Why would guy emphasize that it’s been “very” nice to get to know me and talk to me while breaking things off?

[Anonymous]

Does it mean that he felt something for me?

[CaptainOverthink]

It hurts to break things off, he wanted to be nice about it because he'd probably feel worse if it was more dramatic and it can be nice getting to know someone even if it turns out you weren't the perfect match he hoped for.
And you know, just because he cares or may have a feeling about you, don't mean it's not the right thing. He's doing what he believes to be right for him.

I get it, still hurts. But at least he's not being jerk about it and he can move on not feeling like a mean person too. Ending things politely is best for everyone, if possible.

[spartan55]

Uh... if he is breaking things off why would you think he felt something for you? That makes no sense.

[Asker]

Because we wanted different things

[spartan55]

Huh? You are delusional.

[Zebrina]

I think he just cared about not hurting your feelings. It sounds very formal, which leads me to believe that it was not a relationship or not a very long relationship. It was likely just a nice way to break it off and nothing more.

[Asker]

Why did he say “very”

[Zebrina]

Just to emphasize and be nice. Why do you believe the 'very' means more than that?

[Asker]

I mean very nice means he liked me or gave the impression

[Asker]

He broke it off because of different lufe goals

[Asker]

Life*

[Zebrina]

If everyone hear said "yes, he cares about you." Are you going to go hit him up?

[Zebrina]

here

[Asker]

No, why?

[Zebrina]

I'm trying to understand why you are caught up on whether or not he had feelings for you? If you do think he does, and you are not going to try to get him back, and you do not think he is coming back, what is the point?
The dating pool is significantly reduced at our age and reduces more and more as time goes on. in my opinion, it's just not worth wasting your time thinking about this guy, when you could be putting that energy back into looking for a new guy that will be a better match for you.

[Asker]

He said it was because of our different life goals. I feel like he misunderstood me

[Zebrina]

It's possible thats the truth. It is also possible that was just an excuse. Life goals can and do evolve and change over time.
What did you tell him your life goals were? Vs His life goals?

[Asker]

I feel like he broke up with me because he’s looking for traditional woman i. e housewife. I told him about my plans during our date (to study more, get better job and wanting to move abroad). After that he broke things off because of life goals not aligning.

[Asker]

I do want kids and he knows that. He told me he wants big family. I did told him I want several kids too. When I told him I want to move abroad I meant like I want to move after 10 years

[Zebrina]

I'm assuming he is your age or older?

[Asker]

He’s 2 years older than me. i’m 28

[Zebrina]

I'm sorry I assumed the age on your post was accurate. But regardless, it's close enough to still be relevant.

I can see how those goals don't align. Try to look at it this way. Most couples have kids somewhere between 2-4 years into their relationship. So it's likely that at the earliest point, you would be 30 and he would be 32 when you plan to have baby #1.

Assuming that neither of you have any fertility issues and get pregnant right away, it then takes almost a year just for one pregnancy. So now you are 33 and he is 35.

You may believe right now that you will have your children really close together, but that often changes when you experience that first baby. You are tired and your body takes time to recover. Not to mention you may be breastfeeding for the first year of life (and many people go longer than that), and by the time you get your body back to yourself, it's harder than you think to just jump right back into pregnancy again.

Before you know it, your first child is 2. You are still exhausted from keeping up with that one, but hey, let's say you're ambitious and you are ready to go for #2.
You are now 35 and he is 37. And you repeat that 3 year cycle, again and again so that you can have a big family.

Life gets busier and busier and more demanding. But you have to start this process sooner rather than later and you have to keep going because you are both getting older and it might be harder and harder to conceive and keep up with them.

[Zebrina]

Can you see why studying, advancing your career, and moving abroad (even in 10 years) is not compatible with that life?
You can try to work and study while being a mom, but if he prefers the mother to raise them and not a daycare worker, that's just not going to work for him.
Not to mention, you can't or shouldn't just up and move with young children. They do best with stability and with family and loved ones around them. Its difficult for them to be ripped away from that and from the friends they have made from school.

Most people can't have both.

[Asker]

He already knew my age so I don’t think my age is problem. Those thinhs that I told him I kinda regret since they weren’t really what I want and I can see how it’s not realistic. But he didn’t told me what plans didn’y align so I could explain to him. He said ” just in general level our life plans don’t just align”

[Zebrina]

I'm not saying your age is a problem. I was just saying that I thought you were 30-35 because that is what it says on your post. But that doesn't really matter.

