Man online wants to meet me online and is serious about me and wants marriage, kids, and a house. He is also romantic and says he’s turned on. Why?

[Anonymous]

What does it mean?

[Mag-Man]

What it means is you are being lied to and taken advantage of because of your good nature.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but there are only a few reasons why a man would be proposing marriage to a stranger on the internet, and they are ALL major red flags.

We all long for the feeling of mutual desire and that is why you might be tempted to give into this man's claims, but I do urge you to snap out of it and focus on reality.

If he is truly that serious, then ask him to meet in person. If he is unwilling to fly over to you what makes you think he's willing to marry you?

[OlderAndWiser]

What do you mean he wants to meet you "online?" You are already exchanging DMs online, right?

[Asker]

I’m real life he wants to meet!

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you concerned about a guy who says he wants to marry you before he has even met you? Or has at least hiinted about that?

[Asker]

No …? It’s not like he vowed to marry me. We don’t live extremely far. He’s like the next state or something. He can always come by and really meet me. It’s not that weird?

[OlderAndWiser]

It's not unusual, but an expression of that level of interest, this early in the process, means

1. He is desperate and will settle for anyone who will have him;
2. He has a script in his head and he doesn't REALLY love; he just needs you to the act the role of his love interest;
3. he is desperate and clingy, and quickly chases away any girl who gets very close to him.

If you don't believe me, post a question asking about that very issue.

[Asker]

Maybe he’s clingy but why desperate? That’s a weird term to me. I have dealt with a clingy man before. It’s not that weird to me. Maybe most people just can’t handle that trait?

[Asker]

Also this implies I’m such a garbage human that no guy would ever easily see good traits in me and be serious about me soon. That’s a weird thing to think about someone.

[OlderAndWiser]

He has NEVER met you in person. He DOESN'T KNOW YOU.

You might be the coolest girl on the planet and the catch of the year, but he doesn't know anything about you so he can't be reacting to that. He is reacting to a fantasy in his head.

If you simply want to get mad at me for questioing this, perhaps you desperately want to believe this and are angry that anyone might try to take that away from you. If so, go learn a lesson the hard way. It's your choice.

[Asker]

You know nothing about a person after conversing with them for a day or two online? Yeah ok. I get immediate feelings about people based on how they walk or look in their eyes. If you want to pretend you are dumb and blind then go ahead.

[OlderAndWiser]

Someone can deceive you horribly online. It sounds like you are inexperienced and are preparing to get some experience.

[Danny_dan92]

And you haven’t even met in person yet? Kinda crazy

[Asker]

He says I make him feel warm and fuzzy

[Danny_dan92]

Wild

[Asker]

You don’t think I can make a man feel warm and fuzzy? Smh

[Danny_dan92]

You haven’t met in person yet….

[Asker]

Why would he say that if he doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy inside?

[Danny_dan92]

How much experience you have dating?

[Asker]

Not much lol but he’s like 38

[Danny_dan92]

That explains a lot

[Asker]

I mean it’s possible for a person to be serious and want a wife and like a girl right?

[Danny_dan92]

It’s just a bit too desperate and concerning for someone to want to marry and have kids with someone they haven’t even been around yet.

[Asker]

He has a really good job and car and lives alone. I’m sure he’s not desperate !!!

[Danny_dan92]

I bet

[Asker]

Lol. He sends me pics all the time he clearly has money

[Asker]

He’s not Ryan Goseling but he can’t be desperate

[Danny_dan92]

Right

[Asker]

Dude why are you being sarcastic?

[Danny_dan92]

You’re naive.

[Asker]

You don’t seem to think love can happen where you least expect it !

[Danny_dan92]

Are you interested cause he’s flexing his wealth/income? Cause sounds like you are, in that case. You aren’t in love with him, you’re in love with his assets.

And he wants you, so badly he’s talking about marrying you and having kids with you before even spending time with you. That’s desperate. If you don’t believe me, make a poll.

[Asker]

Maybe he just feels a connection? Why does it have to be desperation? Am I not worthy of a guy actually liking or seeing good qualities in me? :(

I didn’t say I’m with him for his assets! I am not materialistic.

[Danny_dan92]

The dude is legit having a mid life crisis… he’s nearing his 40’s and is alone.

Well you mentioned his money, car and good paying job when it was out of context….

[Asker]

Isn’t that what makes a man considered not desperate? I was just trying to defend him in any way against calling him desperate?
A mid life crisis? Does that mean he wouldn’t really want to marry me?

[Danny_dan92]

This conversation is going nowhere

[Asker]

You don’t seem to believe in love.

[mike5150]

If he is sincere than I suppose meeting him would be a good idea but please make sure you agree to meet first somewhere in public.

