Firstly, I know it’s dumb. It is what it is, you live and you learn.
I basically saw this hot guy and at an event but never got to talk to him, we were flirting & holding strong eye contact throughout the event and in the next event he tried looking around the room to find me. Unfortunately for us it was with men and women separate & we never got to see each other or talk. We were in our mid teens so yeah.
I never really felt anything that sort of chemistry before. I didn’t know his name but I did end up finding him through looking into mutual people we know & their friends list on FB. When I recognised him I found his name & from there a quick google search and his other socials were available. His Twitter included his insta so I got my friend to add his insta just so I could learn more about him.
Note that this 3 years after I saw him as I was in relationships in between but often thought of him when I was lonely.
I added him on my friends account, I found out he had a girlfriend so nothing came of it. There was no interaction on either account apart from him watching my friend stories. After a while I blocked and unblocked on his account so my friend or his account were no longer following each other. Now one day I’m walking into town and I feel a strong gaze on me, and I know some dude is watching me. I look up & see him, I think he was confused on if it was me or not because it’s been a few years. So he was being very intense. I purposely ignored him as I didn’t recognise him right away & it was uncomfortable. I waited for him to look away and when he did I sneaked a glance & it was him. At this point he’s looking at my friend and he recognises her after a few seconds and turns his head away from us & looked pretty damn angry. He also told his brother who often stares at me and used to give me side eyes.
So why is it a huge deal? He didn’t know my friend but still followed her and accepted her and there were other people he didn’t know either on his insta.
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Have no clue. You didn't do anything offensive.
And I would be awe struck if a girl was stalking me in a such way.
Yeah I don't know. His brother gives me weird looks too, and I know he looked shocked and then offended and mad when he found out. I know it’s related to this for his brother because before that his brother didn’t care for my existence but ever since that encounter his bro just watches me from a distance and listens in on stuff. He used to give me side eyes but that stopped eventually
Welp it's only gonna get solved by trying to talk or moving on.
Yeah but it doesn’t look like they’d be very welcoming, and it’s difficult to just move on from the situation because I’ll always see his brother every now and then.
Hmm I get that. You have one strong sense of feelings to someone the best way to end that is always by a clean cutoff, but another way is distractions so I don't know keep trying to find someone else to feel this way for.
I wish I just got answers. It’s so tricky when so much has happened but no one’s has really spoken to the other… like ever. Just a bunch of assumptions and bull
Some answers aren't satisfying or make no sense anyway so I wouldn't stress on it. Plenty of answers I want to from certain people but eh will never get them.
It just doesn’t make sense to me, I know he was into me on the first and second encounter. I would bet my life on that because that’s how obvious it was. I just don’t understand why he reacted that way and even if he didn’t like me, how did it get to this? Anyway thanks for your response. I know you can’t do much apart from tell me it’s best to move on. I just don’t know how it got so out of hand
It's true I can't lol. No worries I hope it gets better :)
Thank you. I’ve got so much different advice on here and some people are hopeful that he has feelings and others are not, but not many are as blunt snd straight to the point as the advice I got today. I guess it just depends on how I write something out really, but only one person knows the truth and it’s just so annoying to deal with
All stems from personal experience does that and I am for sure just straight to the point so thank you I take that as a good compliment.
Do you mind if I ask you one more thing? About the last time I saw him? I would appreciate your advice since you’re pretty straight forward. I don’t know if fine as long as it’s your honest opinion.
Go ahead :)
Ok so the last time I saw him it was a very quick encounter from a distance and his reaction was strange again so I just wanted to share it with you.
The last time I saw him it was in a shop and he was with another girl now. He was in a shop and I had just walked in and looked up to see him walking behind a girl on the top floor. There’s a huge glass panel there so I can see the top floor and they can see where I am. He stopped to see the downstairs view. The girl walked on out of sight. So he was looking where I was but the other side of the room and scanning the area and then started walking on to follow the girl but still had his head turned looking at the downstairs.
He then finally saw me as he was about to turn his head to look forward but then did a double take when he saw me and instantly slowed down to then stop and turn around to my direction and then walk a few steps forward to sit down closer to the glass panel (kind of in as position of doing hour shoe laces) to get a better view of me. He was holding eye contact with me the whole time as I was watching him too. He then got up as if someone had called him and walked away talking to the girl and walking out of sight where she went. I then get the heck out of there.
Not sure if this is meant to be positive or negative but I would like your opinions over his reaction to seeing me
Not exactly sure tbh. Maybe it's just your attractive and he wanted an excuse to look at you. But it sounds like he's pre-occupied with another girl. Or he's just wondering what you are doing.
