When guy says ” you’ll find more compatible guy” while breaking it off. Is he insecure or does the think he’s not enough for me?

[Anonymous]

Why would he say that?

[slatyb]

It doesn't mean anything. Ignore anything you are told by someone dumping you. They will say anything to get you to go away quietly.

[spartan55]

He said it because your future goals didn't align and he wasn't interested.

[Asker]

Because of plans not aligning?

[Asker]

?:))

[spartan55]

Why are you acting like you don't know what I'm talking about?

[Asker]

Are you saying my life plans made him uninterested in me?

[spartan55]

That's the reason he gave, correct m

[spartan55]

I mean, how many times do you want to go in circles here?

[Asker]

He that’s what he gave but from guy’s perspective wouldn’t he still keep see me if he was physically attracted to me?

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s saying your levels of crazy are not helping him but there are other guys who can put up with you. In so many words.

[Asker]

What? i’m not crazy

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m just translating what he means. He broke up with you so guess signals got crossed if you aren’t

[Asker]

He said that after our first date. Before that we were talking daily for 2 months. During our date we did talk about our life plans. After that he said they don’t align. I don't know does he think he can’t give me what I want?

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s more information. Had you met irl before your first date and what were the life plans discussed?

[Asker]

We met online.

[Asker]

During the date we were talking about what we wanted in the future. I told him like after 10 years I would’ve wanted to move with him and possibly if we have kids then with our kids to another country…
I also talked about how I would like to get better job in the future and study more. did I make the impression that I don’t want to have kids in the near future? I think he wanted kids soon and said he wants big family

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh then what he means by compatible is he wasn’t as physically attracted to you as he expected to be. He thinks it’s a more indirect way of saying that.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes if you put a time frame of him having to wait 10 years to have kids that’s a major investment of time when he only had met you 2 months ago online. Why delay so long?

[Asker]

No obviously I would have kids sooner than that

[Asker]

Do you think it really was about our life plans or he wasn’t physically attracted to me?

[Asker]

He said the reason he doesn’t want to continue is because of our different life goals…

[BarryLiverstone]

The combo but I will lean more towards he wasn’t attracted to how you look irl. If he was then he probably would have planned more dates right?

[Asker]

But what if our life goals was really different? Like about me wanting to move abroad in like 10 years..

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way my logic is you mentioned talking for 2 months prior to meeting irl. So had it only been about life goals he would have rejected you prior to meeting. The only thing he had to go on when meeting you irl is that he didn’t feel an attraction on a physical / sexual level.

[BarryLiverstone]

A goal is flexible and not in stone. No one can predict the future so while you may have that goal it’s 10 years away and if he fell in love with you anything is possible

[Asker]

We didn’t talk about life goals while we were chatting though. Only life goal we talked about prior meeting was that we both wanted several kids

[BarryLiverstone]

As you are aware I don’t have all the details so can only answer based on the info you are providing me. Feel free to communicate more to the story and I’ll try to help. Can add here or message me directly. I can’t know his life goals but they also would be flexible. Was there discussion of a 2nd date?

[Asker]

Yeah but you can’t fall in love after just one date

[Asker]

Prior to first date he was planning more activities like us going on a walk but after the first date everything changed. He said because our goals are not aligned we should’nt continue to date. He said it was ”very” nice to get to know me and talk to me. He also said I have a goodheart and a ”very” nice person.

[BarryLiverstone]

More examples of him trying to let you down easy as he doesn’t want to come off as an asshole. There is a small chance it’s because of the goals but still if he’s into online dating and met you if he was physically attracted don’t you think he would see you again?

[Asker]

I don't know I was scared that it was about attraction :/ but maybe he didn’t see point to continue if want different things. He wanted like 5 kids. Mind you I’m in late 20’s. I told him I wanted to study more in the future and work. Maybe he got the wrong idea that I don’t really want many kids. During the date he asked would I work if we had kids. I said when they’re little I wouldn’t but when they’re more grown yes..

