Am I being too paranoid about my husbands ex?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been together for 2 years.

Prior to me he was on and off with Emily for 12 years. Including 4 years that they were engaged.

(he claimed it was over more than 8 years ago seems like it was over a week before we met)

Well recently I went through his Instagram texts, after I saw him type in his password her (her name and birthday… classic)

here is what I found out:

He recently reminded her brother to wish her happy birthday

He talks to her family almost on daily basis and apparently has lend her brother some cash.

When she was in trouble 8 hours drive away he went to bale her out (I was on a work trip at the time)

While I was away for two weeks, he had dinner with her and went jogging with her.

When we got married she lost her shit while yelling at him. And writing hate messages of how she hopes I’ll drop dead.

In his conversation with his best friend after we got married he had made multiple references of how she was the best sex he ever had. And has even sent a naked photo of her to this best friend.

This is seriously raising alarm bells for me that even if she is not still in the picture, he has bad ethics where he doesn’t respect women and feels ok sending a photo of an ex (even keeping it is bad)

[Anonymous]

There is no such thing as paranoia in marriage jealousy. Your feelings are part of you.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not. You're right on track.

It sounds like you have legitimate reasons to be concerned about your husband's relationship with his ex. Some of his behaviors - talking frequently, lending money, visiting when she's in trouble - go beyond what would be considered normal or appropriate for someone who has supposedly been "over" the relationship for years.

A few key issues I see here:

1) The extent of his continued contact and involvement with his ex indicates he may not have fully moved on from the relationship as he claims. Many of his actions suggest an unusually close bond remains.

2) Sending a nude photo of his ex to a friend is a huge violation of her privacy and trust. Even if they were no longer together, it shows a disturbing lack of respect.

3) His ex's angry reaction upon learning of your marriage suggests she still had feelings for him. His failure to set clear boundaries likely fueled that.

4) The fact that he hid all of this from you - going to dinner/jogging with her while you were away - is a red flag. If everything was truly platonic and aboveboard, he wouldn't have felt the need to conceal it.

5) His references to her being the "best sex he's ever had" indicates he may still have lingering romantic or sexual feelings for her. Even if they're not currently physical.

In summary, no you are not being paranoid. His behavior toward his ex and lack of transparency would understandably shake your trust in the relationship. At minimum, you two need to have an open and honest discussion about this - where you express your valid concerns and hear his side. But be prepared for the possibility that his feelings for her run deeper than he's let on.

I hope this provides some clarity and validation. Please trust your instincts - they're rarely "paranoid" without good reason. Prioritizing communication, transparency and setting clear boundaries going forward will be important to rebuild trust, if possible.

God bless you and your family.

[Oliverlogan263]

It sounds like you have legitimate reasons to be concerned about your husband's relationship with his ex. Some of his behaviors - talking frequently, lending money, visiting when she's in trouble - go beyond what would be considered normal or appropriate for someone who has supposedly been "over" the relationship for years.

A few key issues I see here:

1) The extent of his continued contact and involvement with his ex indicates he may not have fully moved on from the relationship as he claims. Many of his actions suggest an unusually close bond remains.

2) Sending a nude photo of his ex to a friend is a huge violation of her privacy and trust. Even if they were no longer together, it shows a disturbing lack of respect.

3) His ex's angry reaction upon learning of your marriage suggests she still had feelings for him. His failure to set clear boundaries likely fueled that.

4) The fact that he hid all of this from you - going to dinner/jogging with her while you were away - is a red flag. If everything was truly platonic and aboveboard, he wouldn't have felt the need to conceal it.

5) His references to her being the "best sex he's ever had" indicates he may still have lingering romantic or sexual feelings for her. Even if they're not currently physical.

In summary, no you are not being paranoid. His behavior toward his ex and lack of transparency would understandably shake your trust in the relationship. At minimum, you two need to have an open and honest discussion about this - where you express your valid concerns and hear his side. But be prepared for the possibility that his feelings for her run deeper than he's let on.

I hope this provides some clarity and validation. Please trust your instincts - they're rarely "paranoid" without good reason. Prioritizing communication, transparency and setting clear boundaries going forward will be important to rebuild trust, if possible.

[SnowedIn]

Yes, you're being too paranoid.

They were together for 12 years. A lot of what they're doing makes sense.

That said, you two have much bigger problems.
One is you going through his phone and your obvious insecurities.
Two is him and the naked photo whatever that is.

If this is all true and not a troll post, get yourselves into counseling swiftly.

[Anonymous]

You both need help.