Why do ‘love avoidant’ or ‘emotionally unavailable’ men seem to be attracted or want needy girls?

[Anonymous]

I can understand why a girl will be attracted by this type of men as I am needy myself, I think the true cause is the abandonment or lack of true emotional connexion with her father. This is a very deep pain and hard to access or ‘heal’…
What about the men’s perspective? What’s the true injury behind and how does it express itself or how does it feel for men? It seems weird to me that they want these girls in the first place just to be turned off by their clingy behavior in the next moment… I think it mostly expresses itself sexually

for some reason the polar opposite seem to be drawn to each other but why

[rtj1211]

Emotionally avoidant men usually had poor emotional relationships with their mothers, which meant they grew up unable to feel safe, happy or validated expressing their young masculine emotions in the presence of women.

They will first want to find a woman who can understand their own upbringing, and what better person to understand than a needy girl whose father didn't make her feel special, protected and loved?

Relationships like that often do not progress to marriage, but they do tend to help both partners start to process their childhood emotional disappointments, which are necessary if they ever want successful truly adult relationships to take place.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response this is helpful. This makes sense I think, it’s very hard as we are polar opposites, he wants to be deeply understood yet will be avoidant, and I will be scared of actual and true intimacy due to being vulnerable and not wanted, and yet will be clingy.

[Asker]

Maybe deep down they have a fear of being left alone, even if they know better than anyone else how to be independent, so what’s best than a needy girl who clings around no matter what, at least they feel some level of control or reassurance… what do you think?