Should I be annoyed at this?

[emilyr21]

I met this guy about 6 months ago. We live a few hours away from each other but have seen each other and few times since and in between that we text all the time. We have gotten incredibly closer and flirt all the time. I am going to be not far from where he is in a week or so visiting a friend so I asked him if he'd be free and he told me that he won't know exactly what he has on until closer to the time (it's literally next week!). It's just made me feel like he will meet up with me if he has nothing else to do, but if someone else asks him to do something then it's a no to me.

[SteveSmith1985]

This sounds like a situation where you and this guy haven't ever DEFINED what exactly "you are." You didn't say anywhere if this was your boyfriend? just a friend? Friends with benefits? Just having fun?

What exactly are the rules? What IS "this thing you two have going on"?

Forgive me if I'm mistaken, and you have in fact already talked about all of this and are both clear on the answer to all that.

You see, if you started this with "my boyfriend" instead of "a guy you met"... this would be super-simple. IF he were your boyfriend, you would be "right" to be annoyed. Nobody would try and argue with that. You would have a legitimate claim to be his priority.

BUT, if nothing has been explicitly TALKED ABOUT when it comes to "what this is"... then, unfortunately, the answer is now "no, you do not have a right to be annoyed about this".

I am such a huge fan of talking about things, and making sure everyone is on the same page. I even have a name for it: the "exclusivity conversation". That's where everyone makes sure--out loud--that both people want a relationship, agree not to see anyone else (become exclusive) and then nobody ever has to wonder "do I have a right to be mad about..." because the 'rules' of relationships are pretty clear for the most part.

THe rules of... two people who seem to clearly like each other and have gotten progressively closer over the last 6 months and things have gotten quite flirty... Those rules are way less clear.

You can't really be upset because he did something "wrong" if you've never discussed the 'rules of the game'. I think you need an 'exclusivity conversation.' Until then, he doesn't 'owe' you any priority over anyone/anything else. So I would say that you don't have a right to be annoyed until you have that talk! 🙂

[QuietVerbena]

I agree with you