Why would a guy long distance want sex on first meeting?

[Anonymous]

Is he going to have sex then do a runner on me? He drops hints he wants something massively serious eg babies etc and carries on the conversation with me about everything. Just don’t know whether this is all for sex. What are his intentions?

[Anonymous]

I think the better question to ask is where are things going realistically? You’re talking about babies and marriage, but when does he plan on closing the distance? Will that happen within the year? I ask this because if you two are just fantasizing with no concrete plans then it would be hard to take him serious and feel like this is all an effort to woo you and get into your pants. Then he would have an easier time going ghost because the distance makes it easier to ignore phone calls or block you all together.

[Asker]

So true yeah. I just want to know what his intentions are and even if I ask him straight he could lie for sec

[Asker]

Sex sorry typo earlier

[Opinion Owner]

You’re completely valid for wanting to know his true intentions, I’ve been in that place before and it’s tricky! That’s why I think the best you can do is have the bigger, feasible plans in mind when you’re making your decisions. Like does he have a plan to move closer? And I mean aside from words, is there anything solid? A date, apartment, job, house? To me, having real evidence of his promises coming to to life can make you feel more confident in his words and therefore his “intentions”, if that makes sense. Like he can talk about wanting babies and marriage all day, but without concrete efforts to work towards that, then those are just empty words he’s using to bring your guard down and it get what he wants.
Asking the right questions, trusting your instinct and seeing that he’s actually making moves towards those big plans, would ease your mind about his visit and his intentions. When he’s not giving you anything, then it’s just a bunch of fantastical nonsense and no one has time for that. You are correct, he could lie if you were to ask for an answer, but if you feel like he’s being dishonest because he’s not making any moves, then that’s you’re cue to walk away.

[Opinion Owner]

I just noticed your comment to the other guy after I sent what I just said, and I wish I saw it first before because that’s a big red flag. For some reason I was under the impression you were just worried about his intentions for visiting, which is fair. But for him to be actually talking about having sex, and only arranging for future dates with no talk of actually closing the distance then to me that’s all about a casual sex arrangement. Any man I’ve met who spoke of sex so often we’re fuckboys. The relationship I’m in now, he never did that with me, was very respectful and I realized that this showed how serious he was outside of hooking up. Real, good men aren’t mapping out plans to get laid on their first visit and instead work on a “if it happens it happens” basis.

[Asker]

Wow your advice is on point thanks so much. I did imply to him that I wouldn’t want sex first time we meet and he kind of changed subject asked how my dad been. Then he talks to me as though I’m a friend and genuinely seems interested in talking to me and like he values me as a person like this fascination by me

[Asker]

He kind of is just talking about let’s see what happens when we meet kind of thing. I was kind of blunt and said did he want sex and he just says let’s go with flow when we first meet

[Opinion Owner]

No problem! I’ve dealt with similar men when I tried LDR situations and I just had to learn how to prioritize my expectations/standards/boundaries over my romantic feelings for those men. That whole “we’ll see how it goes” line from my experience is just an excuse to drag his feet.
The thing about LDRs is that it’s supposed to be a short term arrangement, and without a concrete plan to close the distance, then you’re just wasting your time honestly. If you were to ask him right now what his plans are for the near future, what would he say? Does he have something solid in mind, or just wants you to just be ok with lack of a plan when it’s not cool at all? Eventually you will get tired of the strain that the distance will put on you both, but before that happens, he probably wants to hook up so that he can gradually switch up before going flat completely. Don’t fall into that trap — be adamant about what you will accept. If there’s no plan to be closer, then no more fantasizing, if you wanted that you can just get lost in a book lol. It’s better to invest your time in a man who can make real progress with you.

[Asker]

Yeah I want closure from it fast

[Opinion Owner]

How long have you been dealing with him?

[Anemone978]

Depends on how long you all been talking for...

[RespectfulGuy]

Sounds to me like a very experienced Player.

Test:

Tell him you are saving your virginity for marriage and see how he responds.

Then firmly let him know that you want to meet up, but no sex.

Live by it. And you won't get cheated.

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight. Experienced players can be very clever and make you doubt what’s going on

[236color]

Could be he hasn't been successful with women he's known longer term and wants to do the deed quickly before you get to know him and change your mind. I would not agree to sex before meeting him IRL.

[rm_llort]

He's talking about it on the first meeting then 100% definitely gonna fun and run you.

[Asker]

He’s implying he wants it first meeting and already arranging future dates to see me. What does this mean?

[rm_llort]

If he's implying it then yes it is fun and run. Arranging future dates already is just to ease your suspicions. The truth is staring you in the face and you seem reluctant to listen to your intuitions.

[Asker]

Thanks whenever I imply these are just his intentions for meeting me he kind of goes softer and says let’s just go with the flow of things. And then starts speaking to me about something unrelated asking how my days been. Is this acting? To get sex

[rm_llort]

Yes and its obvious right? He'll probably be looking for an opportunity to make his move the second you meet.

[Asker]

Yeah… but how can I tell whether he wants something serious too or if it’s just sex now should I just tell him there will be no sex first meeting see what he says?

[rm_llort]

Tell him that. Its a good general rule of thumb to wait 3 dates but use your intuition.

[Asker]

I did say that but he sort of didn’t reply to it talked about something else

[rm_llort]

Oh man the more you tell me the more I'm convinced he's after one thing.