Signs a SHY GUY is trying to use you?

[Coulis]

Everyone says throw everything you know out the window with a shy guy but, shy or not, men often have less than honourable intentions. How to spot a shy guy who isn't the sweetheart he seems?

Updates

+1 y

Is shy at heart BS? Like the loud suddenly shy guy...

[CaptainOverthink]

Shy guys are more likely inexperienced guys or guys that hasn't yet gotten over themselves. (Listen, guys we take this thing called life too serious. I'm a shy guy, I can't speak for all of us but I will make a claim here, hold my beer).

As an inexperienced shy guy I would want to have a fuckbuddy but I don't know how that would happen. Naturally, being a shy guy I am bad at expressing my intention, especially to those I am attracted to.
Most of the time when a girl (in my case) get the notion that I am interested... the game is on. She will start to assume my intention as I am struggling to hide in my shell yet I am also fighting myself to be more open, it comes out as clumbsy and cute but most of all it comes out as innocent and a bit naive.

Some shyness also goes hand in hand with a slight fear of conflicts and through life we've developed character to avoid it which usually manifests as being a bit passive or klinging to being overly kind maybe even some of us goes out to be what we think to be rightous, turning into 'white knights' that comes in to judge and play moralcards -at our worst.

I'm saying that although we might think we are kind and good the truth might be that we know not how to be who we need to be to get what we think want, which is experiences. And we don't know how those experiences will change us or how our life in lonelyness and solitude has shaped us.

We are usually not trying to use anyone but sometimes we don't know what we are doing and end up hurting them.
.. we don't really know what we want, only what we think we want.

Sometimes in our darker minds we have anger, frustration and/or contempt lingering inside like a snake ready to snap if reality turns out different from what we imagined.
Mental scars and unprocessed failures make us bitter, recentful and blaming.

Sometimes in our yearning to improve and move away from being shy we try to accept that failure is enevitable and that sometimes throwing people under the buss is a part of growing away from caring too much. To think that to harden our hearts is the only way to cope with the pace we will need to keep to catch up with our peers who seem to have so much more sex than we do.

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I know not the signs you are looking for in a shy guy but maybe an inside pick at what MIGHT go on inside the mind of shy guy will tell you something useful.

If only that the price for our chosen path to duck 'danger' is that we are mighty unstable until we learn those hard lessons we denied ourselves long ago. That our biggest misstep is that we either trusted in the world to solve our problems for us or that we never tried enough to solve them ourselves.

[Coulis]

This sounds like a lot of inner turmoil.

Fear of conflicts like telling a woman you don't like her as she likes you?

What do you mean don't know what you are doing?

[CaptainOverthink]

---Turmoil:
Well it could be a lot of inner turmoil. Shy guys are likely not so much in the moment and so we think ahead a lot. When this becomes a habit the consequences we imagine for our failures usually stops us from even trying and that is exactly the problem. Failure is the best way to learn, that is if we are allowed to fail to try again.
For myself I've gone through some bad times being stuck in my head and not acting in the moment enough, that stuff only get us depressed and continuely fleeing from the thoughts and lessons prevents us from foving ahead.

A shy guy in his early 20s or younger might not always have all that turmoil it depends on a lot of things.
Best case is when he is only shy around those he's attracted to. Then he just need to let loose somehow.
So shyness is definitely not a red flag on it's own but shyness can in time build up to worse things.

----Fear of conflicts:
What I am saying about fear of conflicts is that it's a main reason for some men seeming to be very kind and have pure intentions. We don't want to offend and avoid creating conflicts by either not saying how we feel or that we have made a habit to simply not take a stand but try to be diplomats.
But yes, telling someone we don't like them as much could be really hard but I would assume that would be hard even for someone that is not inherently shy too.

Also, feelings do change. Anyone can feel one way and then realize the SO wasn't who he thought she was. Just because it seemed genuine in the beginning and turn sour in the end does not mean they planned it so.

[CaptainOverthink]

---Don't know what we do:
I'm saying that as inexperienced guys, shy guys, we might not know what to say, how to be, how to read ques, when to take initiative and so on... in learning there's no time to think, you have to 'wing it' and pray you make the right decisions. This is hard especially for those that don't know how to be in the moment because we don't know ourselves while acting on a whim, might not trust our instincts on a whim.

This takes practise to learn and while we are 'in the dark' about who we are in the moment and haven't learned to think fast we can't be sure that what we do is necessarily a good decision, or that we mean what we say until we get a chance to think it over, then we might regret our actions.

