Guys: do you get offended if a woman asks if you’re gay?

Question

There is a guy at work that is very outgoing, handsome and yet he is very shy with women. So today my coworker who happens to like him, she asked him “so Josh, are you gay? Bi? Or you like gals?”. He was shocked and I’m not sure if offended but his attitude and facial expressions changed. He ended up saying he is straight. But his attitude changed completely as if he was offended. It’s not the first time I notice this in men when they get asked this question. So why do some guys get offended?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Its very insulting to straight guys. It tells us that A. You think we're effeminate B. We aren't seen as on the market for you, and C. It crushes us and makes us feel insecure about our presentation.

I completely understand your co-workers' response. It'd crush his self-image and make him insecure about how he is presenting himself.

Why on earth didn't you ask him out for coffee and look for signs of attraction towards you?

Prof_Don · Accepted Answer

The first few times as a teen I would get offended, because of male machismo culture in the early 2000s was heavily ingrained in me.

After I realized that no ugly guy is ever to be presumed to be gay... I now take that "presumed to be gay" instance to be "wow he looks good" in my college days and beyond.

:-P

nitsuj86 · Answer

Probably because he doesn't have a ton of success with women. You calling it out, making him feel like it is something that everyone is talking about, judging him about. Not to mention the social stigma that men at a certain age should have experience with women or they are considered losers.

Not to mention as a woman asking that you are basically calling him feminine/not manly. If she likes him, it's a strange way to show it. To insinuate his actions are homosexual, not something most women are attracted to. Wouldn't give him much confidence in himself if he isn't gay.

You basically called all of that out with one simple question. Some might not mind, but if you think about it, asking someone in public this question is pretty rude. Especially in a work setting, someone could get fired for that actually.

1. It's none of your fucking business
2. Maybe he is and doesn't want the whole office knowing, or talking about who he might like to fuck.

It's not the question itself that is the problem, it's all of the stuff that goes along with the assumption, especially from a woman who doesn't understand what it's like to be a man. They were rude in the way they went about asking, that's why he was offended. Not because he might be perceived as gay.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes it’s a very insulting question to ask a straight guy. I can see why he acted taken aback.

While it isn’t common nowadays calling straight men “gay” was a common bullying tactic used many decades. It’s literally saying the guy isn’t masculine.

There may be other reasons a handsome guy has dating troubles with women. Maybe he’s had some horrible past experiences with women. Maybe he was raised by a crappy mother. Maybe he’s picky and only goes after a certain type of women. It could be a lot of things. But questioning his sexuality right off bat is very shallow minded and insulting.

You also have to remember that dating is NOT the same for men as it is for women. If an attractive woman was long time single and/or shy around men do people automatically assume she’s a lesbian? Of course they don’t. What makes women think it’s okay to assume this about men?

Also it’s now cool and trendy to be gay nowadays. If he really was gay he would likely be more open about it.

sheregenerated13 · Answer

It may not be something Josh is comfortable discussing, at least at work. It also depends on what you're like, how it was asked, etc. A question to ask yourself is why did you ask this. Sometimes we can feel singled out, tokenized, fetishized, etc. If Josh didn't feel comfortable discussing his orientation with you, that's perfectly fine. Regardless of Josh's orientation, I want to note that LGBTQ+ people don't come out of the closet. It's a revolving door. An even better way to look at it is that we're not coming out, but choosing to let you in. If you aren't trusted or the person doesn't feel safe discussing, then that's perfectly valid. Some people don't even discuss it, or have reasons to keep it quiet. Maybe they don't want to until they have the write language or understanding, reached a certain point, or perhaps it's not safe for them to do so at work, or at home, and are worried word might get spread around. In many places, it's illegal and unsafe to be openly LGBTQ+. There are many factors, but the one factor that matters most here is that Josh doesn't have to tell you or anyone. Don't make a big deal out of it and don't try to be invasive. Let it go. Think about the situation for a bit, get comfortable with the discomfort, and then if/when you're ready, you could consider a brief and sincere apology saying that you didn't mean to be invasive and should have considered their perspective before approaching. But don't go on a rant or ramble or anything, and don't say anything if it's not sincere and thoughtful. Good luck.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

It's intrusive, but also makes him question how he presents himself to the world.

