This is such a weird scenario. But basically I want to know if I over reacted. My ex randomly called me one night at like 11pm. We were talking here and there (I apologized for past behavior and since we’ve been on talking terms). He is in a new relationship, one that he said is “the one”.
i was sleeping so I called him back the next day. He was asking how was everything how was work etc. And he kept asking me if I was seeing anyone I kept telling him no and he was like why etc. Eventually I told him to stop asking me about that. I knew he was seeing someone, who I think is now his girlfriend from what he told me before.
basically, he called me because he wanted to send me the link to this application to download. This application looks entire sketchy and I was against it at first but I said I’ll think about it. After catching up on the phone we hung up. Like ten seconds later he calls me again I answer like what. It’s about this app again!! He said he sent me a new link to download it. Then I ask like you don’t have anyone else (your girl for example) to ask. Then he said oh his girlfriend was the one who sent it to him.
after this I got really upset, told him I don’t feel good I need to go, and then texted after explaining how that didn’t make me feel good. To which he responded “we should be strictly professional from now on” (we work in the same company).
Like, what do you guys think of his actions and mines. Did I over react? Was it actually inappropriate? Why is he even asking me if he’s supposedly found the one. He keeps going on and on how he was so surprised he found someone he actually fits with. I still have feeling and it makes me feel so shit
I also told him like if we catch up, I don’t want to hear about how well your situation is going. I don't know why he keeps telling me how great it is. I’m okay with talking but I don’t want to hear about it,
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I think if u can't do the friend thing because u still like him them only talking about work stuff
Same response as above- I know I’m not fully over him…I’m not trying to be friends but I am just trying to keep things cordial for work. he was the one who called me. I’m trying to keep my distance. I just want an opinion on this entire situation. And if my reaction was too much, and if his ask was inappropriate
I also told him like if we catch up, I don’t want to hear about how well your situation is going. I don't know why he keeps telling me how great it is. I’m okay with talking but I don’t want to hear about it, and I don’t want you to send me stuff your girl sent you. I’m obviously not over him but I just want to know if I was over reacting
If u are supposed to be his friend yes u are overreacting
And if u are not trying to be friends then u need to make that clear
Hmmm okay, you don’t think it was like weird, to send me an app that his girlfriend sent him to get points? I just thought that was so inappropriate. But I get so emotional sometimes I don't know
Why did it matter that she sent him it
I don't know it just feels weird to me? Maybe it matters because I’m clearly not over him. I just thought it was kinda insensitive- saying like hey my girlfriend sent me this app, can you download it so I can get free stuff? Especially given our history, I feel like it would be common sense that hearing about anything related to them might not be appropriate? Hearing anything about them just makes me feel off and I’d rather not. I don't know tho. Maybe I am just over reacting/too emotional
But thats the thing u are expecting him to treat u special but him saying to keep it professional I. e work mates thats why I said if u can't do that make it clear
And thats me betting on him being a nice guy if he is just a dick he would be doing this to annoy u which in any case ignoring him wpuld be best anyway apart from work duties
But how am I expecting him to treat me special? We barely talk outside of work. I reach out when I need something at work and he gives it. This was a recent/unique scenario (app and him calling me thing). I mean I said like I just don’t want to hear about like your relationship even in minor ways. I feel like that’s boundaries? He was the one that reached out about this random application and called me at 11pm? Am I wrong for just feeling off about that (esp the connection to relationship)?
If the only reason u have a issue with the app is because u are not over him how is that not treating u special if u are upset he sent it to u
I mean like. I’m friends with some of my exes. I would feel like it would be insensitive to send them something my current boyfriend sent to me, and more over say oh my boyfriend sent this to me look! And he was like feening for me to download it. Especially if the breakup was recent and I know there are still residual feelings from the other side. I feel like that’s not “being treated special” but boundaries I’ll need to be able to stay cordial. I don’t think it’ll ever be like “normal” friends and boundaries are needed don’t you?
I could be wrong tho. I just want to know if my perception is skewed
I do feel like putting in boundaries based on a past relationship is being treated special or differnt then normal
Hmmm okay. I see your point. But is that so bad to request?
