Why can’t guys just be honest about how they feel towards you?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been talking to this guy for months. Initially we got along really well, he made me think he was into me and I began to get excited about it. We were always going with the flow so never had the “exclusive” chat and I was never clingy. For the past month or so he’s been acting really distant. I called him out on it and was ready to cut contact but he assured me he liked me and just put his change of behaviour down to things he’s going through which he didn’t want to speak about. I told him I’m a good listener and If he ever wants to talk about whatever he’s going through I’m here for him. He told me he appreciates it, if it ever gets too much he will talk to me but I gotta give him time to open up. I’ve dropped so many hints that I want to see him and he responds but never makes the move. I don’t get it because he knows I like him. We’ve been in each other’s company a few times before. Recently our conversations are short, he’s not as assertive as he used to be and doesn’t seem interested in meeting up. I don’t understand why he can’t just be honest and tell me if he’s not interested. I’ve made it clear that we’re both adults and there’s no need to behave this way if he’s not feeling it.. I can handle rejection I just want to be told straight up considering how close we became with each other. It’s got to the point now where I’m fed up and had enough of no improvement. He literally sold me dreams then changed completely and we’ve not even had full on sex (not because I was making him wait or anything). Just trying to get a guys take on this kind of behaviour because I feel so down about it and feel like because I’ve addressed it twice before I can’t again because I will look crazy but as they say actions speak louder than words. I’d just like to know why some guys have no conscience and are happy to treat women this way when they show a little interest. I just feel so stupid for wasting so much time getting to him for him to end up treating me this way.

[btbc92]

Asker. That is a question I can answer because I never dated, I never done anything what you guys did, I'm a virgin, I believe in Godly values, and I believed in affected friendships and relationships with people. You however have no excuse. You have no right to ask that question. And I will tell you why. Reread everything you wrote. Reread it more than 5 times if you have to. And see if you get where I'm coming from. You say so much that your adults, and I'll be honest with you. No you are not. Neither you nor him is an adult. You're both still mentally children. You demand a relationship now, you demanding that he be with you now, you the man he gets things done now, and you do not seem to listen to the fact that he is struggling, he already told you what he felt, he was more than enough honest about how he felt, but there's one thing he can't tell you because you're pushy, no offense, you're pushy as hell, is that he is not ready for a serious relationship. But you know what makes it worse and hypocrite on your part, you choose to have premarital sex with this guy. And now because you had premarital sex with him now you're pushing him even further because you're scared you made a mistake having sex with him. I'm sorry that's your mistake. That's your responsibility. You need to be an accountable as an adult do not open up your leg to a person who isn't your husband. And that's exactly what you did. He's not going to see any form of taking any accountability to it because neither is you. How can he respect you if you don't respect yourself? Men will not respect you like that. They don't seem to understand it because everybody and their mama had sex before marriage. If you wanted something serious, then you should have wait for marriage to have sex, and if you're not a virgin like me, you should have saved your virginity. These all got consequences intend to follow you throughout your life and you pretty much proving it.

If he was honest with you you still would have left him because you have no time to get yourself involved with a person who isn't going to give you what you want. That's your attitude. It's best you be honest with yourself, and be honest how you treat him, and how you treat people, before you want to start talkin about how others treat you. Because you're just as guilty as this man that you involved with. Be honest with yourself? Are you willing to wait for this person no matter how long it takes for a relationship? Because if you cannot, it is you who is best to move on and stop wasting each other's time. But don't blame him for something you equally chose to do. That is simply my advice.