Usually, I don't get asked. I get accused. And even then only by crazy thots desperate for ad hominem attacks because they're losing an argument and becoming unhinged. Of course, that's usually after they project their own unhinged nature onto me, and claim that my not bending to their cliches somehow "proves" that I'm the next Vegas shooter or what-not.

And I can tell these ladies are bankrupt, degenerate trash, because they have to sexualize literally every conversation! I remind them of how charities can't operate in peace without wasting overhead money on government red tape, or else badged thugs break into homes and pour bleach on food, especially in Missouri... and then I get compared to Elliot Roger out of nowhere! It's almost comical at this point. These hens have nothing!

RobT312 · Answer

You never ask about someone’s sexuality in the workplace. That’s technically sexual harassment. so that issue alone could have taken him off guard.
i guess I’d be thinking, why does she think that? I don’t think I’d take it as an insult, but it is a weird question. I don’t think I have ever asked a girl if she was a lesbian. Would u like that question?

123TacocaT321 · Answer

If you care about offending people, ask open ended questions.
For example the question could have just been...
What is your sexual orientation?
Have you had a partner in the past?
Are you dating someone?

He probably is questioning his self image now and is changing how he projects himself to ensure that won't happen with other girls.

HawkPerception · Answer

If a girl is interested in a guy, there's no reason that should be the first thing she asks him. It is definitely insulting to any straight guy and they'd most likely become a little insecure about their image and how they present themselves after being asked that. "What about me seems gay? Is it the way I talk? The way I dress? Do I have a gay face? What do I need to do so that it's not girls first impression of me?" Those are all the thoughts that would most likely be running through a straight guy's head immediately.

FactsRULE · Answer

Guy don't get offended they get annoyed. Almost all men into women have had sex with other men and liked it. BUT the guy can honestly say no to that question. BUT if you asked if he was bisexual only then will he have the need to lie.

One thing women don't get is perfectly straight men have sex with other men all the time. When women see "gorgeous" "beautiful" men they often think gay when he's not, not even bisexual BUT in a way women are kinda right..
Good looking men like all men want sex but with good looking men they can get sex with another man FAR more easily than from a woman and when I say "far" it's an understatement it's more like "near impossible" compared to how easy it is to get sex with another man.
Sex with another man fills all the needs just as well as with a woman.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

I really don’t give a shit either way.

one of my mates is gay but is like 6’6 and play rugby etc, another is straight but a tad camp.

when all 3 of us go out, my large mate gets hit on by all the girls and they do not be. I’ve he’s gay.

equally we go to gay bars with our group and I’ve been hit on a few times.

however asking a work colleague unless you are really good friends will upset them, also if guys asked a girl is she was a lesbian, they could be reported to HR.

Sexuality is often a fairly private thing, especially among guys,

RavVid · Answer

Generally I think most guys would be offended if a girl asks them if they are gay. It is an intense insult.

Quite a few years ago it seemed like the first thing a girl said to a guy was to ask if he was gay. I'm pretty sure it was a come on used by girls at that time because I saw/heard girls ask guys that who clearly weren't.

When a girl tried that on me I considered myself entitled to demonstrate my complete lack of gayness by feeling her up everywhere until she said "OK OK you aren't gay".

I think that was kinda the point of girls doing that back then. A challenge to a guy to prove he wasn't gay and there they were - a girl - conveniently close at hand for him to validate his hetro certificate.

Was this what your co-worker was doing? Trying to smash this guys reluctance for office romance?

I am not offended by a girl asking if I am gay and she shouldn't be offended when I prove otherwise.

