So I have this professor that constantly stares at me in class. It has gotten to the point were other students have noticed it, and keep looking at me as a result. I tried to move my seat, to see if he was just using me as a "focus point," but his eyes have followed me to my new seat. Mind you, this new seat was behind another student, and obstructed his eye line towards me -- still -- he persisted and even moved at one point to look at me. Furthermore, even when I have my head down, taking lecture notes, he'll be staring at me when I look up. When he asks us personal questions (i. e., 'what are you guys doing over break?') he directs his attention immediately towards me. He's married and a lot older than me, so I don't want to believe that he's into me or something. Still, it's gotten to the point where I cannot help but be concerned. I am a very good student, so maybe that's why? He always compliments my work ethic and tries to talk to me about my interests. Also, he's always smiling at and joking with me, so I'm assuming that he AT LEAST likes me as a student and is comfortable with me. Also, I've had this professor a year ago, and he would do the same thing: staring at me during tests and staring at me without saying 'hi' when he'd pass me on campus. I think it's safe to say that he treats me differently than other students. It's one of those things that you try not to take a lot of notice of, but it happens so often that you cannot help it.
Overall, I don't think I am overthinking this, but I want to have a second opinion before I try to talk with him about the matter. I don't have many people to 'openly' discuss this with, so I wanted to ask you guys what you think. I appreciate the help!
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I had a friend in college who's Professor was attracted to them. She felt the exact same things you did. She saw the stares and the extra attention. There was one time where he was in his office hours a her and tried some inappropriate shit, thinking she was one of those girls who would do anything for the grade. You never know what the case could be with your professor, I highly suggest to observe his behavior until the end of the semester.
Thank you for the response! I really hope he doesn't try anything, because I would really lose my respect for him as a professor. Do you think I should bother mentioning it to him, or just wait till the end of the semester?
Wait until the end of the semester. That way you'll avoid awkwardness throughout the semester.
This is a very good question but I don't have the time right at the moment to properly answer it.
However, I can give you some insight and perspective because I used to lecture in college so I both understand your perspective and his. I promise to come back to this question. However, you can PM me and remind me if I forget.
Thank you for the response! Would you be able to provide any insight, now?
LOL... unfortunately, not really. It has to be later. It is 6 PM here (central standard time) and my wife wants to go out to dinner soon.
However, much of what you said is spot on, but I clarify something...
You wrote: "He's married and a lot older than me, so I don't want to believe that he's into me or something."
The fact is that you are attractive to heterosexual men - all of us - me included. So, as far as "into you" or something, there's that basic heterosexual male urge. His marriage is irrelevant regarding that urge. However, how he acts is important.
I will tell you how I dealt with it - and when my female students seemed into me - later.
OK, let's see what I can do for you...
I first was a teaching assistant in Fall 1986 for a class called Mechanics I, a sophomore-level engineering class. I was quickly good at it. The professor for whom I was a TA had taught at my college since before I was born and he told me that I was the best TA that he ever had. He requested me for his Spring 1987 class, "Introduction to Automatic Control" which was my forté at that point. That was the first time that class was taught. One year later, in Spring 1988, I was officially a PhD student and I was again the TA for that class, but the professor, who specialized in Control Engineering, was my advisor and he was only 4 years older than me. This had become a large class; I probably had about 60 or 70 kids in it. I had a lot of office hours AND I attended all the lectures, so I knew the kids pretty well - I was 25 and they were juniors or seniors (this was primarily a senior-level class).
Well, that semester, I had a lot of office hours and the kids would show up. My office was on the 8th floor of a 9-floor building, the newest building on campus. It was a cool office. I often got more girls showing up than guys. I didn't realize it at the time but a lot of women have a fetish for authority / daddy figures like teachers.
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OK, well, my advisor got mononucleosis so he stopped teaching the class for about 2 months. Normally, the department might have had another professor fill in. However, I knew the stuff well and had high ratings from students in previous classes, so let me teach it.
So, here I am giving 1-hour lectures 3 times/week I think (maybe it was twice, 1.5 hrs each; it was a 3 credit hour class). I am in a large room with several dozen kids.
I had gotten over my fear of public speaking about 6 months earlier having taught review sessions of this class the previous semester.
Now, the act of teaching can be somewhat daunting because you have to keep your shit together.
Part of how I got over my fear of public speaking in those reviews was two-fold.
1. It dawned on my that I knew more than these kids so I didn't have to fear them attacking me in some way; I could handle anything they threw at me.
2. One way to give yourself a break is to just throw out a question into the class and then you just talk it out. I quickly came to realize that I was practicing control! By asking questions, I was assessing how well they were getting and, at the same time, assessing my own teaching. In my 40s or 50s, I accidentally learned that what I was doing was "The Socratic Method" of teaching.
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OK, I wanted to give you all that so you'd understand the context I was in before I got more to your questions...
