Have you noticed that the most guys that ask you out outside in person tend to be quite popular with women?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I’ve noticed that the most guys who approach me outside, randomly tend to be quite confident and popular among girls. Is that because they are more courageous and assertive?

Updates

+1 y

They also tend to be quite successful generally, which seems to add up to their confidence.

[dynamicyandere]

That makes sense. It’s easy to hide your nerves behind a screen. But in person, all your body language, your communication, your sub-communication, and the way you carry yourself is on full display.


A guy needs to have a good reign of all that (or at least be damn good at pretending) in order to pull all that off when they’re approaching a girl in person.


Which leaves only 2 scenarios:


1. They are genuinely very confident.
2. They are very good at pretending to be confident.


Both of which takes time to develop.


(Which is why I facepalm at pick up artists who literally spend years learning how to pretend to be someone they’re not, instead of spending years developing themselves to become genuinely more attractive, without pretending.)

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep, I was just thinking this today and every time I was approached in person, the guy turned out to be very popular among girls for one of these three reasons

1. He is very handsome
2. He is very successful
3. Both

I was wondering why I attract certain type of men, then I realized it’s probably that most girls also get approached by the same type of guys because they just tend to be more confident to approach in person, because seems like abundance of female attention makes them confident to try approaching.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My ex also approached me in a restaurant, what attracted my interest was that he was nervous but he seemed very assertive regardless.

He later on told me he was very nervous to approach but felt like he would lose a lifetime chance if he didn’t.

I remember I told him, I am so happy you were brave enough to approach.

Later on, I found out, he was confident because in truth, he was very popular among girls and I was the only girl he had to chase, other ones chased him.

He said he was surprised I didn’t realize how handsome he was at first, I really didn’t realize at that time, because I was new to China and I know sounds bad, but to be honest all Chinese people looked similar in my eyes, I remember I recognized him with his shoulders for the first two months. 🤣

Of course it changed. And I now will never miss one chinese with another, as all of them are so individualistic and different.

[dynamicyandere]

That’s right about the female attention. If they have a lot of it, it would boost her confidence even further. Making it easier for them to approach.

As for your ex, it sounds like you naturally were harder to get. Which made you stand out to him. A lot of girls “play” hard to get but actually are not. You genuinely were hard to get because you weren’t as easily impressed as the other girls around him. You genuinely needed to see something more than looks to feel impressed. Then you saw his courage and his perseverance, that’s what helped you reconsider him. Only after you began liking his character did you truly begin to appreciate his looks. ✨

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep, as always you are right. I didn’t start noticing his good looks until after I got impressed with his personality and yep, I was very hard to get, he hasn’t kissed me for 3 months of dating and 3 months later when he kissed my cheek, he made a post of social media, saying he was the happiest man in the world hehe

I think maybe in the end, our relationship died out because I turned very sweet to him and he saw it as excessive attention, which he never liked, as he liked me in the beginning because I never gave him enough attention and he always had to work hard for it.
So when I started giving him attention out of love and he didn’t have to work hard for it anymore, his desire to win me over faded.

I guess no matter how close you are, you should always make your partner think that if they stop trying they’ll lose you, you should never show how much you love him, as too much love can kill relationship the same way the lack of it can do.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That felt like a winning lottery because I didn’t really realize he was that good looking in the beginning, I grew very fond of his personality and then slowly I realized why everyone was having crush on him, I realized that “wow, I think I just have a sexiest man by my side.”

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Then at some point when I went back to my home in Georgia, when I had arguments with my family, they would often say - I have no idea, how he fell in love with you, you are so spoiled, so stubborn, you should change this, you should change that to be worthy of his love, at some point I started thinking that maybe I indeed acted cold to him and I must have been my better self to deserve his love. That was a mistake!!! He loved me when I was stubborn, when I was spoiled, when I was careless and even a bit cold-hearted. I mustn’t have tried to improve myself or think I was unworthy of his love, it only ruined my relationship.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I must have stayed who I was, even if I wasn’t that good, that was me - genuinely and he loved my bad self.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My brother sometimes said, If I had a girlfriend who was like this and point out about my bad habit, I wouldn’t stay with her for even a day.

But I must have remembered, my brother is different, I was different and my relationship was different, my bad habits seemed perfectly okay for my ex, as long as they were genuine, he would often say I was the most genuine person he has met and he was impressed how unapologetically myself I could be.

He loved me and accepted me at my worst, but at some point I stopped accepting myself and that’s how our problems started. He didn’t want me to be a good girl everybody else wanted me to be, he was perfectly happy with me being as hard to bear as I was, cause he loved that version of me.

That’s a good lesson, always always stay yourself and don’t let anyone tell you you are not enough, even if it is your family, don’t change for anyone. Stay true to yourself.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My mother told me, before you realize what a special man you have and start appreciating him, someone will steal him away from you.

But seems like he was perfectly happy with me, when he had to earn my love daily and he got “stolen” only when my self worth fell down and I started thinking he was too good.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He told me in the end “I love who you really are, I love that cute little monster you are”, please, don’t change yourself for me. - I must have listened, all he asked me to do was to stay myself.

[dynamicyandere]

That’s something that I’ve learned too, it’s important to remember who they fell in love with, and return to that. That should be a mental anchor. A time capsule. Even write it down if you have to. Because when your connection and relationship is the strongest, is when your chemistry is the strongest. And however you are right then and there is where you must remain if you want that chemistry to remain that strong.

Chemistry is super important. And it’s very good to be aware of your chemistry, where it is shifting, and make sure it shifts back to how things were when your attraction was at it’s peak.

This is the secret to how some people stay in a never-ending honeymoon phase, whether they’re doing it intentionally or not.

It’s when their chemistry is perfect, and they don’t change who they are and they don’t change they way they love each other.