[btbc92]

Desperate people are desperate people. And you are sadly too desperate for a relationship and you got to ask yourself why? If it took 10 years for you to be in a relationship if you mean to tell me if you really love this person you would not wait for them? Neither of you can be hypocrites. I have plenty of guys try to pull that same one on me and don't even know half of the stuff I go through every day but I still go through every day, that's how I can tell about people. Just because I'm going into my 30s do you think I'm going to rush myself into anything I know nothing about? You think I'm going to care if people think I'm weird, strange, so-called asexual, it's settled because I never ak8. Something? That's how much I value my relationships and friendship with others. True authentic people who wants to get to know you would never treat you that way. You are the one that made the decision to try to get to know him. Why? Until you understand why, until you understand your intentions, you would never be able to understand the whys and the intentions of other people. Selfish people are selfish people. He could be going through depression, she could be going through intense stress, she could be going through philophobia which is the fear of love. He could have commitment issues, he could be having PTSD, you don't know why he's pulling back. But if he was that quick to have sex, then I think that should automatically tell you to leave that guy alone. And you should have done that before you chose to have sex with him but that's not what you did. You made him hold out, and then you still did it anyway. What does that say about you? It says you need to evaluate that before you end up in another problem. Because it sounds like to me this is not the first time you had such an issue. It sounds like a cycle and a pattern that needs to break.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response but I think you read wrong. I have not had sex with this guy and I’m definitely not demanding a relationship from him.

[btbc92]

Ask her you are the man in a relationship. You are acting him he knows how you feel why doesn't he make a move. That's demanding. He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Just because a person has feelings for you, because a person's desire something, that doesn't always mean it's the right decision to make. That doesn't always mean you're compatible, and I don't know it's mean that you rushed into it. You take as much time as you need or desire to. It is up to you to respect it. The same one he needs to respect your feelings. If you are entering for a relationship, you should have left a long time ago. When he wants a relationship, he will get into one when he's ready. If you say you didn't do so, then you going to have to be careful howIf you say you didn't do so, then you going to have to be careful how you take something on here, because it definitely looked like and I had to double triple read it to know what was being said. Just because a person shares the same sentiment, that doesn't always mean they want or is ready for a relationship. He already told you how he felt. The question is can you accept those answers?

[btbc92]

You are being demanding for a relationship*

He's hurt also. But you have to respect each other's feelings. And you cannot be selfish with it. Because it sounds like to me and I can tell, he is carrying a lot of baggage that is bigger than you and him. And if you are not willing to accept and respect the fact that he is a person with a lot of baggage, and you get into a relationship with him, didn't last thing you need, it's be complaining about how much baggage he has and how you can't handle it and then how you regret that you got involved with him. That's not fair on him.

[Asker]

Nope you’ve got this all wrong 🤣

[btbc92]

Asker. I am intuitive and can tell about people. That is how much I invest in people. If he is itching for sex, that should be a red flag. Stay away from that guy. He just wants pleasure without real commitment. And I know I am very much right. Regardless to what. You should know better than this. Because I wouldn't even settle for who your trying with.

[btbc92]

What I am curious about sense I was a teen is why the hell are you girls and women are interested in these kind of men? Do you know what that translate to Good Men Who see women like you go out the guys like that? That you are not stable minded oh, and not somebody they want to get involved with. So when you get a guy like that, that's who you end up settling with. I'm telling you, you women especially better pay attention.

[Asker]

I’m so confused. What are you even talking about? 😂

[TessCasie]

I don’t understand why this long paragraph if you’ve never dated your whole life. It’s like you got no experience yet you feel the limited knowledge you got will help someone smh

[btbc92]

That kind of ignorance you have is why a lot of you women especially have all these problems because you think that I have to make your mistakes, do what you do, to have any kind of Common Sense. That's why many of you have all these boyfriends, ask maybes, at potentials, now you can't even spell down properly, and do what you have to do. I know better not to settle with those kind of people. I got the long paragraph because I pay attention, I observe, and I watch what you people do. Not just what you say. That way I don't have to repeat the same mistakes.

