If a guy grabs you by the neck during an argument is that a sign he’s abusive?

Question

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

You know I have been gas lite into arguments before, where she followed me all around the house chasing me around. Putting her self physically in my way, repeatedly I asked her to stop harassing me and trying obstruct me and forcing a physical confrontation.

She was verbally abusing me and I repeatedly told her that I know that she is trying to force a physical confrontation on purpose, and I was not going to take the bait or give her what she wanted.

She kept verbally abusing me, and saying that she dares me to hit her. She would say; "What are you going to do if I don't stop, you going to hit me? That's what you want to do right? Hit me? I dare you to hit me? What you going to do? Do it I dare you."

She eventually backed me into a corner in the bed room when I tried to get around her she would grab me and push me back then ran to the door and locked it. I got to the door and she would not move or let me out of the room. I grab her by the neck and force her out of my way. I opened the door and left the home.

You tell me if I abused her or she abusing me? I felt threatened, I feared she would get violent with me, and felt I need to act in self defense. If the roles where reversed would you think I was abusive to her, if she had to resort to grabbing me by the throat if I was forcibly preventing her from leaving the room?

Society would do nothing for me in this case, as a man. Its a double standard. And this question is sexiest... because these are the loops holes that some women slip through by manipulation and justification for their abuse against men.

nitsuj86 · Accepted Answer

Obviously, anyone doing this would be abusive. I think you know that.

That being said. If this was the result of you getting in his face, saying things that go way over the line, or putting your hands on him, not expecting to get hit back. Then you are just as guilty in my opinion.

I have been with enough women to know how they argue, and while I may not have ever put my hands on any of them. I sure did want to a few times.

Women get surprised when the guy that never does this suddenly "snaps" but rarely examines their own behaviors leading up to this moment. If you are being emotionally or physically abusive to this man, then you can't be surprised when the aggression is eventually returned.

Not an excuse, but always question in the back of most of men's heads when they hear women say things like this. Just like most women assume she is telling the truth right away.

If you didn't do anything then I don't why you would need to ask the internet if this is bad. Yes, it's not just a sign, it's giant red flag planted firmly in your face.

honeynut-scenarios · Accepted Answer

It’s not a sign, that is abuse. If he’s being physical, no doubt theirs 100x more emotional abuse going on. Whether you realize that or not, despite your feelings for him, this behavior is NOT okay. It will not stop, as long as you stay. It will only get worse. You realize if he grabbed you hard enough, within minutes, you could be gone forever?
Take a week away from your relationship to spend time with family, and friends who truly give a shit about you, and see how much better you feel.

KrisPW · Accepted Answer

Ummm, Yeah! both hands to the sides of my face to get me to focus, or hands on my shoulders to hold me steady, ok, I can see those being innocent if I'm really upset. But grabbing a someone by the neck when you're angry? NOT OK!, Aggressive, Abusive.

hahahmm · Answer

In this age of feminism and equality let's pretend you're a guy and another guy grabbed your neck. It's only abuse if you didn't deserve it. If you ran your mouth the wrong way, any guy on earth who isn't a coward would punch your face inside out. Even guys with tons of self control: if you push too far. Yeah, some guys have a lot more control than others but everybody has a limit. Some guys solve that problem by walking away early on before you go saying something so evil and retarded that God himself would slap you off your feet if he were in the convo.

If guys keep touching you in unwanted ways it's a hint that either you're doing something wrong and/or you pick the wrong guys to spend time around.

SweetFyter · Answer

Not to sound rude, but if a guy grabbed me by the neck during an argument, that would be a sign he was about to experience either a broken nose or crushed testicles - or both. EVERY female should learn to defend herself. And EVERY male should learn never to do such a thing.

Sonorous · Answer

I imagine it depends on how he grabs your neck, when, why, etc.

But I guess the thing to look out for is if he's making "I wanna fuck you" eyes or "I wanna physically assault you" eyes.

I heard they can be quite confusing to distinguish

slay_girl · Answer

If a guy did that to me, I’d rock his balls with a punt to his family jewels and he won’t ever forget that feeling in his lifetime

ohshee · Answer

You need to read your question a couple more times very very slow what else would you call that if a guy says that to you besides an asshole yes he's abusive if he doesn't get what he wants or like what you say then he's going to try to hurt you make you like what he says it gets worse as it gets deeper you need to walk away you need to run because this guy is bad bad

LetsBeHonestHere · Answer

Yes get out while you can it will only get worse. He will promise it won’t happen again, but 99% of the time he will do it again, and it can eventually turn deadly.

-12 year physically and mentally abusive relationship

Oigit · Answer

I see it as a attempt to physically control a person. So to me it is a pretty big red flag and can very much point to someone having a controlling nature and possibly anger issues. Two things that do go hand and hand with abusive behavior.

LaureenVO · Answer

I wouldn't say it's abuse right from the start, but you should be careful. Abuse often starts off with the small signs and ends up getting worse and worse. You do need to set your boundaries, because it is not acceptable behavior.

