For me, if I’m seriously with a woman, I want her to be mine and vice versa. She’s my woman and I’m her man.
Simply put, I don’t feel comfortable with other men touching my woman, unless of course it’s the doctor, chiropractor, etc. In some situations, it’s understandable. Other times, it’s disrespectful and unwarranted. I’d want her to be very dismissive other this stuff and I will as well.
I wouldn’t let another man get away with whistling at my woman, trying to flirt with her with me there, etc.
I’d call them out on this and tell them to try whatever they’re doing on some other woman, but not mine because we’re together so it’s disrespectful to do so.
Whatever I expect of my partner, I’m willing to do twice that.
I’m the same way with other women in my family, my mother and grandmother for instance, where if a man raises his voice when talking to them then I will intervene. If I’m there, I’ll tell him to be more polite, respectful, etc.
It’s all love for me. I find these women to be precious people in my life, where I know they can take care of themselves and even protect themselves in many situations, but naturally as someone who loves them, I would like to also do this.
There’s always a point to where it can become extreme and unreasonable.
Being cognizant of this is important and requires self-control, introspection, honesty, etc.
I have no issues whatsoever admitting my feelings on this subject.
Updates
1 y
There is a difference between what I’m talking about in my post and what “controlling” is. I’m not talking about controlling your woman’s every and all actions, rather, while you’re with her making sure that other men understand that she’s with you and that things they may do towards single women will not be taken kindly with you around. It’s about respect mainly and love because you wouldn’t random men getting away with treating the important women in your life however their emotions dictate.
Updates
1 y
I’m also this way towards my mother, grandmother, cousin, etc.
Even random women, who I see are uncomfortable by some men coming onto them too strong, too creepily, etc.
A female soldier told me that this guy was bothering her at a club one night. Being inappropriate and kicking her in some flirtatious way. She had friends of mine to back her up and tell this man off. I told her that she could and I would’ve easily gone hands-on with this man the minute things got physically inappropriate.
Men, how territorial or protective are you over your woman? Women, how do you feel about this and what can be too much?
I'm a little weirded out about the physical touch thing, does it include hugs to say hello/goodbye? In Germany it is normal for younger adults to greet each other with short hugs so wanting any physical contact with the other sex to stop would be in a way controlling where i live. On the other thing touching strangers is something that i personally absolutely despise lol
I think it's okay to be protective over your partner as long as it's something they also want out of the relationship. My boyfriend and i give each other a lot of freedom and personally i wouldn't care if another woman was flirting with him. I do however know that he would never do anything more than that and that trust gives me security. Same thing goes for him. I understand that not every relationship can support this level of trust.
Yes I am to a degree protective, but it’s only for dangers and not guys trying to hit on a girlfriend or even friend, as you can have girl ones who you don’t actually have sex with.
i trust them not respond to people hitting on them.
A night out in Newcastle a girl can likely expect about 50 to 100 guys to try and chat her up.
Simply walking to toilets in a club means walking through a gauntlet of guys and girls.
Definitely not territorial as where I am people are really friendly and I do not know with Any girlfriend, who her friends are and when the guy hugging her is not her cousin etc.
Nothing shouts jealous moron than a guy getting all grr when someone has a hug off his girlfriend.
I trust her or would not date her, we respect each other.
it’s sort of an adult intelligent thing to do.
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5 Reply
Asker
1 y
It’s not about trust & respect for me.
Honestly, everyone has different philosophies.
If I’m with her, not one of the 50 or whatever figure you mentioned is going to “chat her up.”
Obviously, if she’s turning them all down then I wouldn’t say anything.
I’ve never had any issues with women being bothered by me being protective.
So, maybe it has to be all subjective at the end of the day.
I think, it’s different in-person because when you’re there with her she feels safe and loved.
Who watches the table while you escort her to the toilets or as she queues at the bar, you wander around with her handbag when she goes to toilet?
Every time she says hi to a work colleague or a work colleague, cousin, etc sees her and gives her a hug.
You of course do the same to girls that hit on her?
I really don’t have that level of insecurity.