[btbc92]

You guys plenty of people and very much help a lot when you have a brain to use. I think God for the knowledge. And I thank God being able to use my head concerning these things. And not follow what a lot of you do. Just jump out there thinking y'all know so much and then when you still have the same problems you want to know why you got these problems. Do you have to date to know men and to get to know different people? No you don't. Too many you think relationships and he thinks all of our joke, then when something happens then it's a problem. And trust me when I say everyday when I'm on this site I listen, I pay attention, I memorized, and I read what you people right. So I can actually think a lot of you for the knowledge. And trust me I got more than enough experience to actually say what I need to say. Experience is not the reason I was able to get this far. It's spiritual wisdom from God and learn to avoid people like yourselves. This is a simple basic human interaction. And it just goes to show a lot of you don't even understand that much and it's something that you had to learn every day as a child. That's what happens when a lot of you think you're grown you know so much.

[Asker]

Thank you but your spelling and grammar is terrible.

[btbc92]

Do you need for me to have perfect spelling and grammar to tell you something that is very easy for you to understand? If you want to insult people make sure you tell it to a person's face instead of pretending behind their back. I would have more respect for you.

[Pistolpete90]

You've got two options, you either believe him when he's saying he's going through something & be patient: or you move on.

If he's going through something stressful, of course he won't lay that on you. You barely know each other and are still building trust. Makes sense that he would withdraw because men tend to bottle emotions anyway.

Invite him out to do something fun/goofy - you plan and offer it. He might need to also see more effort on your part with meeting up - not many girls actually plan dates. Plus, this could be a nice break from whatever he's dealing with.

[Lionman95]

Hey I think I understand what you mean. I think I´m a bit similar to him so I wanna try that to help you understand. Some guys like me (and probably) like him we´re not got at talking about our feelings because we´re not used it. Maybe different than women or other men we can´t talk about because we simply can´t say how we specifically feel. It´s hard for us to describe how we feel because we´re not doing it on a regular basis. Of all the people I spend time with in month are approximately 40-45% are female though I only talk about my feelings with 5 of them, because my feelings are the most inner me. There´s nothing in my life that needs more trust I needd to have in companion to talk about with than my emotions and feelings.
I have 5 women I know so well that I know they can keep those secret for sure.
Now to you´re guy. The question if he´s into you or not is possibly answered by his behavior before that problem accured. He said that appreciated your offer. That´s something he probably wouldn´t have said if there were no feelings towards you at all. The answer why he´s not talking with you about is probably because you´ve never had any "exclusive" chat. Because you´ve never spent time alone with him but probably always with other people he´s not sure if he could trust you. Don´t get me wrong and don´t take as an offense, I know it´s hard. But because you´ve never been close friends he´s not ready to come to you with his problem. Be patient with him and keep things going on a casual level first. If you wanna enhance things a bit and have feelings for him you could start by telling him smaller secrets of yours and by showing him that you trust him. That way you can open a room of deep talk in your friendship which would make it easier for him to talk about his feelings later on. The reason he distanced himself could be that he occured a big problem in his life he needs to solve. Because he doesn´t classify you as "trustable" yet he´s not talking with you about it.
But I can also understand you´re concerning because you´re solving problem differently. While he might be a guy like me, we´re feelings might be combined with a certain problem. While you and others are easy to talk about you´re feelings we´re not. Give him time and show that you´re generally interested in him and that you there for him but don´t make him rush things more than he´s up to.
To sum it up I think he likes you and is attracted to you at some point but he´s distracted by something else you can´t make him say because if you do, he´ll never trust you.

[Asker]

We’ve only ever spent time alone together. Not as often as I’d like to which is another reason I think he’s playing with me. I’ve literally been in his company 3 times for a few hours in the evening. Most of our conversations are done through text or over the phone / FaceTime which has definitely not been the case lately. He doesn’t even send me voice notes anymore.. he used to send me several a day.

[Lionman95]

I don´t know if he´s playing it could be that he´s just unsure what he feels for you. But it could be either way. How long has he been distancing himself? If it has been going for a month he might have lost interest if it´s only for some days, he´s probably unsure.

[Asker]

When I say he’s been distancing himself I mean we don’t talk as much as we used to and our conversations tend to be more small talk than actual conversations. He still reaches out and texts first every now and then but it doesn’t really go anywhere.. this has been going on for a little over a month and the last time I brought it up to him was about 3 weeks ago when he said he’s going through things and it takes him time to open up. I just don’t know if I should believe him and I don’t wanna straight up block him as I’m not that type of person but I don’t want him to keep popping up with meaningless conversations just for the sake of it.

