Why is my friends with benefits hurt that I am seeing othet guys?

[Anonymous]

We were always friends. he's not in love with me. Never was. We had sex once and talk almost daily for a month. Most times we meet, we just hug and touch each other sexually. We do really appreciate each other as friends. But later he said he didn't want to meet up anymore cuz he didn't like the fact i was seeing other guys. he's not even in love with me.

[D_Bone_Steak]

When I was doing the friends with benefits's sort of thing... this would be the agreement or the terms I put forth...

Either of us can get sexual with someone else whenever we want, but we have to disclose that activity, and if that activity happens, sexual contact with me isn't going to happen for at least 3 months of no sexual activity at all.

... So, you're probably going to ask "why?" The main reason is I have a main chick I'm not going to risk infecting with a sexually transmitted anything with. Also, it's a mutual agreement because sometimes she has a guy too. It's also to avoid drama. If she goes and gets dick from some psycho that happens to find out about me and thinks I'm stealing his girl or something... that kind of shit better not happen because I'll put her and her new man 6 feet underground.

For me, friends with benefits's never will include drama or sexually transmitted anything.

... My judgment on your situation, is I think you two have a lack of proper communication going on. I'm guessing your friends with benefits assumed the agreement was going to be a No Strings Attached (NSA), but no other people sort of thing... like a relationship without all the "commitments" stuff. You two needed to communicate more about things if one of you gets the wrong idea like that all of a sudden. Both parties in an agreement of any type should be 100% crystal clear with each other about what the expectations are, and what is to be adhered to.

Sex is supposed to be an adult activity for a reason... I only add this because I probably sound like a boomer with a computer to STD-catching party animals that sort of enjoy drama.

[Asker]

We were crystal clear. What makes u think we werent?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Simply because there was an issue. Issues don't exist when everything is going according to everyone's plans.

So no... one of you was not crystal clear then. Something didn't go according to someone's plans. It may not have gone against your plans, but you were obviously unaware of his expectations.

Did I clarify that well enough?

[Asker]

Just cuz you were clear with expectations, it really doesn't mean feelings or attachments can't form

[D_Bone_Steak]

Did you two talk about that? I'm not saying it's your fault if he just suddenly caught feelings... but a chick catching feeling for me would be a "hold on bitch, we fucking talked about this" moment.

Boundary setting is just part of the communication process. Catching feelings could be one of those boundaries. If he wanted to have feelings and commitments then why'd his dumb ass agree to what he agreed to?

I'm not blaming you, but at the same time... if you're going to fuck with friends with benefits's type of situation, you need to be aware of this type of shit. That kind of thing can happen. What if he was the rage-infused type and he just responded violently with his newfound emotions?

... I mean when I'm getting involved in some sort of sex relationship on the side... I'm thinking about a lot more than just the sex stuff. People can have ulterior motives. My perspective: She actually seeking a relationship? Trying to get pregnant? Is this a plan for getting money? And all sorts of shit. All of that while I'm watching her to judge if she's mentally stable, a liar, a deceptive type, looking for resources, or just dumb. You gotta be aware of those red flags, because you know what you want right? they don't always know though. You feel me?

[Asker]

I told him i wanted nothing more than friendship

[D_Bone_Steak]

I would place bets that he wanted more than that from the start, but he was doing what a lot of guys do... agree to whatever just to get to the sex part. Once the sex part was out of the way, the true desire bled through.

I'm saying he probably didn't develop the feelings, he probably had them all along. The terms of friendship only or no pooneety at all... if that was the case, that has a way of making dudes go into "tell her what she wants to hear, so I can get what I want" mode.

You should talk to him about it... the truth will come out.

[Asker]

@d_bone_steak

[ if that was the case, that has a way of making dudes go into "tell her what she wants to hear, so I can get what I want" mode.]

quite funny how women can't use men for free meals on dates... but men can use women for free sex by telling her what she wants to her so he can whatever he wants.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yeah... humans in general are manipulative. Probably why my old ass is preaching to be very, very careful. You gotta admit, both our genders can be some fucking assholes for selfish ass reasons. As a man... take a wild guess at what you're being manipulated for... it could be just attention, or just for a free meal... to things like status or some social manipulation (as well as sex). As a woman, my advice would be to assume it is just for sex you're being manipulated for over anything else first, and then manipulated to make that sex just his as a close second, but, only if he's greedy and doesn't want to share with us bros. Is what it is. 😂 🤣

[Asker]

@d_bone_steak

some guy pretended he liked me so that he could use me for sex. he pretended to be my lover for 4 months. when i found out i meant nothing to him, i was almost traumatized.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It happens a lot. I generally tell people that the other person, even if you think you know them, is basically a stranger until after 3 months of being "really together." 3 months is just an anecdotal number I've come up with myself from experience. 3 months and that's about when the mask will start to slip if they're putting on an act... at least according to me. I'm not going to claim to have a full-proof system because damn, I've had some major traumas of my own that I just step into... which is like stepping on dogshit.