[Azura_88]

I'll give my shy ex's example. He appeared very innocent and reserved but he also didn't know what he wanted and will lie frequently when I wanted to know more. Then I'll get angry, then he'll even sugarcoat things more and will literally ask me what's my ideal guy. He knew that I wanted a serious relationship so he said he'll only marry me no matter what. He even started to mimic my idea of an ideal man. But then he was a parasite who sucked my time, energy and goals only to fulfill the void in his life. He was ugly and not many people liked him so he definitely was VERY VERY CLINGY. He even tried to separate me from the other classmates. I thought it was cute and caring but then LOCKDOWN happened, he showed his true colors (lying to me, following dirty pages WITH HIS SECRET ACCOUNT, hiding things, taking me for granted, only calling when he felt lonely). I finally broke up and was extremely angry at him. He apologized and pretended to cry but didn't changed his behavior. When he realized that I have moved on, he literally tried to hurt me by using my insecurities and called me a bitch indirectly on his fake account's Bio. He grew bitter but after a month he came back BEGGING to me. It's been a 1 year and he still tries to lure me back. Honestly I feel like getting him arrested and beaten badly. How despicable can he be to think that I'm a remote control toy who will do things according to HIM?

[Azura_88]

That bastard is lonely that's why he's bothering me. Even I'm lonely but that doesn't mean I'll be so shameless and inconsiderate just to lure someone and use them.

[Coulis]

Ahhhhh what you had here was a narcissist. Got away from one of those. He also came off as reserved and shy. He is trying to "hoover" you. Stay strong and heal. Get him out of your life in every way shape and form.

[Azura_88]

Yeah. But one think shocks me how can someone sell away their self respect. He sounds very desperate in his texts, tells me how much he loves me and misses me even after 1 year OF GETTING ZERO RESPONSES from me. I always block his new numbers and accounts. Still he appears few times in a month.

[Azura_88]

*one thing

[Coulis]

Don't fall for it. Textbook narcissist ic behavior. Deep down they are insecure. Block him. Seriously. He will treat you even worse the next time around.

[Azura_88]

Yes already did and will always do. But if he doesn't stop then I'll report him to the police.

[Coulis]

Good!

[ChrisMaster69]

It can be a good play if you are looking at getting a specific girl, to come over all shy.

shy is simply a state of mind, it’s pretty easy to come over that way even when you are not.

its almost like playing the sympathy card to get in to a girls pants.

Some girls like confident guys, some like shy ones and you can play it to satisfy what they need.

there are somethings most shy guys won’t do and that volunteer stuff, unless it’s on something there class as safe ground, such as say online gaming stuff like that.

You can elicit responses and see how this ‘shy guy’ responds.

also if it’s a shy almost virginal, they won’t know much, then when you play some elicitation games, they suddenly become knowledgeable.

nearly all guys have a pathological need to explain things to other people as a sort of Bloke thing.

to play this game simply say something that’s wrong, the ‘shy guy’ will then suddenly have a degree in sex’.

main thing is to trust your instincts

[Coulis]

So, basically people a mansplainer isn't the evil toxic male we have all been told he is.

[ChrisMaster69]

He can be.

But it’s a good way to spot a shy person,

A shy person is not likely to suddenly start doing it…

[hahahmm]

Isn't it a good thing that our male ancestors liked to explain things? They invented technology and built civilizations from scratch.

[ChrisMaster69]

@hahahmm cheers, I would never have worked that one out by myself.

I was totally stumped.

[ChrisMaster69]

@coulis the clown Hahhmm actually blocked me

Could you casually mention that the screen shot of him blocking me sort of shows him lying lol

Or he could post on my comments here.
I’ve not blocked him.
Obviously a bit of a sensitive soul 😂😂😂

But seriously lying that someone else blocked you.
That’s a guy with a small cock problem.

[ChrisMaster69]

@coulis thank you most appreciated

[Coulis]

G@G drama. I don't see why you would have blocked him for the reason he gave at all.

[ChrisMaster69]

@coulis I simply did not lol.

I did lol at the time and screen shot it lol.

Yeah agreed GaG drama.

[Azura_88]

The greatest lesson I learned is that being shy doesn't makes one pure. He's shy because he's targeting for a girl who's WAY OUT OF his league.
His eyes wander on many girls secretly, he let's women get touchy with him as he's secretly enjoying that and it looks like he'll go with any woman as long as she's beautiful and talkative.