What do you do when deployed, the anxiety eat you up over not being there to be her Minder?
On a night out it’s usually about defusing situations, that guy you stop has 4 mates who are now pissed with you, your entire night is now spent not being able to relax.
That was just one guy hitting on her.
Also what about the barman or barmaid chatting to her, do you correct them about what they can or cannot do.
I really would love to know how you manage to be this protector and stopping everything, when toilets are 100m away and you have drinks to watch.
This is where I wonder if you have been in relationships.
The attitude about ‘not being scared, worried etc’ shows zero about the girl, about the impact this has on her emotional state, knowing ‘Mr Jealous Hardman’ will Yet again cause problems when they go to restaurant, for drinks etc.
It’s also that slippery slope to this spilling over to home life ‘who was that guy you talked to at the bar’ , ‘what did that guy say to you on way back from toilets’.
Seen it sooo many times in military, guys who have to be the hardman and just act insecure with zero trust for their partner.
Socially it’s also a pain, ‘are we asking Dave and Jenny’
‘No, he’s always causing problems with his insecurity and hardman attitude’
Been there done that, some guys you could not invite as they always felt the need to flex, which is really shit on a night out.
But I’ve already told you that I differentiate between protective and controlling.
How I feel about my mother, grandmother, and cousins—all female
Is the same as how I feel about girlfriends or lovers of mine.
I’m not going to assassinate a man because he greeted my girlfriend with a hug.
It’s not what I’m saying or what I’ve said.
I even an example above.
Why are choosing to mischaracterize what I say? Rather, choose the most unfaithful interpretation of it and then criticize that bastardized interpretation?
Territorial? If we're in a relationship that is pretty serious, I'd trust her judgement. If some guy is harassing her and not taking no for an answer, then I'd feel pretty protective and hurry over to help. But if she can handle herself and is serious about us, then I don't think I need to be territorial.
Thankfully my dating days are over, and I'm married to a man who understands if I need his intervention (not likely going to happen) I'll let him know.
Being "protective" or "territorial" over a partner is more often than not a pretty transparent veil for jealousy, which to me is a very unflattering trait.
When it gets to be "too much" is when a man intervenes playing the white knight without being asked, postures over nothing, or squares off to get physical. That kind of behavior made a couple of dating relationships in my past pretty short lived.
Some women may find a man's protectiveness (or figuratively putting down territorial urinary markers) flattering. I don't. If two people are compatible with it, that's fine. That's the way they live their lives. It's not the way I live mine.
Protective is one thing territorial is something very different. I am you partner not your property. It's a good thing to have your partner's back but I am capable of defending my self and fighting my own fights. Its a good thing to be supportive, but that doesn't mean stepping in and taking over, if she want's you to do that she'll let you know and vice versa.
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Asker
1 y
Yeah, I mentioned that there is a difference.
Many a times, a woman is not going to tell you to defend her or stand up for her. It is up to you to step up and do what you believe is right without anyone telling you to do so. A lot of the time, people won’t tell you to do anything.
I think it’s natural for humans to be protective of the people in their tribe, inner circle, etc.
Again, this doesn’t mean anyone is literally property.
It just means, as a man, you want your woman to be yours in the loyal and loving sense.
Hopefully you understand what I’m saying and won’t think “oh my god, he said ‘yours’ I’m not anyone’s property!”
You sound like you want to pick fights because its not common sense. A man hits on your girl... maybe he doesn't know? Does he need to know everyones relationship in the world? Just say hey thats my girl. No need to jump up for a fight or something nonsensical. If you want to fight so bad go to a shitty bar and call the biggest drunk guy a pussy for no reason and spit on him. Leave the poor girl out of your retard behavior.
Me and my husband are very protective, territorial and little me possessive over each other. Not in a toxic way tho but in a very passionate way. There’s a lot of love in our relationship.
The terms 'protective' and 'territorial' are just code for possessive and controlling. Women are, in most cases capable of shutting down a creep or saying 'no'.
Home > Guy's Behavior > Questions > Men, how territorial or protective are you over your woman? Women, how do you feel about this and what can be too much?
