Guys, Would you be more scared/intimidated to approach your crush if you found out that she was desired by many men?

Question

Even if she was rather reclusive and not flirty

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

"Scared" or "Intimidated" are not the right words.
It is simply more of a "What's the point in bothering to try?"

This explains it...
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If you Google "Beautiful Girl Syndrome", that's basically saying that beautiful girls can be bitchier and high maintenance because guys are willing to put up with more because she is so beautiful. Guys won't put up with so much shit and work if the girl isn't so attractive.

"Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type II" is a phrase I coined, but it's a real thing I discovered not quite 40 years ago. This will take some time to explain...

All guys need to feel that they can "win". They view things something like a competition in which there is some goal that they want to achieve. If a guy wants something and he believes that there is SOME possibility that he may get it, he will get emotionally involved. If he begins to believe that he won't get that, then he begins to withdraw and get emotionally detached. However, sometimes a guy doesn't even think he has a chance, so he doesn't bother...

And this is where "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type II" comes in. If a girl is really beautiful, a regular guy thinks:
1. There are a zillion other guys who want her.
2. She almost certainly already has a boyfriend.
3. There is no way she'd be attracted to me; I am not anything special.
4. If she did date me, she'd dump me for some better-looking guy who will hit on her and there definitely will be such a guy.
5. She's going to be bitchy and high-maintenance. (In other words, he's thinking she suffers from normal Beautiful Girl Syndrome.)

So, he basically thinks that 1) he doesn't have a chance to get her, 2) if he did, he'll lose her, and 3) she's going to be a lot of work.

Because oceans of guys think like this - the only exception being the hunky guys - the beautiful girl either can't find a guy or goes with dickhead hunky guys (who suffer from Beautiful Guy Syndrome). Of course, the regular guys see the beauties with the hunky guys and that just reinforces their belief that they don't have a chance...

Oh, and one more thing: Since the beautiful girls can get guys, they are getting laid... So, any new boyfriend has to "compete" against all of her past lovers and many guys don't think they are going to "measure up" (if you know what I mean) compared to those past hunky guys.

Understand?

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

Not in the least. First of all, meeting women is a numbers game. If you want to meet a stunningly attractive woman you need to talk to stunningly attractive women. ( I assume that the woman in your scenario is physically attractive because that’s what attracts the vast majority of men. Not income, or fame, or status, but rather looks. )

Also, when you realize that if she’s not interested it has almost nothing to do with you as a person, but rather you aren’t her type there there is zero fear of rejection. She’s looking for a different kind of man - no sweat, I wasn’t it. Better go meet more women until I find that one that’s into me, as her type.

If I was on some “bachelor” reality show with 100 women I could legit work myself down to half that in two episodes and the remaining group down to 5 within a few more episodes. Why? Most people won’t be my type. (Or this girls type in your scenario). I could dismiss a wide swath of the women outright simple because I don’t like tall women, or blondes, or tattoos, or whatever. It’s not a personal snub - just looking for what I’m into. There is no intimidation in that to me. In fact, there is kind of a rush and a bit of a thrill to low-success rate tasks so I would simply view this as that and have fun with it.

MrOracle · Answer

Any woman that I'm going to find attractive is going to be attractive to other men, and this is literally the norm for virtually all men. For that reason, this never even crosses a man's mind, because it's irrelevant. We all know the answer, so there is no point in worrying about it.

Remember too that men have two completely separate types of attraction that happen to occasionally overlap: SEXUAL attraction and RELATIONSHIP attraction. The former is far more common and the bar is far, far lower than for the latter.

Too many women don't understand the difference and assume all attraction at least has the potential for a relationship, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Most attention women receive from men is exclusively sexual attention, with zero chance of a relationship - and the more desirable the man to women generally, the smaller the chances of getting a relationship from that man. The most desired men have the least motivation to commit to one woman, and in the rare instance that he does, she is usually a 10/10 across the board - a fit, beautiful model and chef who wants to stay at home and have kids.

The women that men don't approach (except for casual sex) are the career-focused boss babes who think they're going to wait until their mid-30s to settle down. And it isn't because men are intimidated, it's because those women have literally one thing to offer a man, and he doesn't need to commit to get it.

dynamicyandere · Answer

How other people act around her wouldn’t matter.

It’s how she acts that matters. I’d look past the social constructs and social pressures and decide how I feel about her based on her.

Also, I’m not intimidated by other men. If I’m attracted to a girl, that’s between me and her.

If she’s not overly flirtatious and she has high standards for who she dates, that’s a good thing (assuming she meets high standards herself).

Why make yourself available to men who don’t meet your standards, right?

For me it’s always quality > quantity as well.

A girl that attracts a lot of mediocre guys is no threat at all.

A girl that attracts a lot of high quality guys would just make the competition more challenging.

But I don’t shy away from a challenge.

If I want to be with someone, I don’t care how tough the challenge is.

Anonymous · Answer

LMFAO! Okay, so with guys we don't need to "find out" if our crush is desired by many men. It's super obvious. If she's a 10 or 9 she's going to be desired by pretty much EVERY guy. If she's an 8, only guys in serious relationships or super high value guys would not desire her. Etc. etc. In other words, you know just by seeing how she looks, how widely desired she is.

Now I understand why this may come as a surprise, since when girls are considering guys, you may NOT know how desired they are by other women. You DO need to "find out" as it will have to do with less observable things, like their personality, their popularity, etc., etc.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Honestly I tend to lose interest. Someone with that many options will never permanently settle down and it’s probably going to end up more drama than it’s worth.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

I wouldn’t think so. I mean, I’m pretty demanding and wouldn’t desire someone who wasn’t pretty special, and then it would be pretty obvious to others as well.

Unit1 · Answer

Not really. I assess my chances of success to half for each man that wants her. No high hopes.

Amiapowerlessman · Answer

No, there’s nothing wrong with approaching your crush if other men like her, just make sure you are the one that stands out to her

Anonymous · Answer

Nope. I will stand from the rest. Even being a bit overweight. I am not like 98% of the men out there.

Joker_ · Answer

I would be scared to approach a woman if she was desired by @Worst

boggboss · Answer

Yeah that would put guys off if they where shy

SotiCoto · Answer

Her opinion is the one that matters.

Anonymous · Answer

No, that has not stopped me in the past.

jahaims · Answer

Nope..

SUMAIREBRAHIM · Answer

Nope... Obviously

Guys, Would you be more scared/intimidated to approach your crush if you found out that she was desired by many men?

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Guys, Would you be discouraged if you saw many men flirting and approaching your crush and checking her out?

Guys, Would you be more scared/intimidated to approach your crush if you found out that she was desired by many men?

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Guys, Would you be discouraged if you saw many men flirting and approaching your crush and checking her out?

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