Moose304 · Answer

I have never been asked in a serious way if I am gay, so I have no real opinion on this question. What I get angry about though is when women come to sit in a bar and order a few drinks, then get upset because men won't approach them, call the bar a gay bar, and act all offended. The dating scene has changed 100% from what it was 30 years ago. Back in the 90s, a man could walk up to a female and offer to buy her a drink, at the worse all she would do is make fun of him. Today a man can get banned from a bar for doing that same thing OR WORSE. This is why most men won't approach women in bars today! Then have these same women insult them by calling them gay!

Snsl153 · Answer

People shouldn't make assumptions about those they hardly know. Being outgoing, handsome and shy does not equate to being "gay"; it just means the person is outgoing, handsome and shy. Perhaps that is what set him off, the silly extrapolation that was made.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Some guys (and girls) just get really offended with questions like that.

Especially at our age, people who get really offended are either deeply closeted or homophobic (sometimes both!).

I think it's going away, though.

Either way, questioning someone's sexuality outright - unless you're in an environment where that's expected - is usually a rude thing to do. Other people's love lives aren't really your and your coworkers' business.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Cause you’re questioning their masculinity. That was an ignorant thing for your friend to ask. Shy around the opposite sex does NOT mean gay. In fact both gay people are more comfortable around the opposite sex cause there’s no romantic tension to deal with. Plus what if he had been gay and didn’t want to admit it? Asking that was just really rude.

BillyBalls · Answer

i think it's hilarious!!

Not too long ago a 14 year old neighbor girl had a huge crush on me and was horny as fuck. She was obvious about it. She would knock on my door for no good reason , for a glass of water or to use the bathroom. She would dress in booty shorts and tube tops when she did.

It was that obvious why she was "stopping in".

It got so bad that I did my best to avoid her.

One day she asked me if I was gay!!!

I more or less told her that me as a 20 year old was not willing to spend time in prison for fucking a 14 year old.

She was pissed.

It is a sad but funny story!!!

IceCreamSandwich · Answer

No, I get offended when they spread rumors that I'm gay. If someone just asks maybe they don't know me or asking for a friend or being nosy. But if they try spreading misinformation behind my back that's crappy behavior. Also immature. We're adults now.

69Bruh69 · Answer

1. Most straight men want to be and thought of as an alpha male and very masculine. And, stereotypically gay men are less masculine/more feminine than straight men (not always) and it insults them to hear that they aren't thought of as masculine.
2. Their personality is insulted, because the question implies that just because they have some "gay traits" they are automatically gay.
I would be insulted if a women asked me if I was gay, not because I'm against gay people, but for the reasons listed above.

ManOnFire · Answer

I've never had any woman ask me that. Now, if they thought so they certainly didn't ask. But I could see that being offensive to a guy, yeah. It would be the equivalent to a guy asking if you're pregnant when you really just have a lot of belly fat. Wouldn't that offend you?

godfatherfan · Answer

That is a pretty messed up thing to ask someone you are not friends with. So, yes, I think most guys wouldn't take kindly to it. I don't know if offended is the right word. But I would definitely tell the person to go fuck themselves. It is none of their business.

Man-O-Metal · Answer

Hehe I don't know why some guys get offended. But I've been asked that several times when I mention the fact that I'm waiting to have s** until marraige. Not sure why that question is their first reaction to me saying that. But I couldn't care less because it I am who I am and if they don't appreciate me saving myself for one girl, not my problem.

Sarahr123 · Answer

I don’t know how men feel about that. As a straight girl I have always been assumed straight. I mean I get asked about my love life a lot and people are like “sooo do you have a boyfriend?” I think people just calculate on their gaydar. Some people probably just come across queer.

trumpets310 · Answer

I wouldn't be offended (plus many guys act jokingly flirty with their guy friends). Being gay doesn't mean you're feminine or anything. But I'll propose a more productive way to ask:
"What's your sexual orientation?"
Works better than "are you gay?", because if you tell a straight man you assumed he's gay, he might feel the need to act differently to appear straight

normalice · Answer

Not at all as it suggests she knows of at least one girl who wants to know if I fuck girls. I wouldn't expect she would tell me who, unfortunately - she might not even know, depending on how the topic came up in her social circles - but it's still a better situation than I was in before she asked.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

Nobody has ever asked me that.

