I called him out and he had nothing to say why?

[sd1223]

So this an ex turned friends with benefits if you can call it that. Well we met up once again two days ago and after we did our thing he said he wanted to talk to me for a bit. So the conversation pretty much was about him asking me why I’m so in my feelings about him knowing that it’s not going to go any further because he doesn’t feel that way about me. We’ve already had this conversation before so I’m not sure what made him want to have this same talk again. When I texted and asked him he just opened the text and didn’t say anything. So the same night we had this convo, after I got back home, I had texted asking him if he remember this convo we had back in May. It pretty much was me asking him what he was going to do for his birthday the following month and he said he didn’t know maybe go out of state. I said well if you go, take me with you because we we’d have a good time. He says he knows we would have a good time. The other part of it was him asking me if he got a tattoo what should he get and I wanted to say my name but didn’t. Then he asked me would I ever get a tattoo with his name on it and I said we would have to be married and for life to do that. But then the next day I asked him if he got a tattoo with my name on it where would he get it and he said on his man parts to say that it’s mine and to never forget that. So when I asked him if he remembers this convo he said he did but when I asked him how he could say things like that for example but claim he doesn’t feel that way about me he did the same thing he opened it but didn’t say anything. So it’s like when I call him out he doesn’t have an answer. So what do you guys think about him not having a response?

[Anonymous]

Tbh it sounds like you’re wasting your time and getting your hopes up more and more. A man should never be able to tell you more than once that he doesn’t want you, and the fact that he has and not only do you settle for that, but then you purposely misconstrue his actions. Letting go is hard but there’s no getting back the time you’ve invested and you are missing opportunities by reserving yourself for a man who won’t commit. Hopefully one day soon you can rediscover your worth, because right now he is devaluing you.

[sd1223]

Not misconstruing anything. All I did was ask him about a conversation we had and I asked him how he could say those things when he says he doesn’t feel a way about me and he had no answer. I even gave him an answer by saying so it was just a random conversation to you then? He still said nothing. That’s really what I was wondering about. I confront him and he has nothing to say. Then also it’s a two way street the same way I could walk away from him he could walk away from me if he really wanted to do me a favor just saying.

[Opinion Owner]

Why would he walk away when you’re giving him all the benefits of having a girlfriend without committing? In no way am I trying to make you feel bad, but if everything you’ve just said in this comment and your original posting doesn’t scream to you that he’s self-serving then you’re giving him far too much credit. When I say misconstrue, I guess I am just too literal with the definition of it because what I’m saying is that you are wrongly interpreting his words and actions. Like ‘how can he say this or that when he says he feels nothing for me’, he’s not void of emotion or care towards you. But to wonder if these comments he makes can mean anything other than what he’s already told you (not wanting a relationship) is just a waste of your time and emotions. I don't know what you’re waiting around on him for, maybe it’s to be set free or him to walk away first, but he’s not going to do it. He knows how you feel, he knows he can have you when he wants, and you’re just too convenient. I say that respectfully.

[sd1223]

That’s what my friend said I’m all the benefits without him fully committing. He claims he has so many girls that like him I’m like well why not have sex with one of them? It’s hard to walk away especially when you love the person. And I love this man to death. I’ve heard what he said and it’s hit me and it hurts so bad. Well tell me this I asked him what made him have the convo about things not going further once again because we’ve had it before and he read it but didn’t say anything?

He asks me why do I continue to mess with him knowing he doesn’t feel the same way or that it will go any further although he said he’s not telling me stop.

But why didn’t he want to answer when I asked why we were having the same convo again?
Because the first time he said I don’t want to talk about any of that stuff and we ended up doing so because of him I don’t get it

[Opinion Owner]

Walking away is hard af I know, but even if you love him to death girl you have to love yourself more because somebody has to. Consider how mean these things he says to you are, and do you see why? It’s because he’s growing resentment. Each time he says something shitty, you still stick around and it also causes him to lose respect for you. If he can treat you like that, then there’s no value or care in being honest vs lying to your face, you honestly may not even be able to tell the difference anymore. So even if to your knowledge he’s not having sex with anyone, I promise someone else is in the picture, and the sad part of it is he does not owe you a truth because you’re not his girlfriend, and that should be unacceptable for you.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not sure what your past is like with men. I know personally that if you’ve been hurt and disappointed in the past then you can become numb to it and start to believe toxic situations like this, along with things that he tells you, are actions of genuine love or care. Let me just say that none of this is love, you’ve just tricked yourself into feeling like it is simply because he isn’t walking away and tells you reassuring things from time to time. Start looking at his actions for what they are — selfish, and manipulative. He says whatever he knows you will want to hear to keep you reeled in, because as I said before, you are convenient sex and that’s lame.