Its a request u expect but are not entitled too no
Yea I get I’m not entitled to it. But he’s also not entitled to have access to me or say whatever he wants without boundaries/respect for how it makes me feel. The fact is that hearing anything about his girlfriend doesn’t make me feel good. Especially when he goes on about how great everything is. He might just have not understood that.
This is the first time I’m also communicating this request I guess. I feel like it’s be good to establish that boundary going forward. But maybe I am doing too much
Thats why I said if u don't want situation like this it's for u to speak out on and say let's keep things strictly professional and avoid our personal lives yes he is not entitled to speak to you but u let him
True. Yea. I already asked him to talk about how that made me feel and change the way we interact going forward. I think being like “friends” is fine but like coworker friends y’a know. So I’ll just express how it made me feel and ask to change that?
And yes you’re right. I do let him. I like catching up with him. And it just makes it soooo much easier to interact at work. But this change of him telling me and looping me into stuff with his new situation is just not making me feel good. I just hope it’s appropriate to ask?
Just tell him u are not able to speak to him about personal stuff as its too hard for you
Ok gotcha, I guess I already kinda said that. I was like let’s avoid talking about relationships it doesn’t make me feel good. I just want to make sure I’m not like overrracting. Or if it was even valid for me to get upset over this
Sure u have a right to be upset over it but for me if ubstill care to this degree u shouldn't be speak to him about anything but work
Girls who talk to their ex's, are not over them.
YOU NEED TO MOVE ON
I know I’m not fully over him… he was the one who called me. I’m trying to keep my distance. I just want an opinion on this entire situation. And if my reaction was too much, and if his ask was inappropriate
Ignore him. The only way to get over him, is no contact. If you keep replying, you're showing he has control over you/power
I also told him like if we catch up, I don’t want to hear about how well your situation is going. I don't know why he keeps telling me how great it is. I’m okay with talking but I don’t want to hear about it, and I don’t want you to send me stuff your girl sent you. I’m obviously not over him but I just want to know if I was over reacting
Yea that’s definitely true. I’m just trying to keep things cordial for when we run into each other. Like sometimes I need his help at work so I’m trying to make it easier on myself with slow exposure. And everything was fine, for like weeks. He tells me how his relationship is going and it makes me feel off but like it’s fine. What really made me upset was the app thing and the calling at 11pm. Like I don't know if I’m just over reacting or too emotional. But that made me feel so off, like him sending me this random app that his girlfriend sent him. Asking to download for point. Idkkkk
Ex's are not ok to be in contact with. GET OVER HIM
I’m tryingggg, like my literal hardest. I can’t just wake up and be over him tho it’ll take time. Especially when I need to interact with him like once a week. I just want to know if that’s whole him sending me that app from his girlfriend was inappropriate…. And if I overreacted by saying like I don’t want to hear or know anything regarding your situation…. Even something like that
You don't need to interact with him. Out of sight out of mind
GET OVER HIM
But I do lol. For work I 10000% do. If I don’t interact with him at work my performance could be affected. He’s on a product team that supports my team which is client facing. I don’t interact with him everyday but every couple of weeks or so.
So I’m thinking just boundaries. Professional. Which is why I want to know if him asking me to download this random app his girlfriend send him was actually inappropriate and insensitive. Or if I’m just a wuss
This is why you never date coworkers
We were working in different firms when we started dating. I was there first and I came back full time after graduating. I would rather work with him than be stuck without a job.
Or you could just get another job. You're letting his presence get to you
I love my job and my team. I thought about it and I am not leaving because of him. If I leave it will be because I found somewhere better. Not because of him. It’s a great team, great firm, great career great pay and great exit opportunities. To leave because of him would be such a dumb decision.
For the most part I do not let his presence get to me. It’s been about a year of this. I just didn’t know how to feel about this recent interaction. Didn’t know if my emotions/asks were valid or I was being crazy
You need to leave. Point blank
I’m not leaving my job. At all.