Are some guys just too passive to ask a woman out?

[Anonymous]

I heard that. But i am a very passive lady. I wait for men to do every step.

[exitseven]

I don't think I was passive. Scared to death was more like it. I liked a girl and I sort of thought she liked me too. My friends told me that I should tell her how I felt. I was too afraid to. A couple of years later I came back and looked her up. I went over to talk to her and we made a date for the next day. I went to her house and her mother told me she was at work which I knew was a lie because I stopped where she worked to see if she wanted a ride home (she had no car). She called to tell me she had to work late and not to wait around for her which I knew was a lie. The thing that she doesn't know is that I had a whole speech in my head. I was going to tell her how I felt and if she was interested I would move there and get a job and maybe we would move in together.

[Novacane]

I am passive but that's because I know what women go through, I've had many friends that are women and would always complain about how men are always trying to talk to them and how they want to be left alone, I've also seen many people online complaining about that. I also know that a lot of women get catcalled which I agree is just wrong. Therefore when I think about talking to a girl all this comes to my mind. I literally start thinking about what they will think of me. I can already tell that they will think "another guy trying to talk to me" and no matter what a woman will always judge a man when approaching doesn't matter if there are good intentions. Therefore I don't want to add to their list of men trying to talk to her while she's just doing her. That's why I never approach unless I know they are interested. Even then I am a bit hesitant because I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable in any way that I rather just remove myself out of the equation.

[AmandaYVR]

Yes some men are too passive.
But far more girls are too passive.

Do you want someone else to run your life, bring 'fate' to you, or do you want to take it, and direct it yourself?

[williamHD]

My question is it considered passiveness if you tell a girl you like her and your already been on dates

[williamHD]

Or friendly hangouts not dates

[AmandaYVR]

@williamHD Why would that be passive? I think that's the opposite. It's communicative, respectful, and lets her know how you are feeling, but doesn't place a lot of pressure on her.
Many girls like to be friends first. If they can dip their toe in the water, and slowly get to know the guy's character and personality, they're happy.
But guys don't want to waste too much of their time and energy on a friendship, when what they really want is a romantic relationship.
So I think what you suggest is sort of the best of both worlds.
At some point, people have to say how they feel about others. Everyone needs to do this at some point.

P. S., Asker, you downvoted me for this? This is a perfect example of why anon pinks have the reputation they do. Y'all can't handle anything that's not 100% supporting you.
In the real world, people have differences of opinion. And it's not the end of the world.
Stop fingerpointing at people who think differently. And I'm not just talking about me - your question is blaming guys for not approaching more. Did you ever look at it from their perspective? What's with all this equality and respect you 20somethings want, without having to take risks and action, yourself? Guys are no longer going to do "everything" because you girls, of your generation, told them it's not ok anymore.

[williamHD]

Generally I hate that I even told this one girl because she no longer even wants to be friends and I knew their was a small amount of romantic interest. Good discussion.

[AmandaYVR]

@williamHD Ooh, so you were friends wanting more, and then when you told her it killed both. Yep, that certainly happens. It's the risk you take. But now you won't waste your time (if that's how you feel.)

You might be interested in browsing my 2 qs on this:

Of your past romantic relationships, did they start out as friends? ↗

Guys, how do you feel about 'the friendzone', or being left in purgatory, wondering how the girl feels about you, or if she'll ever return feelings? ↗

[K-I-S-S]

I don't do it.

Childhood wasn't very good and after that didn't felt really wanted. I have had girlfriends and together with current one for 10 years. Also good at what i do, fit, pretty succesful, skillful etc etc.

I am dominant among guys and in my relationships, so no problem there.

I just feel not wanted really, especially by women. They get hit on or talked to too often so why add the annoyance. "But of course they would like to meet me, i'm special"😅

I mostly hang by myself, not really social with outsiders.

Let them hang with whoever they want.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I wait for women to do every step, never asked a woman out in my entire life, not because I think I can't but because I just never found anyone in the united states that was open enough to know whether or not they would be worth asking until after they have either already asked me, or they made it known that they were taken already. exceptions exist but I don't want to dare a streamer or gaming celeb for introvert reasons.

For this reason I prefer assertive women, as it speeds up forcing them to open up when i initially refuse their advances, because at that point they have to make their case as to why I should change my mind. I've had a few girlfriends in the past, all were the type to openly admit they liked me.

[Oxerourrrv]

Ewww

[Anonymous]

Then you'll get nowhere, girl.

At the very least, you need to know how to flirt, and actually do some flirting. A guy can be expected to make the first step. And even a few steps. But all of them?

What the fuck are you bringing to the table?

[AzzaBlue]

Absolutely nothing. Honestly I am surprised that children like her don't expect/ demand that us men wipe their arses as well.

[normalice]

Unlikely to be a reason. Guys generally don't ask girls out because they don't want to give the impression that they are open to the possibility of a committed relationship. Or because it is considered weakness to make one's ambitions known - once other people know what you want they can take it and use it to control you or humiliate you for failure.

[Oxerourrrv]

Oh so those guys who don't ask me out but flirt want casual sex huh? I dont fornicate.

[normalice]

Likely but they could also be flirting for entertainment.

