Why would a guy avoid me now that he has a gf… nothing happened?

[Anonymous]

He seemed to show slight attraction / small flintiness but nothing major or inappropriate … we don’t have each others number. We just see eachother around

I've also never gave him a hint that I was interested or anything

but why avoid? ESP if nothing ever happened

[SteveSmith1985]

Easy. Because he did/does like you, and is well-aware of it. Probably he still likes you. So now that he has a girlfriend, he feels guilty/weird around you, because he knows he SHOULDN'T feel anything but friendship towards you.

Whatever he feels it's "more complex" than that. But it's based on feeling guilty for feeling the way he does about you while he's now got someone he's agreed to commit to exclusively. It's an internal moral dilemma for him.

It doesn't matter that nothing happened. In fact it would be easier if something HAD happened. Right now, whatever may have ended up happening between you two is "unresolved" and unclear. The original tension of both of you knowing something was there, but never actually having anything happen hasn't gone anywhere. Now that he's in a relationship, that tension is inappropriate. So he feels weird, so he's acting weird around you.

This is very normal, common, and is almost certain to resolve itself with a bit of time. If not, then it's ok to say something eventually. Something like "hey , you know we can still be friends, even after our hot-and-heavy almost-love-affair. Can you just stop being weird?" Make a "joking-not-joking" reference to the awkwardness if this doesn't resolve itself in, at most, a couple weeks. (assuming you two had some sort of friendship prior to..."nothing happening" between you two)

So... this is normal, and really does make sense. (even if I've done a sub-par job of explaining it.) 🙂

[Asker]

Maybe I misread

We were not friends or anything

[Asker]

Maybe it wasn’t much there

[SteveSmith1985]

Oh you didn't misread anything. There was something there. That's the only reason it's different now that he has a girlfriend. I was imagining someone you were friends with before. But it changes basically nothing. Just instead of "going back to being friends" in time. You go back to being whatever you were before you started getting closer.

But you didn't misread anything. This is a very clear and common situation. No mystery here. (unless I'm missing something significant about this entire thing)

[Asker]

No but it did seem to me like it was just some friendly mild attraction

Maybe it was nothing. My friend said I was too ugly for him lol

[SteveSmith1985]

No. You're just obstanantly refusing to acknowledge the truth here. My explanation makes sense. It's common. It happens... regularily. It's a well understood thing. I've had the experience myself, personally, more than once.

You're explanation is based on nothing but insecurity. You're still playing the "gosh... he couldn't have liked ME" game. The situation is way beyond that. If you want an actual understanding of what happend, your going to have to admit to yourself that he did like you.

If he did like you, then this whole situation makes perfect sense. There's nothing left to figure out.

If he didn't like you... then none of this makes sense. There's everything left to figure out.

Which one do you suppose is more likely?

[Asker]

I mean some say he has flirty energy and I think he’s flirted with someone I know so I don't know.

Maybe he just likes attention … if a guy really liked me he wouldn’t do what he did lol… they were actively dating but not official.

[SteveSmith1985]

How do you figure that if a guy really liked you he wouldn't do what he did? I'm genuinely curious. I've never seen someone be so unwilling to accept... the very obvious explanation. I can't be the only person who reads this situation this way.

So how, do you think he would act in this situation if he liked you. He liked the other girl too (obviously). He liked her more than you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't also like you too (is that maybe... where you're getting thrown off... possibly?).

But I would love to hear your thinking on this. Unless you're sick and tired of talking to me about this. Which I totally can appreciate.

[Asker]

They both blocked me on instagram

[WaterIsland]

Sounds like his girlfriend is overly jealous. Which doesn’t sound like the healthiest start to a relationship.


Doesn’t sound like there is much you can do other than forget about it and move on.

[Asker]

But how do you pick that up?

Never seen the girl and because I don’t know her nor have I seen her. He couldn’t have mentioned me bc I’m practically a ghost

Never had his number
No real conversation
No wink
… nothing.

[WaterIsland]

Mainly because that’s the only reasonable explanation. I mean what else could it be?

[Anemone978]

Maybe he liked you a little bit but because he got a girlfriend he thought it would be best to stay away from you... or if now he has a girlfriend he has no reason to even talk to you so he just completely moved on.

[Asker]

I remember the day before I was dressed down. I never really dress up. One day I did dress up bc it was a special day for me. It was a appropriate sundress

The day I wore it he seemed to avoid me and act strange.. I felt like it was rejection

[spartan55]

I knew it was you.

[SnowedIn]

He may be one of the men who doesn't want a friend of the opposite sex when they have a girlfriend.

[Asker]

He actually has many but we were never friends lol

[Guy13]

Girlfriend said stay away from the hoe if you want me in your life.

[rabbitzzz]

Bet his girlfriend has at least 10 male 'friends' tho.

[Asker]

I’m not a hoe and nothing happened

[spartan55]

Doesn't matter if you did anything with him or not. You are a risk to his relationship.

[Asker]

How? Absolutely nothing happened

[spartan55]

THAT DOESN'T MATTER... I don't know how you don't understand this.

[spartan55]

So because nothing happened before means nothing ever will?

[Asker]

I never kissed him
Never had a whole conversation
No number exchange
No wink
NOTHING

So how am I a threat?

[spartan55]

So, why does this even matter to you since there's a whole lotta nothing with this guy?