Where your age comes into play when it comes to dating, especially older men, is that it adds to the pressure to start a family sooner rather than later. So these men are looking for a woman who is ready for that and serious about settling down.

I can see why you would regret saying that if in reality, you were more flexible with what you wanted to do in life. But unfortunately, it is probably too late to try to undo it. If you came to him now telling him you do actually want what he wants, you would just come across as wishy-washy and unsure of what you really want, which is also not ideal in a partner.

My advice would be to think about what I said and how that factors into your plans. I am saying this all from first hand experience.
Take some time to really think about what you truly want. What you want to prioritize and what you want to accomplish. Be sure of yourself so that you can convey that to the next guy. Even if you really, really like the guy, you will only be doing yourself a disservice in the long run if you just try to tell them what you think they want to hear or if you try to change your goals to be more align with theirs.

[Asker]

During the date he even asked me if I had kids would I work or stay at home. I saod when they’re little I would stay at home. I said I’m used to working and would want to make my own money

[Asker]

I don’t think my respons made him happy lol

[Zebrina]

Yeah, there is nothing wrong with what you want by the way. He was probably just looking for someone who prioritized more of the homemaker side of things over the long term. A lot of men these days are going back to wanting a marriage with more of the traditional gender roles.
Some women realize too late that being a homemaker was not right for them and over time they just get angry and resentful about that role. He is probably just weary of that.

But don't get discouraged. I've seen plenty of men on here that have said they prefer a wife who contributes financially and does whatever makes her happy.

[Asker]

But I really do miss him. Last time we talked was almost 7 weeks ago. Would it be desperate if I reach out to him?

[Zebrina]

Have you reached out at all since he broke things off?

[Asker]

No I haven’t. He seemed like he’s firm about his decision. We wished each other etc. After that I went no contact

[Asker]

I even removed him from my instagram followers

[Zebrina]

I will be honest and say that I do not think it will be successful, but at the same time, what do you have to lose? You will either be able to give it another try or you will get closure and know for sure that it's not going to go anywhere.

If you do, do it once and once only. Any more than that and you will definitely come off as desperate. Also keep in mind that if you do not get a response in the first 48 hrs after you reach out, that is equivalent to a rejection. Do not follow up. Do not try to clarify what you meant. Do not convince yourself that he's just busy or it did not go through.
A non response is the same as a response and it means he does not want to try again.
Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Either way you will be okay. :)

[Asker]

I don’t think I will reach out altough I’m tempted but why do you thinn it wouldn’t be successfull?

[Asker]

Think*

[Zebrina]

Because it's been almost two months and since he was the one to break things off, he would have reached out by now if he thought he made a mistake.

[provokeesmokee]

No! He's BREAKING UP he wouldn't do that if he had feelings.

It's called being let down gently, and he's saying he enjoyed talking with you.

That's it. THERE'S NO FURTHER FEELINGS. Stop before you hurt yourself.

[Asker]

He broke it off because we wanted different things

[Biancam13]

This might not feel good to hear, but he is trying to let you down gently and be kind/empathetic about it. You can still care about not hurting someone's feelings and care about them because they are a fellow human being, but not want to be with them for whatever reason (s).

That's what it sounds like with your guy. He is not interested in continuing the relationship and is telling you that, but is trying to not hurt your feelings as much as possible.

[molonski2]

He simply means that it has been " nice " getting to know you , but there are elements of it that are never going to work ( standard occurrence ) so he is wishing you luck and saying goodbye.

[Asker]

What nice mean from a guy?

[molonski2]

Just means you were okey , good to meet you , you are not what he's after.

[Asker]

Why did he say “very” if I’m okey

[molonski2]

Its normal context " extremely nice to meet you " ( Very ) , but today I have a lot of commitments , I must keep move..
Again " very nice to get to know you " means very little.

[Asker]

He said it was very nice to get to know you and talk to you. You’re very nice person and have a kind heart

[molonski2]

Yes , and your point is? I'm agreeing with that part.

[Asker]

Why he gave me those conplimenhs if he didn’t felt anything for me? He broke things off because we wanted different things

[molonski2]

Okey , I have left you already with the answer he is being polite , I have to go now , all the best.

[ProbablyClueless]

He doesn't feel something for you, but he still found interacting with you to be a pleasant experience. He doesn't have anything against you, he just doesn't feel chemistry with you.

[Asker]

Why did he say “very”

[ProbablyClueless]

Please read my original response above.