[Lionman95]

I think reading through what you´ve written he sees you as a friend at the moment. Meaning he´s probably not interested in a relationship but he likes you in some way. I wouldn´t playing with you it´s just a relationship he´s looking for but a casual (not meant sexually) friendship where you both share bits of your life together but he´s not in love with you. You have to make the decision if that´s enough for you.

[coachTanthony]

-----------He's not interested but loves the validation.

Sometimes a guys ego can get ahead of itself way too early trying to impress someone that they really don't even know if they like or not. He also might enjoy the validation of you liking him and doesn't want that to go away even though he's not interested.

My advice is leave him be and watch out for validation come backs. If he comes back wishy washy like before then he just wants more validation from you to make himself feel good. This happens with men and women by the way not just men. Stop giving him energy you are not receiving. If a guy likes you you will know it. Excuses like those he gave are typical for a guy who doesn't have the balls to tell you how he really feels. Move on.

"It's not an ending. It's just the point in the story where you turn the page."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[Asker]

Well he’s getting no more validation from me!!

[hahahmm]

Sorry that happened to you.

You weren't a couple so I don't see that you have the right to be that upset with him. It was your choice to invest a lot of time in a guy who didn't ask for more than friends/talking. Next time don't take a person seriously if they haven't done any actions to show that they're being serious.

How he's acting could mean that you did something to lower his enthusiasm or that something happened in his life to do that. Could go either way. Not saying you need to fix anything. You're just not a good match.

If you were a couple and this happened I'd say he is debating whether to dump you or not and hasn't made up his mind yet.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response. I understand what you’re saying but the way we were talking and things he would say did seem like one day we would end up in a relationship.

I can’t recall anything I could have done to make him change like so.

I just don’t understand why he couldn’t just simply say something like “I’m not feeling it like that anymore” so I could move on.

[hahahmm]

As a man, I went through life often not having any clue why women did the things they did. Eventually it hit me that it doesn't matter why they do things. What matters is WHAT they do and what I do. So I focused on being the best man I can be and ignoring women who don't fit into my idea of what a woman should be doing. Checkout some of my MyTakes if you're interested in traditional relationships.

[Azura_88]

He's really messing around, it's not entirely your fault because the part where you said that you called him out, I'm assuming that you were honest about your intentions and were about to cut the contact. So he definitely knows you want a relationship but IS STILL NOT LETTING YOU GO. You know what, just screw him and block his ass for good. He is USING you as a validation robot and will soon use you as a sex toy in the future. That's why he's not letting you go but at the same time not changing his asshole attitude.

[TessCasie]

Why don’t you just focus on building attraction. Guys usually pull away due to fear of intimacy and commitment. You don’t need to be rude with him neither act uninterested. Just give him some time. It’s a dating game you need to play until you meet someone whose attracted and committed to you.

That’s why please don’t just focus on ONE guy. Keep dating other men it’s that simple.

it’s not that he isn’t interested in you. Men tend to pull away you’ll just need to know how to handle such situations. plus points for not having sex with him. Just keep meeting and building attraction with other men too. You’ll be fine.
among all men who gave you advice on here krakenattackin said it the best in one line.

[sullyk1234]

funny i seem to have gone threw this myself last year a met a man i was so confused he acted like he liked me a couple of months later i asked him if he would ever be interested in me he said no im not his type and he wasn't interested but stared at me for 7 months after that and we werent even talking at all men play games not all but some will even though he told me how he felt the fact he kept looking at me gave me hope when there wasn't any he's 67 im 55 how sad is that he was the first man i was ever attracted to and honestly the first man that ever played this game with me and by the way in December he asked a girl out right in front of me after that my heart was broken find someone that will talk to you if you meet another man like him walk away and say NEXT YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER

[Anonymous]

Listen As an guy i wil tell you one thing... I like a girl... she lives in mine apartment , she is younger than me... I have been shifted to this apartment almost now 2 years... Since we have saw each other... we kinda devloped feelings for each other... Earlier i thaught that i must be thinking much why the hell she will like me?