[BarryLiverstone]

Your gag profile says you are over 30, but you just said you are in your 20s. Did you mention age because in order to have 5 kids you probably need like 7 years or more of childbearing time? Like you think if he wants 5 kids he wants someone younger? Because again that logic could be found the first week you talked as he would find out your age

[Asker]

He already knew my age. I’m 28

[BarryLiverstone]

You can still give birth to 5 kids. Women in their 40s are having children so it’s not your age that caused him to reject you

[Asker]

Yeah it wasn’t my age but I was thinking when I said want to study more (like do my masters). Maybe he thought how I have time to birth kids and study at the same time…?

[BarryLiverstone]

I have no idea what you look like and what he looks like but physical attraction still seems like the most logical reason he rejected you. I understand you are overthinking and trying to go over all the details to see if there is another reason. But you said it was a fear that you are not attractive to him so can you settle on that conclusion and if you feel motivated plan ways to improve your appearance? Also were you attracted to him and did you desire him sexually when you saw him irl?

[Asker]

I thought he looked good. Before we met he sent me a selfie and I said he looked good.

[Asker]

Why not just say he’s not attracted to me? Why lie?

[BarryLiverstone]

He never lied. So far based on what you told me he hasn’t been blunt but also hasn’t lied. Also like I said before he is trying to not hurt your feelings

[Asker]

Why are you sure it was because of my physical appearance?

[BarryLiverstone]

As a guy I know where desire starts and it’s with our eyes. Certainly it builds in other ways as we get to know someone but physical appearance is baseline to dating. Because he had met you irl one time and decided not to keep meeting then that’s my guess. I mean it could also be other things like lack of hygiene or something off about you but I’m assuming you are healthy and take care of yourself

[Asker]

Are you saying even with our different goals he would’ve kept seeing with me?

[BarryLiverstone]

Probably. He hasn’t met someone else who wants to have 5 kids with he has he? He could have seen more of you even if he wanted sex or to have a companion to be social with.

[Asker]

We are muslims we date to get married. So that means no sex before marriage

[Asker]

In our our culture many people want to have big families

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m not clear on the rules, sorry about that. Are you allowed to kiss before marriage? It’s common here in Florida to kiss someone on a date to show desire and attraction.

[Asker]

Tbh our religion doesn’t allow any physical contact with the opposite sex. Many do kiss though at some point even if they’re muslims but not on the first sate

[Asker]

First date*

[BarryLiverstone]

Such different cultures. So you could be dating someone for 2 years and never even hug? I guess in that case his desire is less of a concern as he would be more trying to see if you would be compatible to him as a wife and mom. Still hard to see why he would reject you after one date if it’s not about a feeling he got seeing you irl.

[Asker]

Well muslims usually get married within one year so they can have sex. But they do hug though

[BarryLiverstone]

I guess if you want to know for sure then follow up with him, thank him for his time and ask if there was something he felt you could improve on to be more attractive to other guys.

[Asker]

Why would I do that..

[Asker]

You seem such a douche. Because other people have said that he probably is telling the truth about the life goals and itynot about my looks

[BarryLiverstone]

You asked the question to know why he said what he said. If you didn’t want to know then there is no question. Also asking for feedback after a first date helps you with future dates in case something obv he can point out

[BarryLiverstone]

And there it is.. you are labeling me a douche (aka an asshole) because I am suggesting it has something to do with how you look. My blunt honestly isn’t being indirect as he was. Thank you for letting me know

[Asker]

He seems honest person who wouldn’t lie to me…

[Asker]

And you’re implying he wasn’t telling the truth

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes I’m implying he’s not being totally honest. I’m also aware you have invested 2 months into talking to him so you have an emotional attachment. So i get why you believe he’s being truthful. Also as I said before he didn’t lie.. just used careful words

[Anonymous]

It doesn't mean he's insecure. He's just saying that the two of you aren't compatible. You aren't right for each other.

[Asker]

He said that after our first date. Before that we were talking daily for 2 months. During our date we did talk about our life plans. After that he said they don’t align. I don't know does he think he can’t give me what I want? Or he was letting me down easily?