Guys: Do you strategically plan how to approach a woman you're interested in if you find her a bit intimidating or out of your league?

[Anonymous]

Or do you just not bother approaching her at all?

I plan and then make my move. It may take me a while, though.

I plan and then make my move. It doesn't take me that long to make my move.

I think about it for a few minutes and then approach.

I don't plan, I just act.

I don't think I could approach a woman who I perceive to be out of my league who intimidates me in some way.

Updates

1 y

The poll seems very polarizing: 50% would never approach, 50% approach without thinking about it at all.

[JamesDiaz11]

I don't consider any woman out of my league. Women are just normal people who live life on easy mode- e. g. they get to sit back and be approached while men have to do the approaching.

I'm taken, but I don't ever approach a woman with the idea that she's above me in some way- that lays the groundwork for your to accept things you shouldn't accept. Slow replies, cancelled dates, friendzone activities etc. Sure, some women (whether they're prettier than average or not) have the idea that guys will never give up, and the onus is on us to impress them enough to get their attention, but if I don't get reciprocation really quickly I don't bother.

For example: If I talk to a girl in the gym and she acts like taking an airpod out is the end of the world, I'll just wave her off and go back to what I was doing. If I match with someone on a dating app and their replies are 1-2 words I just unmatch them. I don't get mad about it, I just don't give time to people like that. I've had extremely beautiful woman readily reciprocate, and dead-average women act like they couldn't bother with a peasant; so, I don't associate beauty with my ability to get them.

[Anonymous]

Women fit in two categories in my mind

The first is women to have a friendship with that involves sex

The second is a wife

The standards for the friend one are confined to basically anyone who I mildly enjoy being around.

When I see a woman who it's easy to see that they're an above average, maybe even intimidating woman, I get turned on at first but then I start seeing flaws that bother me to the point where it's hard for me to take them seriously for either spot in my life.

To be honest I'm not totally sure why it happens to me. I wonder sometimes if it's because maybe a deep part of me is afraid of rejection. I'm comfortable with the idea of it, but maybe some part of my being isn't exactly on board with it so my brain just looks for excuses.

Or maybe it genuinely is that it's just that hard for me to meet someone who is my type.

I've tried dating women who were very different from me and I either ended up not having respect for them or they ended up not having respect for me and I think the commonality steamed from differing world views and how we interperated the world around us.

[grierwrange]

I think guys want to say they have no issues approaching but this is the internet. I hardly ever see guys courageous enough to approach my friends who are gorgeous unless they are a stud muffin themselves and even then, I think those guys are shy if they think “she’s out of his league”

[Haha456]

honestly i think its easier for a guy to go for a girl above his league than for a girl to go for a guy above her league. i tried going for guys above my league and burned badly multiple times.

[coachTanthony]

Most men won't even approach. They just think why bother.

[Finchie40]

I just go for it , I use to be nervous when I was younger until I realized what I am nervous about? If she denies me she denies me , if she is all about me , even better , it’s better to take the chance then not take the chance at all is the way I look at it , when I didn’t take the chance I would kick myself in the ass and think how stupid I was for not going for her or saying anything , so I just go for it nowadays when I am single of course , I will usually compliment something about her to break the ice , tell her I like her beautiful hair , or make a joke about something she is looking at Girls love that shit or I just say you have gorgeous eyes , it’s nice to meet you And introduce myself , the majority of the time it works but not always , so it’s the chance I take if she catches my eye, The key is to not come off to creepy , if she senses you being creepy then nothing you say will catch her attention

[CaptainOverthink]

I can't do the poll.
I don't believe in leagues.

But I will say that I may either make a plan or not..
If I do, it takes a while and I am more nervous than I need to be and it never goes as planned as there is Always some other direction that the situation goes..

If I don't, then I'd wing it straight up. I wouldn't even allow myself the time to acknowledge that it's going down until I can't back out. Because I am too prone to thinking ahead.
Most likely though I'd also not admit to myself that it's what I am doing as I easily get spun up about it, I simply try to make friends. As natural as I could.
But it won't feel natural unless it is, whivh is when I'm not flirting😅🤣😂🤔😯😭

[Anonymous]

Voted E, the last option.

There was a girl at my workplace who i had a crush on and i tried to talk to her but never had the courage. I also would always get nervous around her.

she must have noted my behavior over the weeks and then one day when i got nervous again she asked me why i get nervous. I think she knew why.

after that she always initiated conversations with me and one day touched me. That’s when i got the hint that she liked me too.

[Asker]

So what happened? :)

[Opinion Owner]

Sadly nothing lol. She left to pursue further studies. Tbf i didn't really make any efforts to talk to her as as she did because i was nervous. She would join me during lunch when i was eating alone a d would ask me questions like where i studied, what my hobbies are, gym talk and so on. She would initiate questions, i would answer them, and then ask her back. I wish i asked her out but was too afraid.

