Hey guys, if a guy is vulnerable with you and opens up to you with some of his personal business, and a week later, you offer to give them a hug before they go on vacay why would they react this way: they give you a respectful "distant" one shoulder hug, go quiet, put their head down, things seem to get awkward as the silence continues despite you sitting down. You then nod at them which is their cue to go. What on earth?
What's this guy playing at?
What Guys Said
Ya he's overthink on what you think of him now after he shared his thought with you, And he thinks you think he is weak and he's trying to create a distance so you don't have to
Aww... the complete opposite. I want to be close to him:)
Ya we guys are simple but we work very very differently
You do :( Do I keep at bay and wait for him to approach or be kind like smile at him from. a distance?
Nah, If i was in that place i'd love a assurance from you that it's all right between us. I think you can do it mildly, Just start with sharing your day and sharing something (Mostly Weird or off the topic) to get it all aligned and to put in his head that you are both cool
In fact, after he shared his personal info, the next time he saw me, he grunted and walked out. I kept a low profile all day and then he seemed concerned as he thought I was stressed with work. The next day he was very flirtatious & all over me. It started to feel self conscious. We didn't see each other for a week until hug day. He seemed somewhat distant from the outset, but did ask to keep in contact.
Ehh Red Flag's ringing for me.
You might want to get more signs and see what's actually happening.
Elaborate:)
He was stressed about a couple of things - deadlines, etc. So he was quiet, but talkative. He then asked to remain in contact via email. I offered the hug and you know the rest.
By what i know it seems that the first case if true (My First Reply), But i still feel there's something missing here. Does he usually talk to you and give you affection/ attention most of the time or just when you are away/ busy?
We've only met on 7 days over the 2.5 week period - I'm new. Day 1 he was being a kind helpful colleague showing me around, day 2 he went out on a home visit with me - was sharing a lot of personal info. Day 3-5, he's away, but I check to see he's all right as he went to his family practitioner. Following week, I meet him on two days as I have induction - first day, he grunts but then shows care. Next day, flirtatious all day and other team members noticing, giving me smiling glances. Rest of week no contact. Some email contact. Speak with him briefly as quite busy on day back. Next day, I come up later on in the day, he's stressed, but does have a conversation. I had given him some items I promised to share with him. He accepts, but seems to have things on his mind. He then, suggests keeping in contact via email while he's away. I agree and then offer the hug.
During other days when we were around each other, did note that he'd be staring at my behind. He also has accompanied me to meet other colleagues. Doesn't have to, but helpful. We tend to walk rather close to each other each time.
Oh also, flirty day, he voluntarily shared what he with Family Practitioner.
There was no one around at that time. Same with hug day, no one around.
Ok then, Seems quite right just caught up in things. Just communicate with the above in mind and you should be sorted
Go at his pace or?
Do you want things to go ahead or just stay where it is (As Friends)?
Go ahead.
Friends will help to build trust between us though.
Ok then, Don't go on his terms, Give him some time to get his head sorted but also at the same time don't let the communication die, That's IMP. Be open and non judgmental to his things and make that knows that you have a safe space between you both to share, No matter what and you should be golden to go ahead in the next stage
Make sure that he knows*
Don't go on his terms... make sure he knows... please elaborate:)
Make sure he knows that you are non-judgmental of his things when he shares, Also when it comes to his terms which is he trying to create a distance, Don't do that
Ahhh... I like your strategy. So, he actually wants me to come towards him. Pulling away to see if I keep contact?
Ya, More or less. Best of luck for your future and wish you all the best.
Also, Happy New Year
Happy New Year to you too... and thank you! Stellar advice.
I wrote under the pretence of work. He's online, but ignoring my correspondence. I'm still on vacay and return tomorrow
He needs time to recover from the emotional and deep truth conversation. It drains guys. Give him space and no pressure with contact.
Thank you.
You are welcomed. Good luck !!
He had opened up to some older women on the team re his thoughts on marriage, when I walked in. He sounded a little hesitant, but this also occurred when he suggested we keep in touch via work email over Christmas. That turned into two vague exchanges from him and then silence after the hug.
Yeah, sounds like this guy needs a Valentine date...