My Personal Trainer boyfriend has flirty clients and ones that constantly text him out of hours. Should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

So, my boyfriend is a personal trainer in an independent gym. He’s a big muscular guy, so often gets a lot of guys coming to him or, young woman. In the past there has been clients from the gym (not his own 1-1 clients but people who attend the gym) who have tried to flirt with him but messaging him inappropriately, sending flirtatious photos etc. but he quickly shut this down by cutting contact and telling them he has a girlfriend. However, some of his 1-1 clients I feel are overly-friendly but he doesn’t seem to see this. They text him random things late at night, add him on all social media platforms (he has a work account and personal accounts - it’s the personal accounts I feel uncomfortable with) and he tells me he needs to accept them as they are clients, I even watched one girl sit in her car applying all kinds of makeup before going in for her session with him (I wasn’t creeping - I was also waiting in my car to go to the gym 😅) He tells me he’s not interested and he needs to appear friendly and can’t set boundaries for these things. But what bothers me is that I am currently doing my courses to become a personal trainer and my boyfriend does not like that as he thinks I will attract a lot of guys attention from this. He also doesn’t like me to have males on my social media. How do I get him to set boundaries with these clients without him losing the client?

Updates

1 y

I would probably add his boss is quite insistent that he adds these people on social media. I don’t understand it at all.

[AmandaYVR]

You are both working/getting into a profession that is fully loaded with vanity, insecurity, ego, sexuality. For some it might be primarily about genuinely just getting in shape, but there's always going to be elements of the other things I mentioned, to varying degrees.

People hire trainers not just for their knowledge, but to be a cheerleader and provide positive reinforcement and encouragement. He wants/needs the clients to think he likes them. If a trainer doesn't do enough of this, give feedback, the client may not want to stick with the trainer, and might just go elsewhere or go it alone. The more friendly and personal the relationships, the more it keeps clients coming back to the gym. There's some truth, or logic, to this. Plus, his boss wants him to do this. It affects all their pocketbooks/bottom lines. It's akin to a Publicist telling their client who works in the entertainment business to either be vague, or not answer questions directly, about whether they have a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. It helps with the fantasy of people imagining that they could be with this person.

He probably should never have added clients to his personal social accounts. He has work accounts, so he could have had a policy and kept them separate. You've told him your feelings about boundaries, and he's told you his. Sounds like you're at a standoff. I don't know what the best course of action is here. And it doesn't sound like there is any compromise to be made. I'd say you might just not feel comfortable enough, being with a personal trainer, in your personal life. But you are also getting into this industry, so you will likely experience all the exact same stuff yourself. Maybe you need to live it in order to understand the dilemma he faces. He clearly has decided to go one way with it, which is to give in to his clients and dissolve 'boundaries', as you call them. Girls are going to flirt with him. They're going to send him late night texts. And guys are going to flirt with you. Although you will probably not get as many male clients as he gets female, just because males are stronger and there may be a safety issue with the weight training differences.

Many male personal trainers do sleep with their clients. Some are probably even drawn to the work because of this. So do you have reason to feel worried? Yes. You might as well date a bartender. They're both in that same category of constant temptation. If you want to be with him, there's probably nothing you can do here, because it's not just idle flirting, it's actually directly tied to his income. If you get certified eventually, and take on your own clients, adopt the same policies as him. That might be the only way something changes. Or maybe you'll both find it's the only way.

[Anonymous]

This is not professional. I know of personal trainers who will allow their clients to add them on their public social media account but they would never allow them to follow their personal accounts or would they allow their clients to contact them after a certain time and they would immediately pull their client up regarding sending text messages that are not workout related especially if they are in a relationship.

This is definitely something to be concerned about.

[maximumpower]

Like other "attractive" professions (doctor, lawyer, military officer, etc.), some guys get hit on a lot.
Worry about it only when you know for sure that he's stepping out.

[msc545]

Nah, all that is part of why he has customers. Let it be.

[Guy13]

Yes as that is not professional.

[Guy13]

Sadly, when one acts unprofessionally one is taking Risks. One never takes Risks without Rewards assumed or pending. Clearly, we know what Rewards are in this situation. How did you two meet and become Boy/girlfriends?

[Asker]

We actually met through his work. I was getting personal training off one of his colleagues, and I met him through the gym. This was around 2 and a half years ago.

[Guy13]

Oh my…. So, he’s been faithful for 2.6 years. Congratulations 🎊. Engage/Marriage discussed ⁉️ How old yiu two ⁉️

[Anonymous]

You, be very concerned.