I have seen her staring at me 2-3 times when i am not looking at her.. but when i looked back her she in miniseconds tooked her eyes off.

And after that whenever we accidentally met with each other... we never had a guts to look in each others eyes...

When we met accidentally sometimes we both behave awkward... i can notice that in her and in mine too..

So what should i do tell me? She is not even giving me a pure sign is she interested in me or she is but coz of society pressure she is hiding that or is she waiting for me for the first move?
Help me out... somebody...

[Asker]

It sounds to me likes she’s into you and trying to work out if you like her too with the stares (she’s trying to read you). The awkwardness indicates she’s maybe shy and doesn’t know how to behave around you as she’s not sure of your feelings. I could be wrong but that’s what it sounds like. If you like her I’d tell her and if you don’t I’d tell her also.

[Opinion Owner]

Someday it feels like she wanna say something... but someday she ignores me like she don't know me...
I don't know why the girls can never initiate conversation... why you wait for guys... maybe the guy is waiting for you... to start...😂

Should i start a conversation... will she not get offended? I think she is not sure about mine feelings... but i am too scared... to talk with her...

[Asker]

I’ve definitely done enough to make this guy aware I like him so he does know, he just doesn’t care clearly otherwise he wouldn’t start acting this way and would give me a straight answer about meeting up. I think he just enjoys the attention.

Don’t be scared just be honest, I’m sure it will all be fine. Just tell her the truth and how you feel. Why would she get offended?

[Opinion Owner]

You know... every guy doesn't desrved to be loved... i am saying that if you don't love anyone just be clear don't fool people or make fake promises... Just say them you love them or not...
I can only feel your pain... but don't loose hope... You will find one...
And we are here to help you...

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know... but i get a feeling that she will get offended... reason j don't know coz of society pressure and in mine country... Dating is considered to be a tabboo... and dating an older one...😅😅

[Goatmeal]

For me personally, I often end up leading women on. Because I am horny, so I hit on some women online, we start talking, and they usually seem to be looking for something else.

I know people say you should just be honest with what you're looking for, but the few times I have tried that, it has blown up in my face. My impression is that it is only very attractive/desirable guys who can get away with saying they're just looking for something casual. When you're not that desirable (like me), the only women who seem to be into you are those looking for some commitment.

Since women are more in demand than the average guy, dating ultimately happens on your terms. We hit on you, we try to woo you, impress you, get a response, even. You then give us a thumbs up or a thumbs down.

I don't think it's exactly a mystery that it is easier for the buyer (women) to be honest about what they want, than for the seller (men).

[Asker]

This is the thing it’s such a confusing situation because although we’ve flirted loads and been intimate there’s been no sex. If we had sex and he acted this way it would make a little bit more sense.

[Anonymous]

Girl that is my story you just told. I have a guy friend that fed me so much false promises. He made it seem like he was into me. But he comes and goes in my life and he has hurt me by leaving me for months. Until he is ready to come back in my life again. He has done this twice already and I had enough. That I confronted him about it

[Sam_The_Savage]

But baby why you girls start dreaming of guy likes you just bkoz he had good convo.

Isn't it's girls mistake?

[JesseJayNeak]

It's difficult to express your feelings when you can't even look at your crush in the eyes
https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OGC.90addc2ddf47cadcd34dbbb668923a5c&pid=Api&rurl=https%3a%2f%2fmedia.giphy.com%2fmedia%2f3o6MbkPYITG5sOJXDG%2fgiphy.gif&ehk=Acwdz9GrMCb%2fWL3W5SPjSH%2f9mu53ttfrxHsMizZC7wM%3d

[MannMitAntworten]

You two have yet to actually meet? …and this long drug out getting passed the first meet thing is a huge reason why meeting online sucks out loud. Then of course finally meeting them often leaves you wondering how the hell you ever built them up in your head.