[sd1223]

My friends have given me the same speech but I asked him these questions to get in his head and him not having an answer makes me like well why don’t you have an answer? He’s been told me that what this is is what it is and it won’t progress. I don’t want to believe he’s a bottom like Tay and that he did have some kind of feelings at some point. He doesn’t give me heartless vibes but then again you think you know someone and actually don’t.

The big part of this for me is that he says he just doesn’t have that desire for me like I do him and I get that but I ask him why not and he can’t give me an answer. If I’m such a good woman and do everything right by him what about me makes you feel like you could never love me or we could never have a future. I think that’s what’s really driving me about him.
The same reason I can tell what I love about him he can’t say what it is about me that makes him not love me.

[Opinion Owner]

Reading this makes me sad, because even if you’re not actually saying this, your actions and line of questioning him is so devaluing to yourself. There is such a big air of “why won’t you love me back? Why won’t give me a good reason why you won’t be with me? I’m such a good woman, why are you doing this to me?”. You give him soooo much power over your life romantically, power that he doesn’t even deserve. It should never ever be ok that he can literally stand in your face and basically say “you know I’ll never be your man, so why do you stick around?”, like why isn’t that hurtful enough to make you shut him out? You can name each reason why you love every fiber of his being but he can’t even give you 1, let alone say that he loves you and only degrades you. I know being strong is hard but girl you need to dig that strength up and drop him.

[kylee2437]

This is toxic and messy. Seems to me like he’s trying to toy with you and you are logically thinking rather than emotionally thinking so it’s stumping him. Do not get reattached to him

[Guy13]

You guys were together and it dd not work so you broke up. You both felt something so you maintained sexual relations. The differences have not improved and seem to have heightened. Why would you remain in a relationship where he has no true intent of making it you twos last relationship?

[Danny_dan92]

Fucken exactly

[Guy13]

@Danny_dan92 thank you very funken much 👍👍

[sd1223]

I don’t know the sex is good but I just really like him believe it or not he can be really charming when he wants to be; it’s our conversations for me and some things that’s been said as well

[Danny_dan92]

Be honest. It’s really just about the sex.

You could find that elsewhere.

You’re just comfortable

[Guy13]

I can’t change you. We can see the writing on the wall and your insecurities and willingness to settle for abuse 🤷🏻‍♂️
I really do hope it works out the way you wish but it is not a healthy dynamic

[sd1223]

@Danny_dan92 Believe it or not it’s not just the sex I’m still in my feels about him from when we first started talking and met, and he can get sex from someone else as well since he says he has all these girls that like him. I don’t have other options right now.

[Danny_dan92]

I honestly think you’re settling. Do you think that’s the right thing to do? Like for yourself?

[sd1223]

@Danny_dan92 It’s not but it’s what it is between us until one or either of us walk away. He started seeing someone else last year briefly and as a result I started talking to someone else. I don’t think he liked that because 6 months later the guy ended up coming up in a conversation and my ex I’m talking about accused me of still messing with the guy or talking to him and I’m like no he got what he wanted and ghosted and I hadn’t talked to him since. Funny thing is he tells me to talk to other guys and when I go off and do that and even hooked up with the guy he didn’t seem to like that. I don’t get him sometimes. He did the same thing so how can be upset I did it?

Then one time when me and my ex were intimate he said in the middle of it that he feels for me. Mind you he’s never talked to me like that before when we have sex and when I asked him about it he played it off like he didn’t say it or that I mistook what he said and I’m like no I know what I heard.

[Danny_dan92]

Yes but he sets double standards. That’s toxic

[FilmGuy93]

He told you he would get your name tatted on his cock because he was blowing smoke up your ass. He isn't seriously thinking about doing that, he was just being stupid. You're honestly wasting time continuing to talk with him.

[sd1223]

Well that’s what I asked him was that just a random conversation to him and he didn’t say anything

[FilmGuy93]

I feel yah. He probably doesn’t even know where things are going himself. Do you know what you’re going to do?

[sd1223]

No I don’t. I guess I just want to keep it going until it’s not a thing anymore. It’s like I told him, I want him in my life, it may not be how I want him in my life but for him to be out of it it wouldn’t feel so good.

[sd1223]

I just don’t want to believe that in the whole 2 years of us knowing each other that he doesn’t feel anything towards me. I told him he made me his girlfriend before so you must’ve felt something then. He just doesn’t make sense to me. He says he just doesn’t have that desire for me but that I’m a good woman, I do a lot for him etc etc. I ask him well if that’s the case what is it about me that makes you not like me that way and he’s like I just don’t feel that way. I feel like whether you like someone or don’t it’s always a reason never just you have those feelings.

[Danny_dan92]

Oh wow. I don’t think it’s wise to continue.

You’ll just end up disappointed in the end.

[Danny_dan92]

The fact that you turned an EX into a FWB’s is a problem.


Just let the dick go.

[Wise4myage]

You should left him and never looked back.