Would a guy be around on and off for 4 years if there weren’t any feelings?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy 4 years ago and we have been on and off ever since. We both have been in separate relationships at times as well but we always seem to be in each others lives. I don’t know how to feel about it or what to think. We’ve never been exclusive but I’ve expressed how I feel and he has told me he loves me recently after I asked him during a minor argument. I really don’t know what to do or say to him. I really need help and advice!

[SueShe]

On and off in a period of 4 years simply means that you (and him) were substitutes at best and that does not really qualify as real love but infatuation at best.

You are not exclusive and my feeling is that it will stay like that for a while. If you are indeed in the age group 45+, it simply means that he sees you as a person that is just good enough to release some "tension" and nothing more.

I don't know what your expectations are but his are certainly not to be with you for the rest of his life. Furthermore, he is now right in the middle of his mid-life crisis and will do just about anything to get a little intimacy.

He is now too old to be seriously contemplating getting in a serious relationship because at that age, it becomes increasingly difficult to adjust to someone else in life and to have to adapt the (bad) habits that formed over the years.

What you should do? You are the only one that knows that person but I personally would not expect too much from this on and off relationship. Good luck.

[melanieeeB]

I don't think so. If he is on and off for 4 years he does like you or at least what you're giving him and he probably doesn't wanna lose the sex he gets from you probably easier than with someone he just meets BUT I learned one major thing, if a man truly cares and loves you, he will make it exclusive. He will make you his girlfriend. On off is nothing special or a proof of love.

[Asker]

What if we both couldn’t make it exclusive because of circumstances at that time?

[melanieeeB]

Does he wanna make it exclusive or are you just assuming it cause he once again just said something cute? Some dudes be playing good and know exactly what to say to keep you warm

[Asker]

No we both have not been able to do it. It’s not been ideal for either of us for different circumstances. I just feel like 4 years is a long time to play someone just for sex tho.

[melanieeeB]

Well for him it's 4 years of having sex whenever he wants to, he doesn't have to be sexless.
He doesn't love you.

[Avicenna]

Probably not, but that's usually a sign that someone doesn't know what he wants or how to achieve it

[Asker]

What should I say to him or do in your opinion to get him to realise what he wants or not? I don’t want to push the issue and chase him!

[spartan55]

Feelings of wanting to have sex with you with no strings. Yeah he has those feelings.

[Nikki1989]

It depends. Some guys will linger around just for the sex.

[spartan55]

More than some.

[Kyr0s]

Has this relationship been sexual or?

[Asker]

Yes and no…

[Kyr0s]

What does that mean?

[Asker]

Not always, we have spent lots of time (2 years in between) just being friends and talking without any sexual encounters at all.

[Kyr0s]

He probably still wanted to smash.