[Asker]

No we have met a few times

[MannMitAntworten]

I had the direct opposite interpretation from your post. That now aside, you did share that he does “like you”. Not exactly a resounding endorsement. I mean, you would not be asking this question if you senses otherwise, correct? Whether man or woman, if they wish to be with you, they will make the time and make it happen. If they do not and they adults, they will tell you they are not. If they have arrested development, well, you are living with this at the present.

[Nik1hil]

The guy who don't play games approach you and say!..

"wanna bang" or they come rub your ass.. Or squeeze it..
And you are like! "disgusting creepy!" or you slap them..

You aren't happy with honest guys either...
So guys start playing games.. You force us to play games... And then this type of question come on Gag!..

[FilmGuy93]

We've all tried to be honest with women at least once, usually several times. We don't keep doing it because it doesn't work. If you try to be honest with a woman, she usually thinks you're lying and everything blows up anyway. Y'all seem to prefer lack of clarity and playing games; that's the only way guys can successfully date so many of you.

[JSmuve]

Because it's not in his best interest to do so. He might not trust how you'd handle his honesty, he might view it as not worth his time, or might just want to string you along. Either way, it doesn't benefit him to be honest. This is pretty much what women do to men: string them along while avoiding being honest so that they can keep those men as options and get attention or validation from them.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a problem of your own making and you are blaming him for what is entirely down to you.

He didn't make you think anything - you just assumed a lot about what he felt. You assume he knows things because you drop hints.

You clearly have no interest in learning what's going on from a mans point of view. You just want to blame him and have those emotions validated

[TommyMountainFigure]

I have a burning question that I have to ask. Why are you putting this all on him? If you want to end things with him, do so, then his feelings on the matter become redundant.

[Asker]

Because he’s the one who changed not me. He literally made me believe something will come of us then just all of a sudden changed. I’ve told him if he isn’t interested it’s fine but I’d appreciate him saying so. This is why I’m so confused. I am definitely about to end things with him because I’m not ok with him playing with my emotions the way he is.

[exitseven]

I used to be afraid. I didn't want to be embarrassed by the inevitable rejection. I don't know if that's what going on in this case. He might be confused and unsure he wants the responsibility to commit with you.

[CallmeTheKnight]

The guy you chose eventually didn't want you like he thought. Then again you've been talking to him and he is not your boyfriend, so why you having these kind of problems with the man that has no commitment to you?

[A_Bell]

Because so many women use displays of vulnerability as a weapon or a reason for contempt.

If people showed more respect for others, people would be more willing to risk being vulnerable.

[PBarlow]

Fear of rejection. And most of the time it's not even that. I personally think she wouldn't accept that I don't even fear it anymore, I know it.

[NightHawk99]

Because most of the time when we are, the response we get is "ewww no". Or the woman decides to just humiliate us in front of her friends.

Fuck that. We ain't putting up with that no more.

[Anonymous]

He may be a Narc, this kind of behavior is how they start to get you hooked
he doesn't sound interested and doesn't want to lose you, i'd move on

[Asker]

I’ve dealt with a narcissist before and this is exactly what I’m beginning to think.

[Opinion Owner]

I knew when you said he sold you dreams and then changed
please be strong and leave him alone it's not worth it
you can find someone better and the right person will put your mind at ease

[Asker]

Thank you! I am trying. I’m not going to initiate any type of conversation anymore but I know he will.. do I just ignore him?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes the best thing to do is block him now and distract yourself with something that you love
when i was healing from my narc relationship i watched a lot of youtube and baked, i still get angry sometimes but sure as hell don't miss him or the torture

[Azura_88]

Yes asker ignore him. I'm doing the same thing and have shattered his ego like anything. He messed up with a wrong girl. I also agree with the opinion owner that these incels are narcissistic and thrive on your validation. They are insecure, lonely and bored so they will suck your time and energy according to THEIR CONVENIENCE. We're just a stepping stone for them.