I have a male friend I've known for nearly 16 years. We talk about anything and everything, and have always been close.
The last time I visited him he was different. First he was giving me a million compliments but then, at his place, he was teasing me and grabbed my butt and called me sassy tush. Then, while we were watching a movie he started playing with my pants and tracing the design of them on my thigh. He also asked me to an event with him. One night I went out and slept on his couch and he said he was surprised and kinda thought I'd sleep with him. After I got home, I tried mild flirting. I didn't even know what I felt, I just kinda went with it. He got a bit awkward and said we're just friends. We still stayed close after that.
Recently I apologized for the way I acted that trip. I also explained that the whole trip just felt off. I said I feel like that's when we got a bit less close and that I feel like I made a mess of things. He said it probably did affect the friendship but enough time has gone by that it's in the past. He also said "you didn't mess things up. Don't worry." He's also put hearts on my messages, we've been texting regularly for about a month now, he tells me I can confide in him, reaches out to see me when he's home, always lifting me up in hugs, etc. I've realized that I now have some actual feelings. I'm not exactly sure what that looks like, and it scares me. I also now know I didn't have feelings back then. I don't ever remember feeling this way. It's just so natural between us.
What do I make of this? Why would he act that way and then say just friends? He's a really good guy and really respectful. This was really out of character for him. I just feel like a bad friend for developing feelings.
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Try and take things further. See where it goes. I think he likes you.
Why did he say just friends then when he first started flirting? That's what I don't get. I also feel terrible about now having feelings.
Why feel bad about having feelings for him? Nothing wrong with that. You've been pretty close to him. I don't know why he said just friends, but I think he'd be flattered if he knew how you feel about him, and you shouldn't feel bad about your feelings. Sometimes we fall for people at a distance. Happens to everyone I think. Like it's happened to me more than once.
What about the way he's acted? Am I wrong to think that's more than friendly behavior?
You're not wrong. I would think he likes you. Like he put hearts in his messages. What does he expect you to think? I would only do that with a girl I like. Heart (should) mean love.
You've shared things. Honestly if he does that and it doesn't occur to him that most people would interpret this as affection, he's kind of thick.
I mean, grabbing my butt and the other things too. I just feel like that can't be seen as friendly. But if it's not flirting, then it's using me for benefits and I'd be really hurt. I've never known him to be that way, though.
I'm sorry, I didn't even take all that physical stuff into consideration.
You're right, if he doesn't reach out to you and doesn't show interest in you personally, then that was really not okay on his part.
No guy should do that unless he's serious and wants a deep relationship with you. I'm sorry, but sounds like just using you.
That's the most confusing part. He's not that way. He's the nicest guy and would give the shirt off his back. And my ex was the opposite of that, so I do have experience with narcissism and manipulation lol. I genuinely don't feel any of those vibes from him. It's just weird.
But he did what he did. Like honestly it was not all that nice of him. You sound a lot more emotionally wise than he is. Like you know what those things he did should most likely mean.
Well thank you, lol. I know that those actions are not platonic. They should either mean interested or wanting a casual hookup/to use. He's really not a mean-spirited person at all. I realize most people would say there friends/family are nice, but I'm not afraid to call out bs. This is bs, it just doesn't make sense with his personality. He's not controlling, manipulative, or narcissistic at all. And I've known the guy 16 years, I think I'd know by now, lol. It just doesn't add up.
You're right... I just think it's inconsiderate of your feelings. But maybe wait and see how things go, maybe it was just an awkward moment for him or something or he had a lot of things on his mind