Now, keep in mind these facts:
1. I was a 25-year old heterosexual male. While I was no prize in the looks department (I am short), I wasn't ugly either.
2. My nerdy STEM school was a sausage party. About 9 guys to every girl and many girls weren't very attractive, but, my 1988, that was definitely changing.
3. I hadn''t been laid since November 1986 when my ex-GF and I, both mutual virgins before, split up.
So, in other words, I was a normal but hard-up guy teaching a class that definitely had a few attractive women in it...
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* About 9 guys to every 2 girls...
When I was in the act of teaching Auto Control in Spring 1988, I had to pick about a half dozen kids to focus my attention on. I KNEW that if I concentrated on one pretty girl, that would not be good and would be detected... in other words, there might be a girl like you in the audience and I couldn't afford to get into any trouble.
I did know a good number of these kids already from grading their papers and office hours and simply talking to them after class when I sat in the class too. And since we were relatively close in age, you can become a bit friendly.
So, for me, I was able to just focus on various kids that I knew better - this included both guys and girls.
But, in a way, I was lucky because I knew many of them before I started lecturing to them and it also made it easier to relate to me because they knew me already.
Teaching a class cold where you don't know any students right away is the normal situation - especially for the underclassmen (freshman, sophomore) classes which can have hundreds of kids in them.
But, it is human nature when you are up there to pick out a face or two to talk to because that's how people normally speak: 1-on-1 or as part of a small group of friends or relatives. So, when teaching a larger group, you have to subconsciously create a small group of "friends" in the class and they are your "focus points" when you teach.
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Now, when you're a teacher and one of those focal students is an attractive person of the opposite sex, that student may, rightfully, perceive that the teacher considers that him/herself as special a bit. And, that's so, as I mentioned because teachers create that artificial group of focal students when teaching.
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OK, about your situation, you mentioned this which is the real meat in all of this:
" I am a very good student, so maybe that's why? He always compliments my work ethic and tries to talk to me about my interests. Also, he's always smiling at and joking with me, so I'm assuming that he AT LEAST likes me as a student and is comfortable with me. "
Many teachers do form limited friendships with students because, subconsciously, it lowers the teacher's stress (it's nice to have friends in the audience when teaching) but also lowers the student's stress which makes them learn and perform better.
We teachers learn quickly who the good and serious students are - the ones who are there to learn and not just show up. These are often the ones who become focal points and one reason for that, again subconsciously, is a good student (who has become a focus) is a barometer for how well the teaching is coming across; if the good kids aren't getting it, then the bad kids aren't either and you have to try something else on the fly...
But, also, every teacher instinctively feels like a parent or older sibling of the students. So, we take an interest in the good students - the ones who may become successful. So we might ask how they are, what their interests are, etc., because we may be able to offer unsolicited advice - in other words, teach the student other things besides what's in that specific class.
In all honesty, it's a major reason why I come here. I never really have any genuine questions; I just want to help young folks. I miss teaching and the college stopped me from doing it which was a waste.
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Back to you, you also mentioned other professors have acted like this. Well, it may be similar, but it is possible that you "stand out from the crowd" of other female students. Certainly, if you are beautiful, and we ARE (mostly straight) men so we are not immune to Nature.
That said, you likely would have experienced something like this in high school too. If you haven't in high school, but you are now, then it is likely what I have been discussing all along - what it's like to teach in college. However, if you were getting this kind of attention also in high school from male teachers, then you likely are a very attractive young lady and this sort of thing will be happening for another 30 years.
Any questions?
You can always PM me for "office hours" if you want.
This is totally tangential, but I wanted to mention a couple of things that have nothing to do with your question.
1. At my college, that was the last class in which I was a TA. This is because they made me into a research assistant - an "RA". I was not a good RA at all but I was a natural TA. In some ways, that was my calling. But, they couldn't let me be a TA my whole graduate school career. "TAs are new grad students." What a waste... especially when they kids are paying all this money for tuition! The next TA for that class was a decent guy named Ted, but I hate how tough a grader he was. It was like he had no sympathy for the arcane mathematics required for this class. So, I busted his ass one day in my office in front of the other guys and, in front of the white board, I said "Ted, draw me the root locus for 1/s^5." His mind was blown and he couldn't do it. Why? Because he didn't know his shit well enough yet, if I taught the class again, the kids would know how to do that. What a fucking waste that they made me a TA. I could've been the greatest TA in their, at that point, 165-year history.
2. After the end of the Spring 1988 semester, my advisor told me what our ratings were. He had good ratings. Mine were better. He wasn't angry about it, but he was not pleased either. He didn't have tenure yet. I felt a little bad about it, but celebrated inside because I knew I was good and now I had two data points telling me that; this survey and that earlier professor telling me I was the best TA he ever had that he kept me for the next class.
He stares at you cuz he finds you attractive duh