How fast can a guy change his mind? He initiated courting and dating … then after just switched…?

[Anonymous]

Met someone online and we agreed on platonic friendship … we both work overseas … after multiple dates and some fooling around we ended up having sex … only after the second time that he informed me he was in an open relationship backhome with his partner ( asked twice before and he confirmed being divorced and single)

neither of us were looking for commitment but stable and exclusive sex ( he agreeeeeeddddd) and after he told me about his partner i was shocked ane reiterated my conditions aka exclusive where we live and no longterm plans. After a month of symbiotic bliss we both travelled to our respective countries for a couple of weeks. I did not engage in convos since he must have been with his partner but he maintained daily texting and contact … kept asking when i would be back blah blah blah …. I extended by a week for an emergency and he was asking for pics and vids as he he wanted me bad …. I return and we hook up two days after ( it felt different as in feelings involved i promise i ain’t crazy)…. The very next day he just went silent then after 3 days i texted and confronted him to which he said being lazy and wanting a break … but wanna maintain the relationship via texting … ( we freaking had a break as we both were traveling right?) …. Even the texting didn’t happen so after a week i asked for a meet up to clear things out and he said: i wanna be friends and just friends ….

why lie? Why drag it? Is it a normal behavior?
It was the last straw for me and i just blocked him as i felt used, abused and betrayed … wi had shared my insecurities and he ticked every single one of them ….

I am still confused and angry and don’t know how to move forward. Anyone been through this? Any guy care to explain this behavior?

[Anonymous]

When you start questioning men and call them out on their bullshit then you’re not longer fun and easy, so they leave in search for a woman who won’t question anything or have any sorts of demands or requirements.

Other than that, you say you swear there were feelings the last time. That may be why he left - to not allow those feelings to develop any deeper considering he’s in a relationship. It may even be a rule for their open relationship that they can’t see someone they have feelings for.

[Asker]

I dunno honestly… I could have been wrong … won’t be the first time lol

But the switch that happened makes no sense … u’d think even if I were right, he’ll act properly and decently. There were no promises no nothing

[Anonymous]

As fast as it takes her to start exhibiting toxic traits. Women are queens of hiding who they truly are. No I don't think guys should start what they don't intend to finish. But I'm the type of guy who learns all he can about a woman before initiating anything. And every guy knows most women women have a timer that starts ticking from the minute you meet them. And if that timer goes off before you've made a move she's not even considering you anymore. This puts guys like me at a disadvantage. Because we try to do the right thing and will end up paying for it everytime.

In short, it's in a guys best interest to pretend to feelings he doesn't feel yet or if ever. It's best for him to proceed with the courtship and if he doesn't see it working out to just end it. It may be harder on the woman. But you have to understand it makes much more sense for the guy.

[Asker]

I respect your opinion.. i wouldn’t know if i showed any toxic traits so i won’t pretend to be innocent 100%.
My point is that he kept it going and kept making plans even when i moved away … i asked to stop then but he maintained a DAILY daily check up and convos … so all that for one last F***? Weiird really.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I'm a big believer in "don't tell me, show me". I'm so used to women lying that I expect women to lie. Which sucks because honesty is a big thing with me. This is probably why I remain single. I have stringent standards in this area.
In my opinion he told you from start point go what the "relationship" was when he said platonic. You shouldn't have expected ANYTHING after that.

[Asker]

I expected honesty and nothing but honesty. I am here short term just like him and we come from diff backgrounds … it was convenient and practical. I thought I was with a mature person able to communicate.
Appart from effing from time to time we used to go out to discover places and BOTH acted as friends and not boyfriend and girlfriend.
To my understanding and what we agreed on we were Friends WITH sexual benefits. Nothing more.

[Opinion Owner]

When sex comes into play it's almost never JUST friends with benefits. Someone almost ALWAYS develops more of an attachment than the other.

[Asker]

My thought is he met some1 else and just cowered from opening up to it or wanted to play it while keeping me on the side waiting for it to pass … first option was a deal breaker to the sex part in the agreement we had …. Second option i believe was a failed attempt on his side to play me some more

[Opinion Owner]

But should that matter? You guys are just platonic friends with benefits. So why should it matter if he met someone else?

[Asker]

It really doesn’t honestly… my issue was with the lying and how things ended.
The meeting someone else was always on the table and my request was simply not to F raw with me and someone else as well … safe practice that is all

[Opinion Owner]

Well now you know you don't share that philosophy.

[Asker]

Indeed i do indeeeeeed

[Opinion Owner]

I learned a while ago not to put my expectations on others. And if I can't manage that I simply don't interact with those people. Because you're going to find yourself repeatedly disappointed when they don't live up to your expectations.

[lightbulb27]

he just sounds like a lying user, not only to you but others. That means he is emotionally screwed up.

normal... no, but not sure I know what normal is anymore to be honest. sounds to me like he's "hiding" and can't be honest if life depended upon it.

moving on sounds wise. dangerous games people play... there's value in slowing things. blah blah blah...

[Asker]

I slowed it down beyond what is possible for my own sake e specially after being nuked by his « open relationship » status.. . I should have ended it right then and there.
Lesson learned though

[Avicenna]

A guy can change his mind quickly, especially if he doesn't see a long term possibility

[Anonymous]

Most men don't know their ass from their elbow. This is something you just have to get used to with this guy, or seek out a new partner.

[mommymommymommy]

"platonic friendship". There's no such thing, LMAO

[Asker]

When you both live in a foreign country and are fairly new … simple outings and discovering the new culture can be done while being simple friends …. That’s what i thought lol

[mommymommymommy]

There's no such thing a a "platonic friendship hun"

They just say that to "not scare you away"

I don't have platonic friendships with my guy friends

IM NOT GAY

[Asker]

I know now … trust me on this

[mommymommymommy]

That's my point. there's no such thing. HE ALWAYS LIKED YOU, just like you ALWAYS liked him

[shortster]

As soon as I realize she isn't a good match.

[In_Trance]

He got a better offer

[Asker]

Amen. Why not just say it? It was always a possibility and we agreed on remaining friends if that happened with either …