[Asker]

Because there’s no reason to him to avoid and I don’t understand why.

[spartan55]

You don't know that he doesn't have a reason. What kind of remark is that? You KNOW what he thinks? Just drop it and move on.

[spartan55]

Do you think maybe his girlfriend told him to stay away? Would that be possible?

[Asker]

They really weren’t even official yet and bc WE don’t even talk I’m sure she knows nothing about me

He would be talking to her about a ghost.

[spartan55]

Wow, you just don't get it. Like I said, drop it. You don't care about him anyway.

[Asker]

It’s not about caring or not caring. I just don’t get why you have to avoid someone you never had a real communication with.

I can see why he kind of avoids me if we were talking..

[Asker]

That’s the point I’m making. I really don’t understand

[spartan55]

So don't understand it. You think you're entitled to an explanation for everything? Not always, that's life.

[Asker]

No I was literally just asking for opinions

[spartan55]

I understand. But this is a situation where only he knows why.

[Asker]

I get what you’re saying to… but seriously what does it mean? I’m left in the dark

[spartan55]

I think it came from the girlfriend.

[Asker]

How? Can you explain

[spartan55]

What do you mean how? She found out about you somehow and told him to stay away from you. I'll remind you again, this is about a guy you couldn't care less about.
This is all about your ego now.

[Asker]

No she didn’t

It’s absolutely nothing like that. We barely know eachother. So that doesn’t make sense.

[spartan55]

What do you mean no she didn't? Why not? You know this how? The fact that you barely knew each other is irrelevant... are you really 25 years old?

[Asker]

Okay, so you really think he talked about me to her? I just don’t think it makes any sense.. I’m sure he can avoid me on his own without her influence..

I don’t think he’s ever mentioned me bc 1. She doesn’t know me.. I barely know him..

2. We work in the same building but I barely see him

there's just no reason for him to tell his girlfriend anything about me. I found out he was dating through a friend.

[spartan55]

Okay, think what you want. Your reasons are really odd. Why does she have to know you? Why wouldn't he talk about you? It makes complete sense, and it's really weird that you are so dismissive about it. Whatever, you don't even care about the guy anyway, which makes your reaction even more odd.

[spartan55]

And wow, looks like I'm not the only who thinks it's the girlfriend. Hmmmm.

[Asker]

I’m asking how would she know about me?

[spartan55]

Anyone could have told her about you. No one you know could cross paths with anyone she knows?

[spartan55]

Or he simply mentioned you in passing or something and she took off on it.

[spartan55]

I have a question. How is he 'avoiding' you when you said typically you barely see him anyway? That doesn't make sense.

[Asker]

No he’s not like openly flirty.. like he’s said borderline flirty tone but it wasn’t like nothing that anyone has seen. He’s never complimented me or anything.

I just know that he always looks and smiles. Says hi how are you.. he’s always looking.

But he just doesn’t really look or anything. His energy changed a bit. Not around me much

[spartan55]

Doesn't sound like much difference from the usual. Energy? He's always looking? Come on, really? You barely see him, remember? You hardly know him, remember? None of this really makes sense, and is sounding more and more like it's all in your head. You obviously like him or you wouldn't have posted this and you wouldn't know all these meaningless details about him. Girls don't do that with guys they aren't interested in.

[spartan55]

So all this guy has done is say hello to you?

[Asker]

It’s whatever. It’s not in my head

[spartan55]

Well then you aren't communicating very well then because all I have is: you barely see him or talk to him but for some reason you are so bothered by this. You say he is 'avoiding' you, yet you claim you barely see him so I don't know how you are drawing that conclusion.

[spartan55]

I'll ask this again. How is he avoiding you if you barely see him anyway?

[spartan55]

Who is the friend that told you about the girlfriend?

[Asker]

It was through social media

[spartan55]

What was through social media?

[Asker]

I saw the girl had tagged him. He wasn’t really posting her but she was posting him a lot

They were not official yet.

[Asker]

But whatever. Maybe it’s all in my head. I’ll leave it alone

[spartan55]

So will you at least admit that you like him?

[Asker]

I don’t really know him. He is attractive but he’s not someone I particularly paid attention too. I only started noticing him after I felt like he was showing mild attraction

He does have a charismatic personality it seems. I could have misread

[spartan55]

You still haven't explained why you think he is avoiding you when you barely see him anyway. You keep ducking that question which pretty tells me what I need to know.

[Asker]

I see him maybe 3 times a week for like 2 1/2 hours. He’s a professor

[spartan55]

I think I know who this is... ugh...

[spartan55]

So how is 2 1/2 hours a week 'barely seeing him'? How is he avoiding you?

[Asker]

Who this is? This is my first post

I told you that he acted a bit different. More stand offish than normal. Less eye contact, not really trying to be around me … I mean it wasn’t hard to tell

[spartan55]

So you are in one of his classes or?

[spartan55]

None of this makes any sense.

[Asker]

I was but not anymore

I dropped. But I saw him around still

[spartan55]

So, what are you doing now?

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[spartan55]

Are you in school? Graduated? Have a job?

[HighValue]

He was probably interested in you and wants to avoid any temptation.

[Asker]

Well that’s not a man I want

[ThomasDavid1989]

He knows girls and guys can't be "just friends"

[Asker]

We were never friends

[ThomasDavid1989]

That's my points

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆

[Asker]

What?