My boyfriend makes jokes about raping me?

Question

I was walking in the dark with my boyfriend today and we were making jokes about having sex in a quiet public place. I said yeah come on let's go and we were laughing as I guided him through an alleyway into a secluded area because he's not from my area so he told me to find a quiet place. Then we both pretended to go into this side place with an abandoned building. Then we were both just egging eachother on laughing and as we were leaving I said ah you missed your chance. Then he goes "you know I could rape you right now, you couldn't do anything" I just froze then laughed then said "yeah but I know you wouldn't you're not like that." He then said "clearly you don't know me that well then" so I just froze again and then when I didn't respond he laughs so I laugh. Then we continue walking down the alleyway and he says "you know your so easy to rape, it's easy to persuade you". I just laughed again til we hit the main roads then quickly changed topic. More sex jokes happened and he says "come let's go back". I just told him we missed it and we're too far now then left it at that. Then I can't remember how but rape came up again and I was raped by an older guy which he knows about and we just passed that guy's house then while i'm talking about that guy he knew that I've been finding it extremely hard to come to terms with, but he aggressively said "well he basically did rape you". I felt so uncomfortable that I stayed quiet then my voice broke as I replied and I think he realised that was the wrong thing to say. But I'm not sure how to feel like I do believe he would never rape me and he's a virgin and semi would like to wait for marriage but fear still struck me for a split second. I don't know how to feel or what to make of it tbh.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Please LEAVE that relationship immediately!! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that but any man who thinks it’s ok to make jokes to their girlfriend who is a victim of rape is messed up in the head? Even if he didn’t know your situation that’s abnormal for him to casually joke about that kind of stuff, as a victim of rape myself I’m in groups of survivors and I’ve seen way too many stories where a rape victim will have a boyfriend who casually jokes about rape and ends up doing it so please I urge you to break things off with him

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Firstly, it's common sense, dump him. Why is this even a question? You said you froze, but still not leaving him, Are you a troll?
Don't waste others time by posting this if you're not ready to throw off your rose colored glasses. You're still defending him even if other's are telling you the truth. Go get r**ed again. I have no sympathy for irrational girls like you. Typical female nature to get treated like shit by a boyfriend. *claps*.

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

That is a bit of a creepy n scary read.

more so because he knows about your rape.

really think hard about this, you need to leave him.

you just do not joke about rape to a survivor of a rape.

you don’t make jokes about raping your girlfriend

it really sounds dodgy.

Koalamate · Accepted Answer

I don't think he was thinking about it or was aware that it would make you uncomfortable. Have a conversation about it with him it will help both of you and your relationship.

Seems like he just took a joke to far.

dustybiker · Answer

Everyone should feel safe with their partner.
Strike one he said something normal people wouldn’t to a partner who hasn’t had that happen. Strike two he said that knowing what you’ve been through. He’s not a safe individual. Strongly suggest you end it before strike three.
Take care of you.

Destrother · Answer

He won't rape you and about the insensitive i can be like that too where i say stupid things and realize only after and if he realized now hell probably stp but if he keeps going and you dont want to tell him verbally (best solution tbh) try giving him signs like how you stpped speaking before

SecretsofKB · Answer

I know what to feel and what to make of it...

If he made you feel fear for your safety for even the slightest moment, you need to leave him and never look back. This is your opportunity to get out of a potentially dangerous relationship.

Don't. Miss. It.

OneManOnly01 · Answer

The way you describe it, to me it seems like he has a rape fetish and he's 'testing the waters' with you to see how you would react. In my opinion though, it could turn ugly fast because that's his fetish and he's already showing signs of a lack of restraint.

Have you thought about this? And would you put up with this behavior of his?

nachosaresexy · Answer

That's pretty f*cked up for him to bring up that topic (and use that specific term) multiple times. It'd be weird no matter what, but then the fact he knows you have a traumatic experience in the past makes it really really questionable at the very least.

Do you guys have pretty open communication styles to be able to just tell him straight up it's a turn off when he talks/jokes about rape scenarios?

Commander_Red · Answer

Rape fantasy or no, that was not okay. Like all other fantasies, that's something that should be discussed first, and the fact that he knows you were raped before, he should have been extra sensitive about it or shouldn't have brought it up at all! That is a giant red flag! I think you should protect yourself and dump him.

Laciandmaci · Answer

As a rape victim this is sick and uncalled for, I would dump his sorry ass. If he is making rape jokes to me that is a huge red flag. Rape is not a joke, and him using rape as a joke in not it is mentally sick.

TrueMystique · Answer

Rape fantasies are very nuanced to me. I may just have issues in kind of liking The thought of being helpless in that situation, but I’ve never done it. I only worry that he really wants to do that & it not be a fantasy. Have you asked him why he thought of that & if rape turns him on?

Anonymous · Answer

You need to make it clear to him that you will not be around someone that jokes, talks, or thinks about raping you or anyone else. If he doesn't respect your wishes you need to move on.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

If your boyfriend makes jokes about raping you I think you should make jokes about him going to jail.

mark000h · Answer

You're a young girl. You need to get away from this guy.

Anonymous · Answer

That sounds a little suspicious and it makes ME uncomfortable just reading that, I couldn’t imagine hearing your own boyfriend saying that to your face… Idk… I wouldn’t stay with him after that.

jshm2 · Answer

Well... he clearly enjoys making you uncomfortable if nothing else. You've got a rather shitty taste in men, it seems.

IAMNathanael · Answer

Jokes are supposed to be funny... in what world is rape funny?

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

Not gonna be politically correct. If you were really attracted to him, the thought of him raping you would turn you on. Leave him.

Anonymous · Answer

Cut that prick off :) And then start some self defense classes, so you will never be put in that situation again :)

donnny2367764 · Answer

You should never joke about such things. Why do that to yourself and well being. I hope you are getting serious counseling help

LegendaryIcon · Answer

and yet, I've heard women, often say they've had fantasies, of being raped

Anonymous · Answer

He's a rapist so ditch him  Or  Get him to kill the other rapist then ditch him

TsAubreyKate · Answer

There is nothing funny about rape unless you’re raped by a clown 😂 but seriously if it’s bothering You call him out on it

My boyfriend makes jokes about raping me?

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