[PaynefulPleasures]

It's the silent ones you have to look out for ✌️

[SweetRomeo]

Totally agree.

[PaynefulPleasures]

Thank you 🤗

[bowenw]

I suppose they are the same as anyone else that is trying to use you. They tell you what they think you want to hear. They are smooth and seem to be too good to be true, but eventually their true self makes an appearance. That could be pressuring you for things like money or sex. They may also be trying to lure you into a relationship. A skilled player may be difficult to spot, so you have to watch for subtle signs like being controlling, wants you to give up your friends, doesn't seem to care for others, won't accept blame for their own mistakes, has a short fuse, and has to have everything their own way.

[Coulis]

Yes, even the smooth ones are like lighthouses to me. I mean more someone who is a stumbling doofus but whose goal is not a reciprocal friendship or comitted remationship.

[bowenw]

He could be trying to lead you to believe he is harmless with the tomfoolery so you will let your guard down.

[Juxtapose]

Shy guys cannot compare to the schemes of women, as a woman shouldn't you be an expert in this subject and leave shy, manipulative guys in the dust with your emotional intelligence?

Or are you an upfront woman who doesn't dabble in double-speak?

[Juxtapose]

Also men can VERY MUCH SO be shy at heart, more so than women in my experience.

[Coulis]

I'm an upfront women and I don't dabble in words that don't match actions. I also watch people's flex that is how they move and if it looks suspicious... I'm suspicious. Also, if people have too much thought behind their actions.

[Coulis]

Oh I agree. Society really dosregards that men are sensitive and easily hurt emotionally.

[Juxtapose]

I like your attitude, careful but upfront.

If I sniff out a liar I boot them for my life. I used to be more bashful and can be a little at times but passive aggressive, manipulative men make me want to smack them upside the head.

[Juxtapose]

I used to be more sensitive but I grew out of it and feel like that's just a part of adulthood, ya know?

[Coulis]

Yes, not caring about people's opinion is something you have to really cultivate within one's self.

[The_Maphio]

If he asks for money continuously, he's not really shy.
If he keeps bothering you for sex, he's not really shy.
If he's actually shy, he'd hardly ever do any of the above, thus you could trust him. I think.

[Coulis]

Well, it cpuld be shame if they are up to no good but aren't actually heartless enough to go through with it or the woman is too much of a BS detector to let it happen.

[Kaneki05]

I think those who don't speak there mind freely you will find have the intentions most of the time that will not be good. So shy people... Don't speak there mind freely. Now maybe they do when they open up then it's fine. But if they don't open up or open up and show you something ya don't like that's the bad part.

[boggboss]

If your already going into it with the belief that a person is doing u dirty then there is no point even trying that aside the same way u would spot a fuckboi

[Coulis]

Trust your gut. Ok so Im old... what did we call f-bois back in the day?

[boggboss]

Just guys that are looking for sex and yes trust your guy but if your gut is good at jumping to conclusions with no evidence off foul play better to simply not date

[Coulis]

I think so many people need to jist enjoy being alone. Being alone is nice.

[boggboss]

If your happy being alone why ask about dating a shy guy if your not capable of trust then yes u are better off alone which is fine

[boggboss]

No many guys becomes shy when around women they like because now they are embarrassed by there actions with someone that matters

[Coulis]

Well, if this persin matters soooo much why they being weird?

[boggboss]

Being shy is not being weird they are not the same u can't control for the most part being shy

[HiveBee]

There is no such thing as a man with "honorable intentions."

We ALL want to fuck you. Period.

Some special girl though, we want to marry someday.

Just cuz a guy is shy does not mean he doesn't want sex.

Every single man on planet earth wants to FUCK. I dont care what any other guy says. he's lying.

If you're mad about that. Time to become a lesbian. And then lesbians will be tryna fuck you too even harder than the men tried lol.

[Coulis]

Okkkaaayyy. Uhm I don't view a man wanting sex as not honourable. I like men whose sexuality is evident and if they express it in a classy way I am nothing but flattered.

Even an ogle, a whistle or a blue comment will make me smile internally but they would likely not get very far.

I meant more nefarious like money, mental manipulation or some type of social advancement.

[Coulis]

Also, there are men who are repulsed by certain women and wouldn't touch them with a 10-foot barge pole.

[HiveBee]

Well that stuff doesn't sound like things men do in the first place. That sounds like shit women do to me lol. I can't imagine men doing that kind of stuff.

