He said I mustn’t care about him because I have money and won’t financially help him?

[Anonymous]

He’s in prison right now he has said I mustn’t truly care if I won’t send him money because it’s hard for him after his father passed etc he said he only wants 20 here and there and would “spoil” me and never ask for a dime if he wasn’t in there

but even before his dad passed here and there he was telling me I don’t really care about him if I won’t give him any money and he won’t speak to me for now I told him the day I financially support a man is the day I have a son. And he told me don’t waste any more time with him. We have been off and on for about two years now

[Losalt]

I'm guessing that the two of you live in the US.
Unlike here US prisoner don't have a income and often have many expenses they're forced to deal with making life incredibly difficult for him.

As for the idea that a guy should always be the money maker.
That's just wrong.

Both of you should make an effort to contribute within your means, neither more nor less.

If he gets out the two of you should consider moving out of the US as having a record within the US makes it difficult to get a job, and near impossible to get a good one, while that isn't the case over here.

[Asker]

But he says we are in a relationship but I’ve never met his family, I’m the one who carries the cost of most of our communication. Like I just don’t think it’s within reason for me to give him money like that

[Losalt]

If you don't wish to be in a relationship with him because of how he acts or who he is, that's fine.
If you still care about him though...

Try to see things from his point of view too, and how *you* would have felt if the roles where reversed.
This isn't easy for either of you.
I really wish both of you where dealing with a European prison, ideally a Nordic one.
As it is you're both dealing with a system that's essentially designed to destroy a human being.
And you're probably his only hope.

Don't make him push you into paying more than you can afford.
It's frustrating for him given his situation, but you have to take care of yourself, mentally, emotionally, financially and physically before you can take care of him.
But if you *do* have the capacity to help, do so.
Don't go into debt for it.
But help with your means and within reason.

That's my advice.

The whole situation sucks big time.
And I can see why you're searching for excuses to leave him.
This question being one of them.
You're trying to convince yourself to do so.

So the question is, how much do you care about him?

[MrOracle]

You should follow his advice: don't waste any more time on him.

I have no idea what he did to end up in prison, and I don't need to know, but short of a few unfortunate political prisoners, you have to EARN your way into prison, almost always with a long chain of offenses. Assuming that's the case here, why would you want someone like that in your life? They're only going to bring that lifestyle and those values into your life, and you WILL suffer with them.

I'm sure you could do better. I recommend that you do so.

[dorksided1]

Your first sentence tells you anything you need to know about this idiot. Do yourself the favor and move on from this trainwreck and stop feeding into and enduring the drama, you can do way better. You know it by the statement you said about the day you'll support a man is when you have a son

[Effably]

I'd argue you're both rather toxic. He of course should not be using you for financial purposes. That is wrong. You on the other hand having the attitude that he is undeserving of such support from you is probably equally wrong. I can't really picture myself unwilling to help a partner.

Anyhow what he says reads as textbook manipulation for preschoolers. So I'd stay clear. Especially if this is a pattern.

[Asker]

But I’ve never met his family at all we are off and on, if it was a solid relationship where I had met his family we weren’t so off and on, and he wasn’t asking me by manipulating me then yes I would do it, besides he had a drug issue so I don’t want to risk the money being used for that

[Effably]

And you should not. As I said it does read like manipulation and so I'd leave and not look back. My remark was more about wanting that to be the reason not to help rather than sex or whatever your original claim was.

[Anonymous]

Why are you with someone in prison? Move on, and drop the loser.