I pay for every single date, help?

[Anonymous]

So I been dating this guy for 4 months. We hang out around 3 to 4 times per month. We go out to eat, bowling, movies, picnics, the mall, etc. The thing is, I pay for everything. We even use my car with my gas. I’ve inserted the comments of “I wanna feel what its like to get spoiled like you are” and he says he is taking me to Universal but we keep putting it off cause fights. But it’s just I feel weird at this point for always paying. I end up spending $100+ per date and im a college student. Help on how to communicate this with him? He is also a college student and has his own house, car, etc.

[MrOracle]

You should both be paying your own way. It's fine if one of you OCCASIONALLY treats the other, but this guy is clearly using you. You also say that you are fighting a lot.

I could be wrong, but normally women only tolerate such behavior when the guy is very hot and/or very popular. If that's the situation here, then you either stay with him and keep letting him use you, or you dump him. You won't change him - a hot/popular guy can get a new girl before you could make a hair appointment.

Hot/popular guys are almost always terrible relationship partners, because they have endless options, and are used to being selfish and self centered and getting away with it. If that's who you are with, you should expect selfish behavior.

[Popcornthedog]

This seems like a lot of pressure on your end and I’m sorry this is happening. Communication with a partner can be difficult sometimes but not impossible. It just takes practice! Personally, I wouldn’t count on the Universal trip. You are working so hard to earn your money and college is expensive so instead of investing in him, start investing In yourself a little more. You earned it! As for the communication, I would openly talk about to problem with him and say “I would appreciate it if we split who paid for what for each date”. Have a system where you pay for one thing and he pays for another. If he gives you excuses, stop paying for him. It’s just not right towards you. Relationships are a two way thing. Good luck to you and I hope this helped a little!

[Asker]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Ok, I gotta ask two obvious questions here:




1. ⁠What does this guy bring to the relationship?
2. ⁠Does he have a magic wang?


I just can't imagine myself with a guy who's fine with me being his sugar mama, especially since I don't have enough sugar for us both.

[Asker]

Lol well the sex is absolutely amazing🤣 best i’ve ever had. Other than that we are pretty 50/50 emotional stuff I mean

[Opinion Owner]

Lol 😂 okay that’s nice I see.

But from his behavior, I don’t think he will change in the future.

So if you are okay with continuing to pay for everything in the future, then stay.

If not, then it’s time to find someone else.

[belle_kai]

Sex shouldn't be why you're accepting this kind of behaviour. Both people should contribute and he can sometimes treat you too but you should never be paying for anything.

[GreatBigCircles]

There's a difference between treating someone, and carrying them. Especially if there's fighting going on. And if he's the one initiating the dates and then making you pay for it, that's just scummy. It sounds like he's taking your affections lightly and just using you as a piggy bank. It's simple enough to find out too, if you just stop taking him out on dates and he gets upset over it, rather than asking you out, then he's clearly just using you.

Or you could save yourself the trouble and dump him. You probably already realize something is wrong since you're asking. Go for it.

[AviatorTom]

Must be nice to be a college student and afford $100+ for each date. That's more than what my SO and I can afford... and we are fairly well off financially.

Unless you're addicted to his body, just tell him that you're tired of paying for everything and ask him to start paying. His reaction and response will tell you what's really going on in your "relationship".

[richardcory]

Is he significantly poorer than you are? Other than his not paying for dates are you really happy when you are with him otherwise?

If the dates are expensive enough to matter to you, you could tell him that you need to go on free dates - walks in the park and the like because of your budget

Its strange, most men (and women) want their dates to think highly of them. If he isn't in serious financial trouble, this is puzzling behaivor

[Billlewis]

A guy -- whether it's the guy you're dating or not -- should be paying for every single one of your dates, period. If this guy won't pay, then I recommend that you look into getting yourself a non sexual sugar daddy or a submissive male pay pig to pay for your dates.

[SnowedIn]

Just stop. All you have to do is say you're not going out. One of two things will happen:

Hell start to pay; or he won't. And there's your answer.

[Drumlin2001]

You can thank feminism. This is what you wanted. Men have been doing this since time began.
Seriously though, stop going on dates that cost money and tell him he needs to pay if he wants to go anywhere.

[slatyb]

Stop doing that. He's using you. Why are you allowing it? Without knowing anything about you, I can tell you that you deserve better.

[Asker]

That’s sweet of you, thank you

[Fireguy17]

might just be time to close the bank of you and move on to someone who will treat you better and not take advantage of you like that.
You deserve to be treated better than that.

[belle_kai]

That is NOT it. Find you a man that can contribute and that values you.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/FrLequ6dUdM

[TheSpaceGnome]

Women doing that is why men insist on splitting dates 50/50.
I advise you to do the same with him if it bothers you.

[Asker]

It’s mostly how to communicate it, its the first time me telling a guy to pay. All the other guys who have ever asked me out, they have all payed

[TheSpaceGnome]

Well doesn't that make you just as bad as him?

[Asker]

If they asked me out, they are paying. If I asked them out, i’m paying. If it’s a actual relationship thing, its 50/50

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't do dates unless it's an actual relationship thing.

[Anonymous]

How attractive. What a manly man. Lmao. Your bar seems to be in hell, raise it. Don’t ever pay for a man, that’s his job.

[Asker]

This is the first time this happens to me honestly. All the other dates I have gone with other dudes, they all payed.

[Surely]

As long as you keep doing what you are doing. He has no reason to change!
What is the attraction that this guy has over you?
Find someone that appreciates you!

[sheikalana]

What a looser. I would have dumped him after the first date.

[KrakenAttackin]

That is a bit odd, but now you know how 99.8% of men feel about dating.

[kerrieK001]

He should be paying in my opinion.

[SpyderMurpph]

@kerrieK001 can you dm me, or check out my question "is my neighbor flirting with me"
I posted it anonymously, but need to talk to some people about it?

[In_Trance]

talk to him, face to face

[Akam93]

I would dump his ass.

[boobliker]

then move on find a new guy

[normandi]

It is better to have the upper hand