I have been talking to Cody for 2 months now.
Two weeks ago, HE asked me what we’re doing. He caught me off guard so we basically agreed that as long as we bring peace, loyalty & consistency to each other, we want to continue this. We’ve already made plans for the future. He doesn’t freak about the idea of us still being together months in advance & it makes me feel secure. But then tonight, i think i messed up.
He asked to hang out & when he was leaving I finally asked if we were going to do anything for Vday & he stopped in his tracks and was like.. no?
I guess my face looked hurt and i said no?
Cody - “I’m so confused. What are we doing?”
Again, caught me off guard
Me - “what do you want from me?”
Cody - “What is it that you want from me?”
Me - “you already know. I feel like we’re still getting to know each other but I at least want like a bear or something”
he smiled & said “Then let’s keep getting to know each other. I’ll get you something. But let’s not make it a big deal okay?”i told him of course, he kissed me bye & said he’ll try to see me Sunday. Now I’m in bed overthinking. I don’t want him to take me To take me to a fancy dinner or buy me an expensive gift.
I guess that’s what he thought I was implying but we’ve only been talking for 2 months & don’t want anything over the top. Now I’m worried he thinks I’m trying to rush the relationship, which I’m not because i DONT want to, there’s no reason to rush what we have & i love taking it slow. I’m scared he’s going to withdraw now & i don’t know if i should text him saying that I’m not expecting a grand gesture or just waiting to see if he acts any different. I don’t want him to run away bc he suddenly thinks I want more than what we just agreed on 2 weeks ago. He obviously cares about me, he makes efforts to see me no matter how busy he is. Our relationship isn’t physical, we haven’t hooked up that many times, he makes sure this isn’t only sexual and it makes me feel like I’m not just a hookup to him.
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Should I say something to him to clear things up so he doesn’t freak out or just wait it out? I really don’t want him to run away over a misunderstanding.
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I'm not going to lie. I had to roll my eyes at this. Because, first, Valentines day fucks with relationships. That, generally is what happens. Second... you're being... silly in what you want.
You are confusing him. Because you are acting in a way that literally makes no sense. It's self-contradictory.
If you want to take things "slow" and you don't want to "rush into a relationship"... and you've only made some hippy-dippy agreement to bring peace, love and loyalty (which is the vaguest quizi-romantic agreement I've ever heard of)...
Then... YOU SHOULD NOT WANT/EXPECT A BEAR OR ANYTHING.
You two specifically, particularily and explicitly agreed that you were going to take things slow, that nobody was looking to rush into a relationship... everything's... peace and love and chillin.
You obviously don't actually feel that way (even if you think you do)... because otherwise... you wouldn't be wanting/hoping/expecting that you two would do ANYTHING for Valentine's day. Valentine's day is for couples, and love. You explicitly agreed that nobody was about that RIGHT NOW.
So, yea, no shit you confused him.
It's completely incongruent with this super-casual, taking it slow and making zero actual commitments to each other.
It's the action of a girl who wants more. Unarguably. That's why it "caught him off guard". Because you have been super-clear that you are NOT (at least not at this time) his... ANYTHING!
I'm gonna agree with you, that this was a situation of you fucking up.
BUT
I don't know if you're on the right tract with trying to keep from scaring him off. Sounds more like you need to have a conversation about what you actually want. Because if you want him to spend valentines day with you, he is more to you than you are pretending.
That being said, you probably didn't scare him off. What you said was as crystal clear to him, as it was to me. But you probably didn't scare him off.
You're not the first girl to do this. But I'm sorry... it makes no sense. Your words are incongruent with your actions/(expectations).
If you're worried about it, then IN PERSON... you can totally try and say all of this to him. "I hope I didn't scare you off, blah, blah blah." That really is your best bet. But only if he's acting weird or something. Otherwise. Let it go, and don't worry too much about it.