I told my best friend I liked him and he unfriended me on Snapchat and Instagram. Do I do anything?

[emilyr21]

Everyone thought there was something going on between us because we were super close and the way we treated each other was different to how we'd treat everyone else. All of my friends told me it was quite obvious that he did like me and that it just seemed as though we were both too scared to ask each other out. I decided to tell him and he said he didn't feel the same way but asked if we were still okay. Everyone was super shocked and obviously, I needed space. The only catch is that we live together (I don't need the lecture about 'don't sh*t where you eat' - it's life, you can't control who you get feelings for!). The day later I ignored him and we didn't talk, which is abnormal for us but obviously, I needed space. He seemed ok with that and smiled at me when I passed him but the next day I go on Snapchat to see that he has unfriended me, then I check Instagram and see the same. He knows I know but hasn't mentioned anything. I'm pretty hurt considering he's led me on, let me open up and be vulnerable to him and then just deleted me out of his life like I meant nothing... I'm not too sure what to do and some of my friends are saying to bring it up to him.

[lottie20]

First of all, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. Regardless of what has gone on between the two of you romantically, this is not the type of behaviour and respect you would expect from a friend. That, tied up with the fact he has led you on, makes this a painful and messy situation. I really do hope that you can heal from this and find the strength to carry on in your living situation.

In normal situations, I would say to cut this person out of your life completely and not give them a second thought - give them the respect they have shown you! However, this is a situation that you can't ignore in the same sense. You may be able to choose to ignore it, but it is always going to be the elephant in the room unless it is addressed. If it is left unaddressed, not only does it cause problems for the two of you, but it can also potentially cause problems and awkwardness for the rest of your house. Confront him in a mature and honest way, don't get defensive. Make the fact that you want to avoid any arguments clear and simply just ask why. After that, let it go and don't bring it up again regardless of the response you get.

This seems to be a very immature action on his part, and a very hurtful one too considering it is to a previous best friend and someone they once showed interest too... It also seems to be a bit of a rash decision too considering that you are living together. It's not as though social media is your main form of communication.

I guess you're not looking for a change of behaviour, but rather showing that this is immature and slightly out of order for a previous best friend. I wouldn't be surprised if the strain of this is too much for the friendship to bare, particularly on top of the whole leading on scenario...

[HollyK21]

Honestly this sounds like a case of misinterpretation, and not necessarily being led on. It’s important to tell the difference between playful and flirty, romantic interest and closeness, etc., and I think you took his actions and turned them into something more when that wasn’t his intention. It especially does not help that your friends were stirring the pot when they had no concrete proof that he liked you, just them observing two people have a close friendship and gassing it up. That was wrong on their part and if I were you I’d be more annoyed at them doing that to you when it was NOT their place. Your best friend is probably feeling awkward, unsure how to proceed with you and trying to make it clear now that there’s no romance. Why? Because clearly how he interacted with you before was sending you and everyone else the wrong message and he doesn’t want to do that. Maybe deleting you from certain platforms seemed cold, but it’s just social media, not deleting you from his life. Anyway, I’d say to let this blow over and have a conversation with him when the time is right. Since you live together I’m sure you’d prefer not to have such tension in the air. Sorry you’re going through this, but when confessing feelings to a friend, this outcome is something you have to consider before putting yourself out there, and I say this very kindly.

[nitsuj86]

How did he lead you on exactly? If he never pursued you or told you he liked you. That was all just you making assumptions. The rest is going to sound harsh so I am sorry, but you need to hear it.

I get that you are hurt, and that sucks, but this man did nothing wrong. You need to act like an adult and move on. If it was reversed you would expect the same from him. Not a bunch of passive-aggressive behavior, and pouting like a child because he didn't get what he wanted. Is that what friends do?

You were "friends", but then you caught feelings. You say you can't help it which is true, but you can control whether you do something about it. You chose to do something even though you live together, and he didn't feel the same way. Now how would you feel LIVING with a guy you thought was just your friend, but now know he is interested in you sexually? Would you feel comfortable living there? Showering there? Bringing a date over? etc? Probably not.

