We’re not dating or anything, but why would a guy who says he doesn’t want a relationship and has turned off his feelings constantly bring this up?

[Anonymous]

It seems many of our conversations come back to this. I’ve never pushed for anything. I’ve never brought the topic up. Would I like to date him, sure, but I’ll never make the first move. We’re friends, but I’m fairly certain he likes me as more. I’m just confused as to why this subject always comes up.

[_Maya_]

Well for starters how has he turned off his feelings and do you know for sure that he has? If yes then he is just a bitter person that wants to bitch about it. If no then he may be hoping that one of these days you are going to say "oh I would date you" and then... jackpot. He made you make the first move. I know that you said that you never would but he might think you will. Those are the two reasons I can think of off the top of my head.

[provokeesmokee]

Two things come to mind for me:

• He's playing victim so you'll pander to him (aka learned/weaponised helplessness and pity)
• He's desperately hoping you'll "prove him wrong" and fix him

In both cases, he's a terrible fit.

[ProbablyClueless]

You say you wouldn't make the first move, but have you told him that you are receptive to the idea of dating him? If he's turning his emotions off and the subject keeps coming up, he obviously likes you but doesn't think it would work. Maybe he doesn't think he is capable of having a healthy relationship with you, or maybe he doesn't think you'd actually be interested.

The answer to most relationship problems boils down to communication.

[Asker]

I haven’t because every time some brings up the idea of his dating again, he says he isn’t interested.

[ProbablyClueless]

Sounds like you're dealing with someone who is pretty out of touch with his emotions. I'd just keep that one at a distance, if I were you.

[Asker]

He’s divorced and has had a very bad relationship after that. I can’t imagine going through what he did. But we’re friends, and I don’t abandon my friends.

[OlderAndWiser]

"why would a guy. . . constantly bring this up?" Constant bring WHAT up? That he doesn't want a relationship?

[Asker]

Yes. To someone he’s only friends with.

[OlderAndWiser]

He either thinks he needs to convince you, or he needs to convince himself.

[Anonymous]

My soon to be ex husband, before we dated, wood say, "my ex married someone else because I didn't have a job, now I'm not interested in dating anymore, I'm only interested in the real thing, marriage."

For me, I wanted to date before marrying. And it was some sort of his trick to woo girls into thinking he's a person who's looking for commitment.

We went to a hotel and we had our first time together. Later he said he didn't know we're gonna do it. He made it seem like I jumped him and kinda r@ped him. He said he just wanted me to sit on his lap not penetrate me.

I felt like shit.

He'd always make it out like he wasn't interested in dating around, sleeping around.

[StarWarGirl]

Maybe he is just venting out wherever he feels he could, where he feels it is safe to vent it out he won't be get judged or won't get mocked or won't be questioned. Maybe he feels safe while saying it before you.

[StarWarGirl]

Or maybe just he wants to say it to himself maybe he is trying to convince himself.

Or maybe he is trying to give you a clear message that he will not so don't mistake him.

You see you analyse and you decide what is it but for now just take it as his statement and try always to not cross that boundary from your side.

[BigDog1989]

Probably just wants to see if you've decided for it, or if you're seeing any other men

[Asker]

Decided for what?

[BigDog1989]

If you want to move on or not

[WhitneySnow]

What exactly does he say?

[Asker]

How’s it’s not worth it. And he’s done.

[WhitneySnow]

He’s not interested. What makes you think he is?

[Asker]

Because everything he does is in complete disagreement with these statements.

[WhitneySnow]

Like what does he do?

[Anonymous]

He must think you aren't getting the message.

[Asker]

I don’t know why though. We’re friends. That’s all. I mean he constantly teases and flirts with me, but that’s all.🤷🏻‍♀️

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with you, but consider asking him.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