Am I talking to a narcassist or just some weirdo dude? I'm feeling red flags?

[Anonymous]

I am a religious girl waiting for marriage to have sex. I'm 27. Well I'm just letting the guy know that I won't sleep with them just so he knows where we stand. I started talking to this guy and I told him I'm waiting and he was super skeptical about it. Then he said he has to get to know me for him to believe me 100%. And that really rubbed me the wrong way like what are you the queen of England where I have to pass these weird tests just to prove I haven't had sex... also don't get why it's such a big deal and why he can't believe it. Does he sound like one of those weirdo dudes that are obsessed with virgins?

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes. This is a red-flag for sure. This guy is fucked.

However, I don't think that he's a 'weirdo' in the way that you're thinking. This doesn't sound like a guy who's 'obsessed with virgins' or turned on by the idea of virginity. I mean he could ALSO feel that way, but that's not the initial impression I get from reading what you wrote here.

The impression I get is more of a guy who's just an asshole. A narcissist, but mostly just an asshole. \

As soon as I read "I told him I'm waiting and he was super skeptical about it" I barked-out an involuntary laugh. That right there SHOULD rub you the wrong way! That is THE WRONG ANSWER!!! That is a really messed up answer. If you're a religious girl saving herself for marriage, then any guy who is "skeptical" of that... is CLEARLY not a guy for you. That is him TELLING you that he's not a guy for you. You can end the date right there. It's never ever going to work with a guy who is 'skeptical' of this.

I am not at all religious myself. I cannot IMAGINE saying this (or even thinking it, frankly). That is such a messed up, asshole thing for someone to think, let alone say. He doen't know you. He doesn't have any reason to be skeptical that you'll save yourself for marriage. Unless he tends to believe 'all women are sluts'--type garbage... WHY should it be difficult to believe that you'd wait until marriage (seeing as how you've waited until 2,7 and your values around this have not changed).

This rubbed ME the wrong way... and I'm not religious at all. It just shows such a disrespect for you as a person. Mostly though... it shows that this guy is NOT someone you should get to know. This guy is 100% someone who you DON'T want to keep talking to. This is a clear red-flag. You would be insane to ignore it. 🙂

[Asker]

I ended up asking him why it's such a big deal to him. He said because society and the media want women to have sex and not feel bad about it. I am going against that and he finds that attractive.

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea... I understand that explanation. I can even say that I agree with it. However, when I run across a religious girl who is saving herself for marriage... My reaction is very very different from this guy's. I tend to admire them for the strength of their convictions. However, no part of me is ever the least bit "skeptical". That seems twisted to me. I absolutely stand by everything I said. You obviously don't have to give it any weight if you don't want to.

But... seriously... if you're saving yourself for marriage... did you EVER imagine that 'the right guy' would be SKEPTICAL upon finding that out?

To me it seems very obvious that someone saving herself for marriage is incongruent with a guy who has trouble believing any girl could/would. You're welcome to see it differently, but to me this is clearly not an acceptable or appropriate response. I would call it a 'red flag'. But then again, you know the context better than I do, so go with your gut. 🙂

[Asker]

I followed your advice and ended it with him. Thank you for everything

[SteveSmith1985]

You're quite welcome. But I do hope you only took this advice because it made sense to you. I do think that the guy you've been saving yourself for, wouldn't react with skepticism. I think that whenever you do meet that right guy, and see how differently he reacts to this... you'll be glad that you didn't give THIS guy more of your time.

Good for you. 🙂

[DaveJord]

It just really rare to meet someone at 27 who is still a virgin. Because for most people sex is a huge part of a relationship, so if you haven't had sex its hard to believe you have been in a real relationship and are prepared to deal with the realities of being with someone in a next level type relationship.

And, girls lie to guys all the time about things they are uncomfortable about. For me I probably would not of been interested once you told me you are waiting...

[sunshineglow]

He sounds like one of those cynical disillusioned people who have see the worst in people. When they see genuine act of goodness, they smirk and look in distance with "yeah right, it's probably just set up scene for a hiddenly recorded video for you tube fame" type of vibe. When he sees politeness, this type questions is there an ulterior motiv. When he sees a beast he doesn't think human is better than that.

Narcissistic - Not sure if he is. But he definitely Is NOT that kind of person that religious person with principles has anything to search with. He is going to break your spirit with his disillusionment. He will most definitely try. Why? Because he think he has right and obligation to do it, and to make as many people more, as cynical as he is. Run, girl. They are damaged inside and they know it. They hate people who aren't and they are always eager to ruin them to be even with THEM. You two have nothing to do together.

As for possible virgin chaser, that kind of guy is more likely to be super kind because he found his "Precious treasure". At least that's what I think.

[Asker]

Thank you for this great advice

[TrueConfection]

He sounds like he doesn't have any respect for your decisions without giving his approval. Definitely a red flag!

[TrueConfection]

Thank you for the MHO ❤

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

He could be obsessed with girls who are virgins, this could be a red flag you may want to seek out on him I'm the oldest virgin male on here cause I don't believe in sex to after marriage just the way I see things, and besides I have faith in my Lord in Heaven so he wouldn't want me to do against his rules

[spartan55]

Don't know why you think he might be a narcissist? I don't think you understand the definition. Nonetheless, what does it matter why he is acting that way? If you don't like how he acts then move on.

[Asker]

Well narcissist because he's making it about him. Like I have to prove myself to him and show him I'm not a liar. That means he's self-centered

[spartan55]

Him being self centered doesn't necessarily make him a narcissist. Is there a reason you are so hung up on diagnosing this guy and labeling him? Again, what does it matter? Let's just call him a shithead and move on.

[Asker]

Ok sure lol

[mark000h]

Definitely sounds like he's not prepared to respect your decisions. Let him be.

[CR200111]

You shouldn’t have to explain your reasoning to anyone! It’s your choice.

[Anonymous]

What does mean red flag i wonder

[Asker]

It means a type of behavior that's perceived to be bad.

[jasco]

Yea just leave him be