Why would my coworker (39yo male) all of a sudden begin ignoring me, going as far as to disregard work related emails?

[Anonymous]

When I first started with the office, my coworker and I would talk on the phone daily. We would Snap on occasion, consult with each other on work related issues, and generally vent to each other. Over the past month he started to become a little more distant but was still responsive until two weeks ago. At that point he has completely stopped responding to any method of communication. He has not answered work related to emails, or any of my attempts to reach out to determine what happened to cause the relationship to turn south. I’m at a loss as I feel like I lost a reliable friend and I cannot figure out what would have caused the deterioration.

Updates

6 mo

There have not been any disagreements or arguments between us. We’ve always been very agreeable and professional, even had inside jokes. We are both married as well if that makes a difference. I have tried reaching out to figure out what happened because it has been so sudden and abrupt but I have received no response.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that is weird that he's totally ghosting you out of nowhere. A few things could be goin on:

- He might have got in trouble for using work stuff for personal chatting or something and has to cut that off now. Some bosses ain't cool with it.

- Possibly something happened on his end that's got him preoccupied and he ain't handling it well. Family stuff, relationship drama, who knows.

- Could be he accidentally snapped at you about something and now feels awkward. Or thinks you might be mad at him for whatever reason even if you're not.

- Some guys just suck at communication. Maybe he's bad at confrontations and is avoiding it by not responding at all.

My advice would be don't take it personal. Send him one more polite, casual message like "Hey everything alright? Haven't heard from you in a while.” If he still leaves you on read, then oh well.

Focus on work stuff only from now on if you gotta interact. And maybe find a new buddy at the office so you're not left hanging if he keeps up the silent treatment. His problem not yours! On to the next one.

[Asker]

Thank you. It’s just extremely disappointing as we were on the same wavelength and it seemed like a great friendship to just randomly lose with no warning. If we had a fight or something, I could close this chapter with no issue. But I have been stressing and worrying over it, hence seeking the advice of strangers on the internet. 😅

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, that's totally understandable. It would be eating at me too if a friend just straight up dropped me with no explanation. Not knowing what happened makes it hard to move on.

A few more things you could try:

- See if any other coworkers want to grab a beer after work. Maybe subtly ask if they've noticed him being off lately.

- Check if he's active on any social media. If so, you could send a private message just being like "dude wtf?" and see if he responds there if he won't at work

- Give it another week then slip a nice note on his desk being like "hey man, hope everything's ok. Hit me up if you want to talk." That shows you're still open without being too pushy

But you're right, seeking outside perspectives helps. And try not to stress too much - his weird behavior says more about him than you. You seem like a loyal friend. If he comes around, cool. If not, his loss. You'll find your people who don't flake for no reason. Just hang in there!

[Avicenna]

Maybe there was some sort of misunderstanding of something you did

[In_Trance]

You must have done something

[Anonymous]

Did you upset him?