[Unit1]

I still remember those insane hormones and adrenaline effect, which felt like a real physical restraint telling a woman I have feelings for, that I like her. Sounds crazy but that's part of growing up 😁 Eventually many of us will get used to it. First rejection is likely always the worst one but the 100. th one will feel like another breath.

[TheUniqueOne96]

Yes, some guys are too shy or just feel like they aren't good enough for that reason.

I definitely feel like I've had at least one chance to at least talk to a girl, but I felt awkward, when I look back at it, not that I was going to ask her out either.

[chiozok1]

yeah. i guess the more you like her the scarier it is. Literally you can have everything planned in your head and how to approach, and you will think you are ready to tell her the next day. But then the next day comes along, and in real life, face-to-face, you cannot manage to do it. So basically it's all in your head, but you cannot make the move, because that may create effects that you are not sure of. But, if a man has a good hunch and a lot of obvious hints that she would respond favorably, then I don't think we would be scared at all. It is the uncertainty that makes it quite scary.

[Anonymous]

And I wait for women to do every step lol

The "rules", especially when it comes to who should do what is ridiculous to me. I also hate dating (the process) so I rarely ever ask anyone out. I've also been turned down EVERY single time, when I actually have, so I gave up a long time ago. I'll stay single lol.

[AzzaBlue]

Yeah good luck with that. Many women today are simply children who refuse to grow up and they will cling to outdated notions like "Tradition" or "Chivalry" to absolve themselves of adult responsibility. The real reason why women want man to do everything is because they are lazy self entitled cowards. Unfortunately this won't change any time soon as there are too many simps out there who are enabling these bullshit behaviors.

[loveslongnails]

Obviously, "some guys" are too afraid to ask women out for fear of rejection. They either wait for the woman to make a definitive more, or they never date. If you are so passive as to not give off any indication to a man that you may be interested, you just reduce your chances of getting asked out.

[Oxerourrrv]

Nobody cares what excuses weak males use not to ask women out. Lmfao

[loveslongnails]

@Oxerourrrv Well, that's not really the point. If a woman shows absolutely zero interest in a guy, then he probably won't pursue her after the initial attempt, or two. If he's too weak to even try, then she doesn't want him anyway!

[Unbeatable]

Good job on calling it passivity and not shyness...

I could easily ask a girl out and get rejected without feeling hurt. But i dont because its a waste of my time at the moment to pursue random women who are just completely mysterious. Way too much effort to find a good one.

If she were in my social circle, id be less passive.

[dragoblack]

Some of us are oblivious to flirting, some don't know if she's just flirting or just being nice, some have had horrible ex-girlfriends, some are just shy, some have no confidence, some it is anxiety, and in my position, fear of people due to long childhood trauma of major social abuse.

[FilmGuy93]

Some guys are. Most guys won't make a move unless you make it clear that you want him to approach. A very small number of guys lack the social awareness enough to be able to approach random women, and even fewer have the confidence to do that well.

[Djaay]

Don't wait for situations to arise. You make situations happen by intiating yourself to interest you have with something or someone. Listen to another's idea of your interest In them and go from there. If there not interested , smile and move on , it ain't nothing. Always another.

[t-8900]

until I was about 26 I was paralyzed with fear when I woman I liked try to flirt with me. I could shoot it with the guys all day. But because I never had a mother in my life I really didn't understand women at all.

[Oxerourrrv]

How dids you change

[t-8900]

@Oxerourrrv I had to face the rejections and I had to make the moves. I got tired of being lonely and scoffed at for not being brave enough. One day I just bit my pride and while I managed to look kind of foolish stuttering when asking a girl out I managed to get her number.

[Oxerourrrv]

Nice! Did you marry?

[Oxerourrrv]

And nothing bad with stuttering... I do it too randonly. Its humbling but its good to be humble

[t-8900]

@Oxerourrrv no I'm single atm. Still looking for love.

[Oxerourrrv]

Glad ur not in fear anymore.

[Oxerourrrv]

I am learning to not live in fear too

[t-8900]

@Oxerourrrv if you need friends that can walk you through it you just let me know. I know what its like first hand and its not easy. Hit me up anytime.

[Oxerourrrv]

Thanks !

[KibblesBits]

yes in equal numbers as women, but people don't realize it because these men are expected to perform self abuse (i. e. start relationships even when they're passive).

[Oxerourrrv]

Faaaag

[EaterPeter]

Yes guys can be very passive. The least you can do is if someone is being passive active with you, you want to make sure you encourage ethem or at least not discourag or ridicule them. We have to get go or no go from you. Without that it is anything but consent.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about passive but i don't ask women out. I honestly just don't see any woman to be WORTH more than a friendship. Women change when you ask them out up till you ask them out they're a fairly rationale human being. But all that changes after you ask them out.
I don't know if that answered your question. But i tried.

[Anonymous]

I’m not, girls have rejected me or I’ve been that dude off”I don’t know”. I’m in shape, im patient, straight forward, I give space, have a masters degree, saving money, cook good food, I love to make others laugh, I’m decent looking... never had a girlfriend. I guess girls have super high expectations.

[Birdlegs]

I’ve never asked anyone out in my life I’ve reached out to girls through dms before but that’s just me fuckin around if I’m bored but every girl I’ve ever messed with has made the first move to me

[Jamie05rhs]

Not really passive. Just scared of the consequences if things go wrong. So we choose to remain silent and just leave the girls alone. It's safer that way.