I said "i dont want 2 be put in a position where if ur w/ur wife & u see me, u avoid saying hi 2 me" 2 my guy bff cuz she told him 2 cut me off?

[Anonymous]

his isn't very secure about herself and is jealous about our friendship and sees me as a "threat". so i told him if you know she's not ok with the bounds of our friendship, then you used our friendship as a timepass knowing that shit would hit the fan. and i asked him not to drag me into his wives insecurities and that i don't want to be put in a position where he avoids saying hi to me because she's around. Men, what do you think of this sentence?

[Anonymous]

I think that’s fair. I had to do that with a guy friend of mine who would go ghost for long periods of time when he got a girlfriend and eventually I had enough. Nobody wants a circumstantial friendship where it’s only convenient when they’re single. In your case it was shady for him to continue a friendship that he knew made his wife uncomfortable and without her knowledge. It also sucks because on your end you know it’s strictly platonic and shouldn’t be put in a position to make her feel threatened.

[Asker]

Very well said. She feels like things might lead on to something later on. And she sees me as a threat. So I explicitly told him that I don’t want to be dragged into your wife’s insecurities. And I said I’m hurt because he knows she’s not ok with the bounds of our friendship and so it seems as though he used it as a timepass until he knew shit would hit the fan. I also said that I don’t want to be in a position when he avoids saying hi to me when he’s with her.

I needed to earn my respect back and he needed to know that I have some self respect even he has feelings for me.

[Opinion Owner]

I think that’s what makes it so hard for men and women to be platonic from start to finish, someone always catches feelings for the other. It seems that kind of friendship dynamic only work if one or both are taken, if either of them aren’t interested romantically, even if they tried dating in the past and it didn’t work. Outside of these conditions, this outcome seems inevitable and has caused me to avoid male friends to a certain extent altogether. What your friend did is a great example of ‘just because they’re a good friend doesn’t mean they’re a good partner’, since clearly he’s rather pursue his crushes under the guise of friendship. It was wrong towards you, deceitful to you and his wife, he just really messed up and honestly I think owes you an apology. In any case though you made the right choice, because what kind of friend would do what he’s done? Not a genuine person I can say that much.

[Asker]

What’s the case had I flirted with him too and gave him the impression that I was attracted to him? Not that I did, but just wondering how it would change perspective.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean even if you flirted back, it doesn’t take away from not wanting to contribute to his wife’s insecurities. Hypothetically speaking it would change my opinion about other aspects though. Like if you were flirting with him, it would take your relationship from innocent and platonic to trifling on both ends. It would also make sense that he’s ignoring you when his wife is around, because he doesn’t want to get caught up. Plus if the flirting could lead to something else like hooking up, and he wasn’t a faithful partner, then it would make sense for him to sneak around, fueling the friendship without his wife’s knowledge because he wouldn’t want to jeopardize his opportunity to get laid. Aka being a cheater, which is so sadly common in this day and age.

[spartan55]

I think your grammar, sentence structure, and the overuse of acronyms make this practically unreadable. You are 36-45 years old? Kind of doubt that.

[Asker]

i told him i dont want to be in a position where you avoid saying to me when you are with your wife. basically, she's uncomfortable with our friendship, thinking it might lead on to something later. so i told him that if he knows she's not ok with the bounds of our friendship, then he's been using our friendship as a timepass until he knew shit would hit the fan. What do you think of what I said?

[spartan55]

Pretty fair. Maybe she didn't know much about your friendship before (or anything) and then found out about it recently. If that's the case then you owe him an apology.

[Asker]

i'm the one who owes him an apology? How so?

[spartan55]

Because if she just found about your friendship then he wasn't using you for a timepass or anything else.

[Asker]

Apparently she knew about it a few months ago and told him she didn’t feel ok about it and he continued pursuing this friendship.

[spartan55]

Okay, then you are justified I would say.

[spartan55]

Why does a married man have a 'bff' to begin with. Stupid.

[Sasha0426]

@spartan55 Are you suppose to get rid of your friends after getting married?

[spartan55]

@sasha0426
No, but some may have to change.