Why aren’t guys or men subtle when checking someone out?

[Anonymous]

I have a male coworker that when we speak he normally pulls his chair back and looks at me straight in the eyes and then head to toe and then tilts his head and looks at my legs. Then he continues to look me in the eye for the rest of the conversation. I’ve noticed this and I find it quite funny that he’s not very subtle when he does it and he’ll do this maybe once or two times during the conversation but every time that I speak to him regardless of whether it was throughout the day or just once, if I pass by him he’ll do this.
Is this considered checking out? And if it is why aren’t men subtle when doing this?

[Subglacial]

I can't tell you what your coworker is thinking, but I can give you some insight on my own embarrassing behavior.

Sometimes I might "accidentally" get caught checking somebody (strangers) out to see if they check me back. That almost never happens, so I try to take the hint pretty quickly and look at something else.

Other times, honestly, I might not even realize I'm that I'm looking. Sometimes my eyes focus on a person's body when I'm lost in thought. Sometimes (usually), upon seeing a woman, my eyes zip from face to butt to boob and back to face in a split second. I once had to explain to my girlfriend, whose chest was getting looks from a coworker, that it's not necessarily conscious or intentional behavior, and it doesn't mean he doesn't take you seriously.

If you don't mind your coworker looking and you're curious what he's thinking, you could try some provocative body language to see how he reacts.

[Asker]

Language like? I don’t want to give the impression of desperate or easy. I’m not like that but I am curious to know, because there’s other things that I notice like your voice gets soft, he’ll touch my shoulder or hands, he’ll ask me a couple times if I’m okay, if I am talking to myself or I mentioning something or remembering some thing and I’m saying it out loud even though I’m saying it to myself he’ll hear me and he’ll ask me

[Subglacial]

I mean, you definitely don't need to go full Basic Instinct. I was thinking more along the lines of just drawing attention to the fact that he's looking, and communicating that you aren't embarrassed. When he looks at your legs, maybe shift them slightly while continuing to look at him, or tilt your head and smile. Something that says "I see you looking. What would you like to do about it?"

Take my advice with a bit of salt, though. I don't actually flirt much. I'd hate to see a question pop up on Girl's Behavior next week asking why this guy's female coworker keeps weirdly flirting with him. Indeed, maybe you should ask in the Flirting section.

I do want to add that while your guys does sound suspiciously attentive, getting emotionally close to a woman is not ALWAYS a sign of romantic attraction. Some guys really do just care about how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Guys are not into subtlety. We are into being real. Our question to you is... why is it always so hard to figure out what you women mean to say and what you want?

[Asker]

Some women like to play games, other women are blunt and honest. Now I’m speaking of myself I always say what I mean and I always make clear what I want. I know of women that have told me I like this guy I want to sleep with this guy or I wanna be with his guy but I wanna mess with him first, and I can’t tell you how much I despise that because that’s disrespectful and not to mention very confusing and rude.

[Opinion Owner]

I wish there were more like you.

[Asker]

awe that’s sweet. I wish people were just honest about what they want and their intentions, I really don’t understand why people have to make things so complicated

[Opinion Owner]

Agreed!

[heavymetalbrotha]

Why bother beating around the bush in a sense, I figure

[Asker]

you think something should be said then?

[Anonymous]

Many do try to be subtle, and getting caught terrifies them.

[Asker]

But in his case, he knows I notice and he doesn’t try to hide it or act like he’s not.

[Opinion Owner]

I believe you. I just don't know what you want me to say about it. Some people just have no shame.

[Asker]

😆 it’s okay. He doesn’t make me uncomfortable, I do like him. But I don’t really know the difference between interest or friendly or flirting

[Opinion Owner]

I can't speak on if he is or isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with you, but at the very least, it does sound like he finds you attractive.