Especially a shy dude? I can't imagine a shy guy has the capability to manipulate people for their money or status.

[hahahmm]

Women often have less than honorable intentions.

A guy could give his kidney to a woman and she'd claim he's trying to use her because he left his wallet at home and now he needs $1 for the hospital vending machine.

[Coulis]

Women can be ungrateful.

[hahahmm]

Hilarious how Chris 'masters' below was so butt hurt that he blocked me for saying it's a good thing our male ancestors invented technology. I think he hates himself or something. Ha ha ha ha.

[Gosceewual]

depends, i knew this underconfident guy who i thought was shy, then he started to open up abit and discovered he was a dickhead, but me as a shy guy i know im a friendly nice person... i think most shy guys are nice people like myself... thats the reason we are shy, were humble and see everyone better than ourself... we feel we dont deserve to speak out or deserve friends.. so we gotta be nice jus because were less worthy than everyone else

[Gosceewual]

i think im a worthless piece of shit

[Coulis]

But why ON EARTH do you think that about yourself?

[Gosceewual]

i dunno, when i did use to speak everyone was always insulting towards me or show attitude... so i jus be quiet to avoid any kind of judgement

[Gosceewual]

the way people used to react to me is why i think im less worthy, people wouldn't be that way to me if i was a good person

[Coulis]

Haha! See this is where you're wrong. If you're speaking sincerely and you really are trying to make a point that you've thought about it and people mock you it's not that you're wrong or worthless. People are very insecure and they lash out to buy trying to knock down the person who is alone and has had the courage to say something. That person who instead who is just safely following the crowd so nobody ever does something to them like mocking them are saying you're an idiot even if they're not. You have to have thick skin, man. It sucks; I know.

[Anonymous]

If he approaches you= he's not a shy guy

I never approached anyone before, because I was shy and with MeToo never will, because life in prison or being lined up against the wall and shot don't exactly appeal to me

My former partners approached me and I was lucky that they did (for whatever reason given I was maybe a 3 at best in relation to their top shelf statuses)

[Coulis]

What would you define as approach?

[Opinion Owner]

Anything beyond casual conversation after a few weeks to get to know you
If he makes a move more than a quick hello on day one he's lying

[Coulis]

So lurking and staring isn't what you call an approach?

[Opinion Owner]

Those are just the creeps it's best to ignore them or tase them or something I don't know

[AmeerX]

I don't think men in general use others like that as often as women

[Coulis]

I guess women are just a lot more skilled at playing on people's emotions.

[AmeerX]

Nah, men are just gullible 😂

[Coulis]

I think women are or maybe we just fool ourselves more because we crave intimacy and affection.

[AmeerX]

Well, girl need to be more affirmative about marriage over hook ups and stuff outside marriage.

[Tstrbrainer]

I can't help you out there, but if he's honest, he'll express his intentions if you ask him in a nice way.

[Coulis]

Well I did. And he did. And now nada.

[exitseven]

I would imagine this guy is no different from other deceptive people. Sooner or later they will show you who they really are.

[Azura_88]

I have made it clear and broken up with him. I was extremely annoyed that how many times that snake lied to me. I told him it's over in and never ever contact me. It's one year and still he tries to get me back and text like he's still in a relationship by using different numbers.

[Azura_88]

He appeared so shy and decent at first but time revealed his true colors

[Slim57]

Sounds like you should just see a therapist if you assume all men have less than honorable intentions

[Coulis]

Yes since I did say that I think all men have less than honorable intentions in my post. Oh wait... no I didn't. 🙄

[Slim57]

"Everyone says throw everything you know out the window with a shy guy but, shy or not, ((men often have less than honourable intentions.)) How to spot a shy guy who isn't the sweetheart he seems?"

[Coulis]

Often = all men. Got it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think girls even know what “honorable intentions” means. They’ll take anything as meaning that a guy doesn’t have “honorable intentions”. It’s not any actual insight, mostly it’s just a whim.

[matthonker]

When he doesn’t wanna fuck and just go on nice dates

[Iron_Man]

He comes over for sex a lot and he never takes you out anywhere

[Gwenhwyfar]

I’m not sure but I agree with you it does happen

[Pyrofox]

Fails to pay their way on dates and or gifts.

[SweetRomeo]

Definitely they are all fake news. All about going to your lady V.

[ohshee]

Just ask ask him what his intentions are