You were upset and needed space. Then ignored him, treated him badly, and now you are upset that he no longer sees you as a friend as a result. Again, I fail to see what he did wrong in all of this, other than be TOO nice to you.

What you should have done was accepted his answer, and moved on. Then try to make it as normal as possible, because after all you live there. You don't have the luxury of "having space" when he also pays to live there. It's not yours more than it is his. And I would bet you are also trying to get everyone in the house on "your side".

You need to grow up, you need to take some responsibility, and you need to apologize to this man. Then MAYBE you can be "friends" again.

[emilyr21]

I'm sorry but I never treated him badly? Literally, nobody in the house knows except who he has told? Bloody hell, you act like you know the situation but you know nothing. No need to be so aggressive

[nitsuj86]

Also, as far as social media. He could be trying to get back at you for not talking to him before. Trying to make a point, that if you are going to act like that, then maybe we aren't friends. You ignored him in real life, he removed you from his digital life as a result. But sounds more like the second option...

He doesn't want you stalking his social media. Looking through his friend list, seeing who hearts his posts, getting mad when he posts stuff with other women, knowing whether or not he in online, trying to contact people he knows on there, etc... I have had girls track my social media in the past and it's a big reason I am very consious about who I follow and things like that now. So if he just gets rid of you, problem solved. You can still be friends in real life, until you earn the online privileges back.

[nitsuj86]

You ignored him and didn't talk to him for an entire day, because he told you he didn't like you. Would you call that nice? And sometimes people need the harsh truth, to see reality for what it is.

[emilyr21]

I passed him on the stairs twice. I was hardly going to talk to him like nothing had happened less than 24 hours after? You seem like such a misogynistic person.

[nitsuj86]

What did I say that was misogynistic exactly? Just because I think you are being a baby? I would say the same to a man. But it's a good excuse.

[nitsuj86]

You can't act as nothing happened.. ok, but AGAIN what did he do wrong to you, 24 hours earlier, that warranted that sort of behavior? Did he go out of his way to hurt your feelings?

Or did you ask a difficult question, and get an honest answer from a person that cares about you, but because it wasn't what you wanted to hear, you got mad at him.

You need to realize you were in the wrong if you want to be friends with this person again. Take the advice, or get mad that it wasn't delivered the way you want to hear it. I don't give a shit.

[emilyr21]

Nobody got mad at him. It's quite sad that I've ignored what you've said and you've continued to reply. This obviously triggers some bad memories for you. Goodbye.

[HollyK21]

Honestly Emily you are being extremely rude to Nitsui. You came on here asking the community for our opinions and how do you respond? With name calling and childish behavior. He is 100% right - you treated your best friend badly and handled his response like a child. If you are this ridiculously stubborn that you won’t own your faults and would rather treat the world as if they have some grudge or vender against you then that’s a very sad and unfortunate way of living. Go heal and grow up.

[HollyK21]

*vendetta but any literate person would understand the typo☺️

[emilyr21]

@HollyK21 Well me and him have just spoken and the reason for all of this is because he's been told that he's leading me on. I think you can now stop with this vendetta you both have against me. Bye.

[HollyK21]

Honey I don’t know who you are to have any negative feeling against you. We’re here to give you advice, that’s all this site is for. I’d understand if this guy insulted you but he was very kind and honest, even apologizing in his statement for if what he was going to say came across the wrong way. Glad you you got to talk to your friend though.

[nitsuj86]

They talked… and now that it’s been “determined” “he led her on”… now she can move on… haha. amazing how that works

Her fault = I need “advice”, “space”
His fault = I can move on now

[eblehe]

I don't get it, why post a question for opinion from others if you cannot even take a little bit of criticism.

[HollyK21]

@eblehe agreed. Nitsuj wasn’t even rude, or aggressive and yet the asker is name calling and acting with hostility. Very much uncalled for and tbh she should apologize but I doubt she will. This is a faultless woman🙄

[Playboy2424]

Don't kiss his feet just bkoz you have dumb feelings...