Why does my friend act so weird?

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine is a super flirty drunk. Even when he's not drunk he'll flirt with me. When we're alone he tells me he wants to take me out sometime for a good time. He does things like hold my hand, stare at me constantly, always stands/sits by me, tells me he'll always be there, and teases me. I went on a date with someone he knew and that person said they were shocked I showed up because they were under impression I was involved with my guy friend. This person never met me before. I've also heard my friend tells people I'm a sister to him and always tells our siblings when we hang out alone. I confronted him about staring and he just smiled and said "nothing" and looked away. I didn't even know if I wanted to still be friends and he said he does and that he's made comments about me before but not to overthink it and that he'd tell me if he didn't want friendship. He said we're friends we just can't be close friends? I told him I think of him as a brother and he didn't respond. I don't get it, what's his deal?

[WindAtMyBack]

I think he probably likes you, but I can't say 100% certain.

If you really think of him as a brother, with no possibility of more, then consider if your "brother" has a romantic life. Is he going after anyone else? Does he mention anyone in a romantic way, or indicate that he likes someone?

If he is "reserving himself" for you, he needs a nudge to go find someone else. If he is holding out hoping something will happen with you when you know it won't, then he is wasting precious time waiting for you. Time is the most precious thing we have in life. Once we spend it we can't get it back. The clock is ticking and he needs to find the right person for him.

Keep in mind that you MIGHT lose him by setting him free.

[Asker]

I initially liked him, but he's acted this way long-term and never made a move and I got tired of it. He drinks and he'd say he didn't remember being flirty. And like I said, he'd be super nice/flirty to me and then go tell our siblings about it. My sister married his brother. I don't know if he's likes me but feels weird now that they're married or what his deal is. He talks to other girls but never tells anyone about it and they don't last long. He's never told me to my face that he sees me as a sister, just other people. I told him he's like a brother so he'd quit making comments to our siblings. He literally got drunk and told me we'd go on a date sometime. I asked him why he does this and he said he honestly doesn't remember asking.

[WindAtMyBack]

You're in a tough spot with him sending such mixed signals.

I almost get the impression that there might actually be a chance of romance if you guys could get past some of the confusion and be honest. It sounds like he's totally not helping. I think you need to take the bull by the horns and get some straight answers. Insist that he be honest with you.

Is he shy by chance? If so that's a completely different issue. Some guys can be very outgoing with friends, even with the opposite sex, but they freeze when it comes to anything resembling romance.

[Asker]

He definitely has social anxiety. The thing is, he's an alcoholic. Which is a reason I never kept the conversation going when he'd bring up going out together. I do feel he uses it as an excuse when he doesn't want to talk about something, mainly because I've caught him lying about what he claims he doesn't remember. He also tells me really random weird things. One time when it was just the two of us in mid conversation he zoned out and blurted out that he still remembers the day he met me. Then told me details of it and got excited when I remembered. Why blurt that?

[WindAtMyBack]

Well, I'm biased when it comes to alcoholism. I had an alcoholic girlfriend for a long time and it's not going to happen again.

This all seems like a mess. Is it even worth it to you?

[Asker]

Oh I wouldn't get involved with him. He'd have to sober up and I don't see that happening. It's sad because, like anyone with addiction, you wish they could see how awesome they are without it. I'm just trying to make sense of why he acts like this, if that's even possible lol.

[WindAtMyBack]

My guess is that he likes you, but I don't know for sure.

You need to seriously encourage him to find someone and live his own life. And encourage him to quit drinking or at least get it under control.

Something about the alcoholic I was with is that I learned how you have to accept them as they are and not be in a conditional relationship. I kept waiting for things to change and they didn't. I was in it conditionally, and that condition never happened. I probably could have accepted the alcohol, except it had a direct negative impact on the relationship. It directly caused problems.

[Guy13]

He sounds possessive. Doesn’t mean gay or straight, however, he seems possessive. 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️. Not an expert.

[ChillTime101]

He likes you. Just may not be ready to admit it that he does.

[Asker]

He told me we're friends we just can't be close friends. Then he said he doesn't know how else to put it and asked if I knew what he meant. No, I don't know that's supposed to mean. I took it as doesn't even really want friendship and that's when he said he does and not to overthink it. Literally confused.

[ChillTime101]

I understand. I feel the same about a friend I have right now and I am going through something similar. But he may just be denying his feelings or is just going through something in his life right now. He may not want to be close friends because he may see you as a potential partner in the future.

[ChillTime101]

And that's why he may not want to become "bffs" with you

[Asker]

That could be. He blurts out the most random things when it's us talking alone. One time he started staring off into the room and mid conversation goes "I still remember the day I met you. We were at xyz." It took me a second and then I remembered too and he got excited. He also randomly told me that slowly but surely he's changing for the better.

[ChillTime101]

Thanks so much for the mho!

[WhitneySnow]

He likes you