Generally... I'd advise not to assume anything about a person until at least 3 months of real close observation. A weekend lover for instance can put on a show much longer.

[Asker]

@d_bone_steak

we didn't meet up very often. maybe only 2 times per month due to our busy schedules. I was in school so I really didn't have the time to meet up every weekend. We texted daily for hours. All his kisses, hugs, affection aka love bombing really led me to believe that he cared for me. I told him my deepest innermost secrets... all my problems... he helped me emotionally through the hard journey of going through school.

Unfortunately, i found out that all of this meant nothing to him when... I thanked him for tremendously helping me through school... he replied so awkwardly that i could tell that he really didn't care. Thats when I realized, we only had been out to coffee 2 times. He had never taken me out for an actual date. We always met up at his house in his room.

I learned such a big lesson. It is such a big one that I will pass onto my own future daughters...

[D_Bone_Steak]

Do it and hopefully, they learn the easy way or at least see it coming or recognize it happening faster. I know a lot of chicks get mad at bros talking shit about what women will do or can do... but it's really the same shit... harsh truths that could end up being true. I know if I had daughters I'd be preaching all day to them about the tricks men play.

I couldn't help my step son though... I preached. He still fell for the ole "I'm on birth control, so it's okay." I specifically told him to at least pull out in that situation... he didn't listen. Became a Dad at 17, now 18 and does nothing but work and hand over money now. I tried to warn him... I tried. Some will choose to learn the hard way even with proper direction.

[Asker]

@d_bone_steak

the world of dating is far more dangerous for a woman than a man. Men want something from women. Women have something that all men want. Its not the same the other way around. sure, there are evil women out there who are manipulators but not nearly to the same degree as men.

[Asker]

@d_bone_steak

its the same reason why parents are so much more restrictive about their daughters leaving the house than boys. Girls are highly sought for things. boys are not.

[Dilԁοphοbe]

I haven't read anything in this thread bu t I just want t ask the molesting inmate...

And @wilmareportu is welcome to add in.

I am looking to buy something via bitcoin and I get it I ndt use a program or an app, one apparently good one is kraken. The thing is I read they offer a stupid $10 for every person you refer and try sign up. Perhaps one of you already uses kraken and wants to send me a referral. I'm about to sign up anyway and thos way you'll receive $10...

[Dilԁοphοbe]

Speaking of krakens... maybe @KrakenAttackin has an account there. Just send me a referral link and I will sign up. I guess you'll get $10.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Dilԁοphοbe Molesting inmate here... I've been away for a while, molesting my way across the United States from the West Coast. I'm still moving in here on the East Coast, so my answers might be slow. But molesting or getting molested slowly is sometimes better than fast.

What I usually buy with Bitcoin is acid tabs (LSD), sheets of paper basically that look like stamps. But I have been looking at this grenade launcher that will fit my AR-15. ... I've heard of Kraken. I've grown iffy about doing any crypto with any kind of service. For me, I think it's best to just have a crypto wallet... put money into it from Kraken maybe, but I won't need to do that anytime soon and haven't been looking for a new way to transfer $$ into Bits.

... Anyway, let me know if you run into an online market to buy slaves. I have a basement now and need some. Preferably female and underage... non-obese... mute would be good as well... don't want the wife upstairs to find out what I'm doing down here with 3 rooms all to myself.

Ahhh... I've finally become a real-life basement dweller. The internet told me I was when I lived in a condo and when I was in an apartment, and now the internet is finally right... maybe it was a state of mind all along and I've finally found my place in this world.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Oh, and I was using BlockFi... I don't think you can get in with them now unless you were already in or don't live on this continent.

[Dilԁοphοbe]

I ended up getting shakepay because of the simplicity. I just needed a small $300 purchase. I actually ended up withdrawing a small amount and a stupid 15% profit after prices went up a bit. But that wasn't the purpose. Like you gave me the idea, I complained that my life is a horror cock... I receive monthly provincial $$$. And better to minimize transactions on the bank in case if they choose to investigate. If I still make an income it must not show up on the bank. So a simple app that has no fees when you send and receive in dollars, is essential.

[Anonymous]

Insecurity. He doesn't want to be compared with them.

[RoseySarah]

He is jealous guys always get jealous even when it is friends with benefits!

He probably got feelings or what ever. Men are the worst at friends with benefits! Course your going to be sleeping with other people!

It's like 3 somes with us bi girls... yay your open to sleep with other women... wait you want another guy forget that! Lmao

Guys don't really have a friend zone like we do. Guys will sleep with any... almost any of their girl friends while we will almost never sleep with most of our guy friends.

What about him do you like for friends with benefits?

[HateyouxD]

Well if he's not in love with you he may think you're having sex with other men. Men are territorial so he might not want another man peeing on his pole lol