Either way if he's off doing things with another girl he hasn't got time for you.
I know he wanted to make sure if it was me, but yeah I don’t know if it was because there’s some attraction there or if I’m just a weirdo.
I don’t want his attention if he’s with other girls but I guess I just want to know if I have a chance in the future if it works out. Or if there’s no hope then I can just move on for good, but it does somewhat seem like he gives somewhat of a damn when I’m around him (which isn’t much).
I don’t even know if he’s still with that girl. But it is what it is.
Well I can for sure tell he thinks it's weird. Can't say about the attraction though. I just think your too hanged up on the idea of him and it working out somehow in the future when that future can be a long wait that never happens. You've already lost some years to this guy.
I for sure just recommend trying to get a new crush, be a weirdo to someone else haha you may have more luck.
I haven’t lost any years lol, I was in a relationship up until 2021 and he’s not my best friend. 2021 was a while ago but my point is I haven’t been stuck on him, it’s more about lingering thoughts that creep up when I don’t have anyone in my life.
Ok, so he may think I’m weird. I’m assuming this is the encounter we are talking about last time and not just the whole social media situation?
The future because I have ties to him like his brother so likes he’s around my circle and I keep seeing him in public places as he does live in the same city. I’m not sitting there waiting for him, but I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it is just being hung up on him but it just seems different to me. I still have some weird hope that we can sort it out and if he didn’t want to talk he wouldn’t acknowledge me in the first place, even when he is clearly occupied and busy.
Now* my best friend
Ah well that's better, but still think you would feel better if you just didn't have the hang up in the first place but sounds like you don't want it to be gone so that's up to you really. I hope either way it works out for you.
It depends on my mood and I’ve been in my head a lot… I have untreated ADD so once I do let my thoughts get lost I really will go full on but eventually I will come out again. It just seems to be a cycle while I can’t get answers and yeah, a part of me wants to just see it through. Even when I feel like I’m over it. I can’t help but feel how I feel just because we honestly had a crazy amount of chemistry in the first and second meeting and I guess I’m unsure if the last encounter was some of that chemistry again or just something else with how things took a turn. Thanks for your help.
It just sucks when you had no ill intent but he worked it out that you were interested in his social media and it’s ended up with you looking like a clown.
I get a bit obsessive myself so I get it totally. And yeah that does suck, I am guessing he's normal so he don't have that obsessiveness in him otherwise you two would of been together much earlier and avoid such issues.
I guess so. I mean he did literally try and scan the room to find me in the second encounter because I didn’t go to one of the events I was expected to attend due to a family member being in hospital. The next event I went to I was looking for him but spotted him before he did me. He was looking around the room for someone as well and stopped when he saw me. I won’t go into all details from there but he eventually had to leave after 15 mins because it was men and women separate. I didn’t even see him go, I got busy and before I knew it he was gone but it’s whatever. Next time I see him would have been when he saw me and my friend together.
So I don't know, he really has reacted everytime I saw him in some way. It’s not like he’s ever been nonchalant and ignored me like I meant nothing. But yeah all I’m doing is speculating and it’s painfully annoying. I hope to get answers one day. Thanks for your help honestly, I’ve enjoyed conversing with you
I have enjoyed so with you too. It's clear you have a lot of thoughts about him and it's good to get them out and I can only imagine how annoying it is for you to have all that rattling in your brain.
it’s not a huge deal. who knows?
Do you think it’s because he’s no longer attracted to me and found it gross that I wanted to be linked to him? Or like looking to find out more about him through friends?
Or was it just that he was caught off guard maybe and was shocked? He was clearly shocked when he turned his head, he had a shocked face but then looked really angry after
well, i hate to say—he could be a complex person. i myself might look embarrassed, but anger is a little different. it sounds like you’re not in a situation where you can really ask him? i would take it as a negative though. he basically knows you like him? so he is totally free to make a move if he wants
Is it that obvious? O_o. I mean I know I made it obvious years ago but is it still obvious now? I guess that’s a silly question. I’m a bit hurt that he would react that way and his brother gives me weird looks. Like what’s the issue? It was innocent. Unless they just think I’m a loser and look down on me for it?
Sorry. I know you said he was complex and it’s a negative. I didn’t expect it to be this obvious to everyone but then why react this way? It’s just lead me to more questions.
No I wouldn’t reach out to him now especially. I did see him once after this encounter but I’m still really confused with everything that happened on the one I’ve described.