[Asker]

He broke it off because we wanted different things. He didn’t say anything about chemistry

[ProbablyClueless]

Yeah, he did; that's part of what it means to have chemistry with someone. Wanting the same things is a huge element of making a relationship worth pursuing.

And anyway... why didn't you include that information in the main post?

[Asker]

He said we shouldn’t continue to date because of our different life goals. I asked what plans didn’t align and he said ”just in general level they don’t just align” .

[ProbablyClueless]

I think you and I have spoken about this situation before... did he take you to some restaurant, and ask you if you liked it so he could take other women there?

[Asker]

I asked him if he liked it

[Asker]

And he said yes

[ProbablyClueless]

Gotcha... I'm sorry to hear that you are still processing through this situation. You must have really felt a connection with him. It's always a shame to miss out on those sorts of interactions.

[Anonymous]

it means he's not a douche and is polite and knows common courtesy. he's not a coward and decided to let you know how he felt and how it's just not working out for him, in a nice way.

[Asker]

Why did he say “very” Nice

[Opinion Owner]

because he didn't want to hurt your feelings

[slatyb]

No, it meant he was trying to minimize the drama by saying "It's not you, it's me."

[Asker]

Why would he do that?

[slatyb]

To end it with as little trouble to himself as possible.

[Dan_cColt]

I mean you can enjoy the time you had even if you're ending things. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

[Asker]

So he felt something for me? He ended things because we wanted different things

[Dan_cColt]

He could have enjoyed the time you guys had, not every relationship ends horribly and it just sounds like you guys didn't click on some things which is pretty normal, and dealt with it in a healthy way instead of dragging it out.

[Asker]

He said our life goals didn’t align

[Asker]

He said it was very nice to get to know you and talk to you. You’re very nice person and have a kind heart. I believe strongly You’ll meet someone more compatible soon

[Asker]

Are those words something guy would say if he feels he doesn’t deserve me?

[Dan_cColt]

It doesn't have to mean he feels like he "doesn't deserve you." 1, he's either putting you down gently or 2, he's just saying he doesn't see a future with you in some capacity. Either way, he's being nice about it and really could just mean he doesn't see ya'lls life goals aligning. I wouldn't think too much about it.

[Asker]

If he’s putting me down gently does it mean he was lying about his reason to cut it off?

[Dan_cColt]

I don't know the inner workings of ya'lls relationship so I'm not gonna claim to know, but I'd rather think positively about the way he broke it off, consuming yourself with why is not healthy and if it's really over just move on with your life, I know that's not exactly as easy as just saying it but it's realistic.

[Asker]

Can I pm you?

[SnowedIn]

Nope. He may have enjoyed getting to know you but doesn't want a relationship.

[Flower7]

He’s just trying to be polite. It doesn’t mean that he had any feelings.

[DermalPunch]

He's being nice. Forget about being with him.

[DermalPunch]

Whatever he felt... he isn't feeling it anymore. That's it. Simple. Don't complicate it.

[In_Trance]

Because he's doing a terrible thing to you but wants you to remember him as a good person.
Everyone does this

[Asker]

Why though?

[In_Trance]

validation

[Asker]

It came across as that he felt something for me and the decision was hard for him

[In_Trance]

don't be naïve. he knows exactly what he's doing

[Asker]

So what was he doing? To leave things in good terms so he can later come back?

[In_Trance]

possibly. and if you think he's a good person, there's a much better chance of you taking him back. Make no mistake, he's going to be railing someone else
either way, the thought of someone hating you is crushing. So people say these bullshits lines and say things like "let's be friends" to ensure it ends on the best possible terms even during a terrible situation like this

[Anonymous]

Maybe, because you can have feelings for someone even if logically you can’t see being in a relationship with them as right for you.

[strateguy632]

to soften the rejection

[Asker]

Why he need to soften it? It came across as that he felt something for me and the decision was hard for him

[RavVid]

I think it is a soft landing strategy.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[RavVid]

I mean he is exiting in as nice a way he can.

[Anonymous]

Nobody likes to fee guilty

[Anonymous]

Its likely just his way of saying goodbye.

[Asker]

He even said may god bless you. Why he would say those things?

[Opinion Owner]

He's just being nice and acting like a gentleman.

[Asker]

Why though?

[Opinion Owner]

Ask him?

[Asker]

I can’t obviously ask him after weeks of us not talking

[HappyWoman34]

Being polite