The reason he got offended is because gays are not as accepted as some people think. It's a grave insult to be accused of being gay. To ask if someone is gay is like saying you think they act gay.

There are a lot of people who say they think it's OK to be gay, but they don't really believe it. They are being politically correct, when inside they don't really think it's OK.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Sort of, because it’s only ever happened to me as a result of me rejecting a woman. So it’s clearly meant as an insult. I don’t pass for gay, or even curious i think. I’ve been in gay bars and never was approached. If you can’t handle rejection, don’t risk it. That goes for men and women both.

Kaamraj · Answer

Nope, being gay or homosexual is a sexual preference. Would you get offended if someone said do you like to shower in the morning or evening. I have known many homosexual men in my field (high tension electrical maintenance) they were hardcore and I'd put my life in their hands.

cth96190 · Answer

No, not offended.
That happens to me, from time to yime, because I do not deliver the required response to sexual signals sent by women.
If I want to shock the woman, I will tell her that I was castrated to remove my desire for women.
That causes wide eyes, rapid blinking and a ‘does not compete’ look on her face. 🤣

Sixgunsound · Answer

Because men are held to different and more exacting sexual standards than women. Calling a straight man gay is an insult, where I’ve heard straight women joke that one of the group is “such a lesbian” and nobody cared or gave it a second thought. Asking the question is a linguistic trick/work around for stating the insult. Based on the reaction however, I wonder if he is just not out yet and publicly asking him forced a confrontation that he did not want.

AviatorTom · Answer

I wouldn't be offended. Women think gay guys are good-looking, so I'd thank her for the compliment, saying, "No, I'm not... thanks for the compliment."

Back in my single days I would then ask her if she would like to join me for coffee.

Slartybartfast · Answer

Yeah, it's usually women that are mad a man isn't interested in them that do this.

It's a social attack, a way to control, it's says "I can stop you from having a relationship with other women by a false accusation of homosexuality "

The best response is to ask if she's fully transitioned or still has a peni**..

Emily_925 · Answer

I think most straight guys don't want to be asked that bc they'll feel like people think they're girly or weak ( not that gays are but often they are portrayed that way)

bolverk · Answer

Personally I would not get offended id asked that question, but for some guys it would be the biggest insult you could possibly give them.
If your 'friend' wanted to ask that question why did she not do it privately?
If she had any thoughts about a positive relationship of any kind she just killed that stone dead,

Blueeyes81 · Answer

I don't like personal questions to begin with. There are a lot of questions people just shouldn't ask. My mom is 75 and asked a lady at a restaurant last week what her ethnicity was, the lady was rightfully taken aback. To me the gay question falls in the same boat. If a women likes a guy she'd be better off asking him out than asking him if he's gay.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Eh, it's probably just the shock factor. If it's the first time he's even been asked, he's likely to get a little offended.

Personally, I'm used to it, since I've been waiting to have sex until marriage. So I've gotten that a lot. People get confused easily when they see a guy who isn't sexually active, so they wonder why.

Anonymous · Answer

They think their natural masculinity would answer the question for them.

Some guys are very much in denial about their ability to talk to women. He might think he is suave charming and a ladies man. So he gets offended if that was not immediately obvious...

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I wouldn’t get angry, but I would be offended. If I had any attraction to the woman it would be gone after that interaction.

boggboss · Answer

Because he would take it as his actions have led you to believe he is gay

20yearsolder · Answer

No it probably wouldn't offend me, when you asked I would probably be staring at your boobs, it might take me a little while to respond with hilarious laughter

shanshu · Answer

I got asked once but wasn't offended but can understand the premise of being offended by the question. It's like why should it matter if he is or not.

