Have I Freaked Him Out For Good?

[Anonymous]

Background is kind of a long story so I'll try and shorten it down, me and the guy went out 3ish years ago, he was my first everything as I was a late starter, 18 when we dated and he was 22 at the time so obviously I wasn't his first anything as he's quite experienced. Only dated a couple of months but always stayed friends apart from the time I was dating my second boyfriend, my emotionally abusive ex who was insanely jealous of the first guy.

So yeah me and the guy have always been friends with benefits when we were both single, he's been single ever since we broke up and he broke up with me, and recently now that I've moved closer to him due to university and got a new job and have generally been more confident, happier and outgoing, we've gotten a lot closer, see each other a couple of times a week to go cinema, as we both love films.

Problem is, everything's been going great, and kinda heading in the direction I want, which is for us to eventually get back together, however he knows everything about me including all my flaws and weakness. Pretty much every bad situation I've been through as he was big help when I was dealing the with aftermath of my horrible ex and problems with my family.

So today was a bad day, as I've had a lot of stress with uni and work, not helped by my insomnia. So finished work and headed to the cinema to meet him at 2, he text to say sorry he only just noticed the time and he'd be a little bit late, he ended up being an hour later and we had to pay the extra on top of are passes for the 3d showing.

So long story short I was upset, but didn't properly show it, so after he went home I text him to say forget about the film tomorrow I'll go by myself at the weekend. Managed to not cry until I got into my flat after which I sent a text saying I was upset and explaining why and tried to call him. Later sent a Facebook message apologizing for being weird and re-arranging for tomorrow. Then unfortunately insomnia hit again and not getting any sleep tonight so text him joking about this and asking him to lend me a DVD he mentioned.

Obviously no reply from anything, which could easily be he's fallen asleep or his phones broke as it keeps getting sim card errors. But would you be freaked out if a girl was over emotionally, after you have said previously you can talk to me about anything and wanted to know emotional details. Would you rather they just kept it in or is it okay to spill your guts every now and again?

Sorry for the long post and it might not all make sense as I was trying to keep it brief but of course we do have a lot of history.

[JackWSmith]

British people might be different, but I would be concerned. He was late, but he apologized, and you sat through a movie together. He thought that you were both enjoying the movie, but you were pissed off the whole time, sitting there stewing in the dark and becoming more and more annoyed. The weird emotional outburst might not cause me to lose all interest, but it would be a red flag. People mess up and relationships can't work if people aren't willing to shrug off the small stuff. People are going to be late. People are going to be unreasonable. You have to forgive these things and keep moving. Call him tomorrow afternoon, and apologize (that's right, babydoll, with a z) but don't throw up all over him. Just say that you are sorry you were so weird.

I would be very careful in the future. Do not text emotionally important messages. You probably wouldn't have done this to his face or over the phone. The cancellation comes across as childish pouting. I think you can probably fix this, but if I were him, I wouldn't put up with a whole lot of this.

[TamLin]

I'm going to be honest, I'm having trouble following this entire anecdote. However, it sounds to me like you're probably freaking out over nothing. Usually when you get hung-up on a little thing it turns out the other person thought little or nothing of it at all. But the more you obsess and the bigger a deal you make, the more likely you are to create a problem where there might not be one to begin with.

In any case, the only thing to do is wait and see how he reacts next time you see him. Resist the urge to call or text him further, as it will probably just exacerbate the situation. Give him space and try to decompress; remember that he's not going to just up and vanish and if you exercise patience then the answers you want will shortly come to you.

In the future, it's probably best when you're upset to just say so in the moment and be honest about the full reason why. Situations like this come up because you leave space for ambiguity. If everyone has a clear idea of where they stand then misunderstandings are a lot less likely.