The version of you that he fell in love with, that he fell hard for, was the version of you that had the perfect chemistry for him specifically.

Every guy is different, every guy has a type, but if you are just being yourself and find strong chemistry between you and your love interest, it’s important to remember exactly who you are and how you are at that moment in time.

Come back to that, and stay there, if you ever want to reignite the flame between you.

That’s the key to their heart.

Of course, people can change. You can change. And with changes, come changes in chemistry. So it’s important to be mindful of these changes and to make sure things are going in a direction you both want. That way, you won’t be leaving your compatibility to chance. You’ll be steering your ship together. ☺️

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yeah, but I was really so selfish, I was my worst version and he still loved me, his love inspired me to be a good person. Which he obviously disliked, as he loved that I could be unapologetically bad.

I am still who I was when he fell for me, just a bit more empathetic.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

The reason I found it so hard to lose him was that I knew I would get back to my old self as soon as our relationship dynamic would return to the face to face communication instead of online communication. Because as much as I might try to be my best version, that’s not who I am and there’s no eay for him to not see that when we’d stay alone in the same room. So, I kind of feel upset he didn’t meet me after I went back, I was 100% certain just one moment in a same space as me and he’d be unable to go. I am sure because I know we were very compatible, he loved my bad sides and he was excited and impressed by them. When we were together I was so certain he would never leave.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I felt so accepted to be loved even at my most unlovable self.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am still who I was back then, a bit heartbroken but i am still the same. I am as annoying, as entitled, as spoiled as I always was, but this time there’s no one encouraging me to be exactly that or loving me and accepting me exactly like that.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I feel like I screwed up a perfect compatibility between us, by trying to be a better person that I actually am.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But I did these mistakes out of love, I wanted him to feel as loved as he made me feel.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

To be honest, I have a theory, everything he said to hurt me, he said so that he could unleash my bad side in me, which I started hiding so hard so that I would never hurt him and instead, I forgave and forgave.

It’s cowardice of him that he didn’t meet me when I came back, I am still 100% certain, he’d just be powerless in a same room as me, because he just found my personality irresistible. And my personality is best shown in person.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

When I was being as annoying as a girl can get, he would come hug, kiss me and tell me “babe, it impresses me, how exceptionally cute you are. And I love you for that. I’ve never met a girl like you before, everyone tries to be nicer than they are, yet you are so happy and confident with yourself, it makes me jealous.”

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

These words made my heart melt and I was getting a bit affectionate to him, which he appreciated a lot and he felt very happy with.

I feel like he was perfect for me and I was perfect for him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I would never imagine I’d be broken up with because I am not that entitled and selfish as before 🤣🤣 Life is strange.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

You know, I am not that pretty or something but every time guys were attracted to me I always assumed it was because of my looks, because my personality is just so annoying I could never picture myself in a relationship and imagine how happy I was when someone fell for me for exact same traits that I thought made me unlovable.

[dynamicyandere]

Perhaps things are better this way. You becoming a better version of yourself shouldn’t have lessened his attraction.

But, perhaps for him, those negative traits of yours that you were trying to fix were endearing to him, even though they weren’t exactly healthy. Perhaps at the end of the day, he isn’t attracted to well-balanced women with great character. Which is his personal preference and that’s okay.

One day, I’m sure you’ll find someone who appreciates all the personal development you’ve been though, and falls in love with who you are now.

[molonski2]

Certainly that's the case , they don't hold that fear , they have been successful with other things , they are popular , and not remotely concerned about asking the question , all makes good sense.

[Anonymous]

I have noticed that, yeah. I don’t like it much. I find that they’re always courageous and assertive, yes, but also have massive egos and are full of themselves. I’ve never accepted being asked out on a date by someone in person. They’re never my type for those reasons. I prefer meeting people online and finding the shy, kind and nerdy men. So much more attractive in my eyes. I have no interest in a womaniser, or someone super popular with women. Fighting off women just for a shot with them is a huge turn off.

[spartan55]

So, because he asks you in person means he is a womanizer? Wtf? That's absurd.

[TaureanBull81]

@spartan55 Seems she's intimidated by confident men or she doesn't want a power struggle in a relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 well based off of my personal experience, every single guy that’s ever tried to ask me out in person HAS been a womaniser. So it’s safe for me to assume that every guy from then on will also be a womaniser. They all act the same. Cocky, and entitled.

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely not intimated by confident men, and I never have power struggles since I’m not dominant, I just don’t like narcissistic men or men who are full of themselves - it’s gross.

[spartan55]

Whatever, nothing like a sweeping generalization that makes no sense.

[TheSimFans]

i only seen a sometimes more dating apps the not last guy but other was always getting girlfriends more then once and I'm not interested in these men anymore or men that are popular since going to have very big ego and will be very loud

[justabuddy]

Yeah, several reasons for that. Most guys who are truly interested will usually try to get to know you first.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

That's because the only guys asking nowadays are fuckboys and players.

[TheSimFans]

@ImalwaysrightOK How you not find these type guys and i do rejected a lot and they seem to like players or fboys

[ImalwaysrightOK]

@TheSimFans they're the only ones that have no problem approaching and making their moves on women. The decent guys are usually afraid to be rejected or are shy and just build up the courage.

[TheSimFans]

I get rejected most by some type of shy guys and i seen short men can be just has players and fboys just like tall men. i went to learning disabilities college and got rejected by one short guy but i didn't care and walk away and some shy guys are not looking for long term relationship if they are youngers then me. is always has be struggle with me finding a men looking for long term and one that are looking for both sexual relationship and relationship.

[LiamJHayden]

I don't think I'm popular, but I get more dates than a lot of guys because I have no fear of asking.

[Anonymous]

Of course, Most of you Girls ignore any other types of Guys.