FairyDamsel · Answer

Duh! You need an opinion even though you have been physically assaulted? Leave him, dump him do 100 other things he is just a pathetic piece of shit.
Always remember even if he says sorry he isn't. Better to get rid of him

Gigi2019 · Answer

Look up "assault and battery". If a guy grabbed me by the neck (dating or not), the least I would do about it would be to break up with him. Get away from that silverback!

whirled_up_girl · Answer

I would take as a threatening gesture for sure and that kind of behavior can often escalate so best to get out situation like that before something worse happens.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

What else could it be OTHER than abusive? Unless of course you are acting on stage in a play or something!

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Does he have your permission to grab you by the neck? Does he do so in a friendly or in a harmful way?

Agape93 · Answer

Uh that's not a sign, that's a confirmation that he's abusive. And it's considered assault/assault and battery.   @OlderAndWiser

Tamera952 · Answer

Maybe, maybe not. Maybe he’s being affectionate…. LoL

tata1993 · Answer

YES! U should talk to him about that if he thinks that’s ok I say you dump him for forever

Pleaznhim4me · Answer

If a guy grabs you by the neck unexpectedly in any situation, you have a problem on your hands.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

break up and yes he is abusing you

spartan55 · Answer

The fact that you even need to ask this question is pretty disturbing.

KatieB713 · Answer

Yes... a thousand times yes You probably shouldn't be dating him

Sour-rose · Answer

Yes... and probably gonna be 6 feet under if he try that shi again with me.

Staximus · Answer

You better leave him now before grabbing you by the neck turns into trying to strangle you. Get the fuck away from that guy and go get a restraining order at the police station.

WhiplashMonkey · Answer

Abuse and assault I believe. I think Google has a better answer for you there.

Citizenkirk · Answer

That is when you call the cops and press assault charges!!!

XXblack88 · Answer

Yes it is abuse. If they did it once they'll do it again.

IdkwhatImdoingLOL334 · Answer

Uhh yes! like maybe touching someone on the arm to stop them from leaving is ok, but the neck? That's like strangling, which, yes, is abusive. I think you should look into this, and remember, it will all be ok 🙂

humanearth · Answer

Very much so. That could turn nasty super fast. Get out before its too late

loveslongnails · Answer

You really shouldn't be dating if you have to ask this.

Fireguy17 · Answer

yes, grabbing is not good, makes you wonder what might be next.

Passion_Devil · Answer

That's not a sign, that's what I would already consider abuse.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

Yes. I hope you leave him before it escalates even more. No guy who loves will will ever put his hands on you out of anger.

GlassTop · Answer

I thought grabbing the neck was a turn-on for girls. Abuse has to go with intent and actual damage.

collie22 · Answer

first kick him in the nuts then tell him what an ass he is

AndrésC64 · Answer

No. It's not a sign that he's abusive. It is abusive.

Darine123 · Answer

I mean if you not hurting! For me it’s turn me on but if it hurt you just call a f cop

MrtoddsWildRide · Answer

That's not just a sign he is abusive. That is abusive

Jay3344 · Answer

I’d lean towards yes unless you struck him or something

DyingLately · Answer

It’s bad that you even have to ask this question. It’s abusive.

TexasRed95 · Answer

If a guy grabbed my neck during an argument he has better have the training I do. It's 100% abusive.

MountAverage · Answer

You're asking if physically assaulting you is a sign of abuse? LMAO

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

That is a major 🚩 and 🚨. Most likely will do it again.

OddBeMe · Answer

Grabbing in anger is a red flag. Does it automatically mean he’s abusive? No.

Djaay · Answer

And what fucked up shit did you provoke him with your tounge for him to grab your neck?

007kingifrit · Answer

not necessarily. he would have to do more than that

UdontNeedtoknow · Answer

Yes. The only time that is acceptable is if your into rough sex

tponderingundead · Answer

most definitely. you need to get away from that person before they do anymore damage.

IsoUser · Answer

I would say definitely Yes, and get away from him or her.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Yes. Ask for an apology and if he does it again then get rid of him.

oli14 · Answer

Well if it torns out be in ng the first step of f sex it's not but if it's just because he's angry and really for hurting u yeah it is abusive

Knw951 · Answer

Suuuupppeerrr bbbaaddd RUN!! He could kill you! There is never an excuse for grabbing someone's neck. Watch this  https://youtu. be/79LA7v4-sNU

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

It's a sign you should stop talking and do as you're told

JoeBel · Answer

Of course. Why physically touch you in the first place

Rusty1982 · Answer

I don't know... That could go both directions, abuse or sexual I think.!

Hasnaeen · Answer

Yes he is abusive no doubt it's like the guy is pissed and he wanna kill ya

Simply_ellie · Answer

Definitely, never let someone put their hands on you, especially if you're arguing

SnakeBoop · Answer

its needlessly agressive.

Lauren__Rosita · Answer

Wtf yeah leave?…. Why is that even a question?

Flower7 · Answer

Yes, that’s way too violent.

laurieluvsit · Answer

Yes! ... dump him immediately, if not sooner!!

Crepe_tart · Answer

Bsolutely, big ol' red flag

If a guy grabs you by the neck during an argument is that a sign he’s abusive?

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