It's like asking a woman if she's a lesbian, bi, they would get offended because they think he's a perv for asking

qusai_jo · Answer

depends on the guy , but this guy you said he is shy with women maybe he can't deal with female specially if he likes her , let your friend go to him again and tell him she was joking just to open a different subject with him and let her invite him for a coffee

Anonymous · Answer

The ones that are insecure and overreact about it it are for sure on the down low but would rather “fit in “ the with their guy friends and be overly toxic with women because of their own frustrations. That’s my take on it from what I’ve seen. They’re homophobes because they’re insecure deep down.

jhl_x · Answer

No, but it might suggest stuff about how I am or how I act, and about how people perceive that. In the times this happened to me, it was after learning about my lack of experience with women in my 20s, so apparently it's all that matters.

SimpleGuy95 · Answer

Yes because it would make me feel singled out especially if I like her I would take as a sign that she considers me not interesting for dating.
I therefore understand why he´s insulted because it seems like you think he´s not a man for a woman.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I’ve never gotten offended when people ask about my sexuality, then again I’m a gay man so its something I’m used to. A lot of straight dudes are just insecure about their sexuality and masculinity so they take it super personally

yofuknutz · Answer

Many men are on the DOWN LOW these days so U have 2 ASK that? if U don't want HIV, hep B/C/D, syphilis pumped into your snatch or even ass, but ask with MORE class next time, ok?

Kaneki05 · Answer

No because you wouldn't know if ya don't ask. If anything I may take it as compliment. Since I don't try to please the idea of whatever a so called "Real Man" is.

invalid1 · Answer

Not at all, before this was normalised.
Gay is no longer an insult. It also made things better. You gay? No!
If anything in my behaviour sent this notion, then it's your perception, calibrate your gaydar.

MCheetah · Answer

Yeah I would be. That's what b*tchy women do to insult someone. And back in the day, if a guy said that to another guy, those are fighting words.

spartan55 · Answer

Because it's offensive? Are you really that clueless?

lightbulb27 · Answer

no, it's just a sign he needs to look at himself and grow emotionally, be clear about his intentions. women are confused, so that's not their problem.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

Yea that is not a question you should be asking people. Super weird. In fact that is a situation that you could have stepped into

Texaskid1 · Answer

Not a good question to ask at work.  The guy might get offended and anyways one should not date people at work. If a woman asks such a question it could be that she is into him.

ronaldo75 · Answer

Yes because women tend to think men are gay for really stupid ass reasons. Im 100% straight and I've had female co workers ask if Im gay because I dress well. Who the fuck told you all that any man who dresses well is gay?

fiveinthemorning · Answer

No because it’s not true. I don’t do wieners & I don’t pack fudge.  Plus being gay is cool now, so that’d be a plus 😏🤘🏽

fonduegirl · Answer

Because men think gay men can't be masculine, and the biggest insult to a 4yo is being called a girl. Most straight men are homophobic that way.

John_Doesnt · Answer

Nope, I just assume the person is not very observant. If you can't see that I'm constantly glancing at cleavage and looking at girl's booty then that's your problem.

imfreeze95 · Answer

Yes, if you accuse of someone of something they are not they will get pi$$ed off.  Men tend to get especially angry if their sexuality is questioned.

Avicenna · Answer

I’d imagine it’s because you’re implicitly questioning his masculinity, but it’s rude to ask anyway.

bean2k21 · Answer

I take it to mean "Hey, you dress well and have excellent taste in interior design." It doesn't really offend me until she refuses to do anal.

Texasgal95 · Answer

I think just because a guy isn’t very social with women doesn’t always mean they are gay

Guys: do you get offended if a woman asks if you’re gay?

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Do some girls ask you if you have a girl friend because they want to find out if you’re gay?

Guys: do you get offended if a woman asks if you’re gay?

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