Again, I’m only assuming that she was interested because her touching was pretty strong in my opinion, she put her hand here the belly button is and kept it there. She was also very close to me to the point where her forehead was right under my chin with our torsos being like 2 inches apart. I would say thats a good sign.

[Asker]

Yes, sure sounds like she was very into you, and gave off very obvious signs, but waited for you to make the final move. Sad it didn't work out.

Please trust your gut feeling next time, it is always correct. :)

Good luck!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks. I just couldn’t behave normally around her and she probably thought i wasn't interested after she gave some signs.

by the way, a question, the stuff I wrote, would u do it to a guy and just mean it in a friendly way? I’ma but confused

[Asker]

Touching someone's belly is very intimate, I would not do that to a person who wasn't my partner.

But all the other things you wrote, yes, sounds like something I would also do when flirting (not when just behaving normally / friendly).
Breaking the personal space is a huge one - it 100% means she's interested.

[Opinion Owner]

The other things? You mean the nervous question or the girlfriend question?

[Asker]

Both.

[Astarlessnightsky]

I plan out every move and don't do anything of it all.

Or

I plan out every move and the woman never realizes i made a move and goes home.

[Asker]

Wow, that must be really frustrating.

[churbleburble78]

I'd approach anyone "out of my league"... if you don't try, you don't get. Equally, they might be sick of men NOT approaching them and be thankful that we at least tried!

I also don't do chat-up lines, there's no need for cheese or innuendo.

[FoolShiro]

Out of my league?

Lady, finding someone with shared attraction IN my league is a challenge.

[Asker]

Yes! Thank you. :)

[MrCommodore]

I wouldn't find many women intimidating, I'd just talk to her first and see if there is a spark.

[Asker]

Very healthy way to approach the situation and life in general.

[red324]

I always feel like the situation isn't appropriate to ask for a number so usually I don't, but I need to not worry about holding up the guy behind me in line an extra 30 seconds to get her number. Or to ask to quickly jot mine down. I overthink everything.

[cth96190]

No woman intimidates me.
I gave up approaching years ago. I became tired of rejections.
Also, the risk of a hysterical reaction and a sexual harassment complaint increased to the point that it became an unacceptable risk.

[Anonymous]

If they are not particularly well-read or well-spoken, intriguing or breath-taking as a person I don't bother approaching them. If they are, I can't help making a move regardless of their league. I know they won't like a nerdy "average" guy like me if they are not remarkable in some ways. Plus, I don't want to boost their egos if they don't display other qualities except their looks.

[Avicenna]

No, I don't plan a thing and approach her on the fly if I find her interesting. I don't tie myself into knots overthinking it or rating her- I take action.

[Anonymous]

I don't typically approach women. But if I do no woman is out of my league or intimidates me.

[MLGbreezy]

I do this with woman in general now cause I’m not tryna make a but especially with prettier girls cause I’m not tryna make a fool of myself men have a lot of pressure on them when it comes to approaching girls.

[Anonymous]

I might take some time just talking or observing how she talks with others. Generally, pretty girls have a moody diva-like attitude. If I find she's really nice then I may approach her. I hate girls with over attitudes who are not kind, if they are like that it's even okay if they reject me. But most of the pretty girls I have met so far were terribly rude.

[Haha456]

they're rude because they're too used to being hit on by guys, especially guys below her league

[Opinion Owner]

@Haha456 wow you perhaps have that same diva mindset. It's okay to ask out someone you like, if they don't like you just reject no need to show attitude. Some people actually date each other by their compatibility, not stupid leagues.

[Haha456]

if you didn't care about leagues , you would be going for girls less attractive than you rather than more attractive than you. you care about leagues yourself. why wouldn't she care about leagues?

[Opinion Owner]

@Haha456 I go for girls who have similar interests, and hobbies as me not only based on how they look.

[tzdc21]

They always plan, period

[Asker]

But do they act on the plan?

[tzdc21]

Some do. Some don't. Really it's just approaching a girl that's intimidating instead of the girl itself. And even when you act in those plans it's not a guarantee that you'll succeed.

[Summeroflove]

It’s good sometimes to plan something out in advance

[moviedude714]

I would think a lot of men are growing tired of having to approach because there is the sad risk of making a woman feel scared and uncomfortable

[Valso]

I no longer bother approaching any woman cuz I already know what she'll say. But even when I used to, I still wouldn't approach someone who appears to be out of my league.

[DiegoO]

I don't have no clue. Sadly, my life doesn't have any space for a functional relationship. Reason, I don't even think about approaching or dating. That's out of my priorities.