The last time I saw him it was in a shop and he was with another girl now. He was in a shop and I had just walked in and looked up to see him walking behind a girl on the top floor. There’s a huge glass panel there so I can see the top floor and they can see where I am. He stopped to see the downstairs view. The girl walked on out of sight. So he was looking where I was but the other side of the room and scanning the area and then started walking on to follow the girl but still had his head turned looking at the downstairs.
He then finally saw me as he was about to turn his head to look forward but then did a double take when he saw me and instantly slowed down to then stop and turn around to my direction and then walk a few steps forward to sit down closer to the glass panel (kind of in as position of doing hour shoe laces) to get a better view of me. He was holding eye contact with me the whole time as I was watching him too. He then got up as if someone had called him and walked away talking to the girl and walking out of sight where she went. I then get the heck out of there.
It still doesn’t tell me much about what’s going on. It could have been negative attention again. I know the easiest thing to do is ask but I don’t want to be embarrassed again by him, ever.
i hate to say it but it doesn’t sound like he’s into you. the good news is you don’t seem to really know him—just a crush. get curious about other guys and chat with them. let yourself take some time to get over it, but you will get over it soon
Why didn’t it sound like he was into me from the last time I saw him? I mean he did react. To me it seems like it could be either positive or negative but there’s nothing to go by to say it’s positive so I won’t be delusional over it. But I caught his eye?
Yeah I’ve been in other relationships, this is something that haunts me because I see his brother every now and then so it’s hard to forget. I don’t really think about it when I’m occupied with another person but when I’m single I do start to think about it again since it’s kind of unfinished business
because usually if i guy knows a girl’s into him and he likes her, he’ll do something about it. if you need closure, you will need to get it from him. the second option is moving on.
i should add you can get closure yourself by letting go of needing to know why. i have wasted a lot of my life trying to interpret signs. with the women that actually wanted to be with me, there was never a need to interpret
He didn’t know my social media, my social media is very difficult to find because of issues I have with my dads family and contacting me.
The only thing he could do really is ask his bro about me and it looks like they did have some sort of conversation. When I did see him in person he did stop and do a double take to see me?
I don’t always care this much, it just depends on what’s happening with my life. But not knowing and having this situation stand still does bother me. I’ve spoken to family and they’ve said to just leave it
i understand what it’s like. we all have to learn to sit with the unknown. it’s not easy, and it will be uncomfortable for a little while. see what what is out there.
You didn’t really explain why you believe it’s likely it was bad attention when I saw him in the shop? Sorry if I’m being annoying but I did want to hear your perspective on it
i’m kind of confused. did he know you were stalking him on social media?
Yeah but that was an encounter from before on my question details when I was with my friend. The last time I saw him (he would have been aware of the situation since this was after the fact) was in a shop and I’ve talked about that scenario in previous comments under this thread. I just wanted to hear your feedback on his reaction to seeing me the last time I saw him. I saw him a few years after he found out about social media, his brother still watches me and tries to listen in in my convos. Nothing much has really changed apart from the fact that his brother doesn’t give me weird looks, but still watching at times.
This one:
The last time I saw him it was in a shop and he was with another girl now. He was in a shop and I had just walked in and looked up to see him walking behind a girl on the top floor. There’s a huge glass panel there so I can see the top floor and they can see where I am. He stopped to see the downstairs view. The girl walked on out of sight. So he was looking where I was but the other side of the room and scanning the area and then started walking on to follow the girl but still had his head turned looking at the downstairs.
He then finally saw me as he was about to turn his head to look forward but then did a double take when he saw me and instantly slowed down to then stop and turn around to my direction and then walk a few steps forward to sit down closer to the glass panel (kind of in as position of doing hour shoe laces) to get a better view of me. He was holding eye contact with me the whole time as I was watching him too. He then got up as if someone had called him and walked away talking to the girl and walking out of sight where she went. I then get the heck out of there.
What do you think about his reaction to seeing me? This was the last time
i don’t know. nothing that’s happened has really been substantial and you don’t really know the guy
I didn’t say it was substantial I just wanted your opinion. I have a feeling you didn’t want to read it but that’s fine.
sorry it’s just hard to say but i think you may be reading too much into things. i can’t one for sure though
I’m not though? How is it normal that someone sits down to get a good look at you?
Anyone would ask about that because it’s not typical behaviour. I’m simply putting the facts together to draw a conclusion because I can’t talk to them directly about how they feel. Anyway thanks for your contribution
my point is this may lead you nowhere but only continue your pain
It's creepy
Majority of men I’ve spoken to have said they wouldn’t find that creepy. That it’s difficult for women to creep them out unless they actually did something mental, and this situation wouldn’t cut it. Unless he just wasn’t into me, that would explain a lot.