[exitseven]

It means you need to meet him in a very public place. It would not be crazy to have a gun either

[rachel776]

get the house first

[Asker]

So true ! Thanks

[rachel776]

[Asker]

So cute haha

[ChicoFromThe305]

Only one way to find out

[Asker]

I want to meet him. But people on this thread are calling him desperate and bad things and calling me an attention seeker for talking to him. I don’t get why people are so judgmental of me and him.

[ChicoFromThe305]

So doesn't it seem a bit odd that he said he was turned On? Like he's looking for something specific out of you.

[Asker]

Most men would try to get sex or nudes from a girl. That’s not surprising at all. I’d be more surprised if he wasn’t expressing any sexuality. Then I might wonder if he’s not attracted or gay?

[ChicoFromThe305]

That is a very simple minded way of looking at it, sex isn't the importance of a relationship, y'all both sound like bad material no lie so maybe it will work out, is say don't hold your breath tho

[Asker]

Why do I even come online for advice. So fucking negative and judgmental.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Do you want the truth or fed bullshit cause I can only do one of those things.

[Asker]

You don’t know anything about me or him yet you sit in your righteous throne as if you can see us all from above. Fucking idiot.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You are the one having guy issues and I'm the idiot, grow up child, you aren't a kid anymore, if you ask for advice, the least you can do is swallow it when it's not exactly what you want to hear, you haven't even met the person yet he can be baiting you online for all you know, if you let a man sexualized you because you believe it's normal to lust over another individual then by all means, it's your life, I'll still be sipping my coffee no matter if you get married or thrown onto a curb and abandoned, you gotta respect yourself more and he has to stop being such a damn pervert and start thinking with the proper head.

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s setting those expectations it’s likely he’s saying what he thinks you want to hear

[Asker]

What if he’s serious?

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s serious then it will happen in stages. Like most of that is way into the future. You first agree to meet and date to see if there is a vibe and then start to build up trust.

Have you met him irl?

[Asker]

He said he wants to ask me on the phone on a date. I’m just scared to talk on the phone lol

[BarryLiverstone]

If you are too scared to talk on the phone. Then keep texting until you feel safer

[Asker]

I think tomorrow I will feel safer

[BarryLiverstone]

When did you first meet online?

[Asker]

A day or so ago. He says he’s been wanting a serious woman and im a honest real woman and have a brain on my shoulders

[BarryLiverstone]

The fact that after a day he told you he is turned on.. that alone would be a red flag in my opinion. Unless were you and him flirting already?

[BarryLiverstone]

He can’t judge you are honest in a day

[Asker]

No but he explained to me that he’s been waiting to find a quality girl and he wants a serious relationship and he does not have sex casually so he’s horny cause it’s been a while and stuff like that. I can appreciate the honesty.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right if he’s being honest that’s ok. Still he didn’t need to say all that before he met you irl. It’s kinda implied that romantic feelings could happen

[Asker]

Oh he already calls me babe and says that he’s my man. I don’t mind. It’s not like we were going to pretend to be after friendship?

[BarryLiverstone]

After a day he’s not your man because you haven’t earned it. Eh babe seems like a common name anymore

[BarryLiverstone]

So like another guy said.. he’s love bombing you. Be careful, he’s trying to get you to be sexual online

[Asker]

I keep saying no to the sexy pic stuff. So do you think he might really meet me and marry me?

[Asker]

Yeah maybe he was joking when he said he’s my man

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s asked you to share sexy pics are you said no.. then respect says he shouldn’t be asking over and over. That’s already something you can judge him on to see if he listens to you

[BarryLiverstone]

Right he is def joking about being your man.. but he says it because if you two were dating for a year it’s what you would wanna hear

[Asker]

Okay? Don’t you think you’re being a little pessimistic? I don’t mind if a guy is a little pushy as long as he doesn’t rape or hurt me.

[BarryLiverstone]

You do your thing. Honestly I’ve love bombed in my past and trued to get nudes. I had to learn why that’s not acceptable and how that’s wrong. But you are an adult, if you like the attention he’s giving you then just stay safe.

I’m just saying much of the behavior you described isn’t making sense on the 2nd night texting a stranger if he honestly wants to get married.

[BarryLiverstone]

So yup, I’m prob pessimistic. You do you and I hope I’m wrong

[Asker]

How would a man act if he wants to get married to a stranger?

[Asker]

I don’t send nudes so it’s not like he’s going to get any. Do you have any lines I can tell him when he asks me for more pics?

[BarryLiverstone]

When he asks, just remind him sternly that you already said no and if he keeps asking you can not talk to him.

Or let him know porn is free online.

[BarryLiverstone]

If he wants to marry a stranger he’s going to take his time and start by learning more about her and wanting to meet irl. Until he meets her he can’t know how she will vibe with him. It’s just data collection

[Asker]

I see. Well maybe he has a strong intuitive feeling about me! It’s not like he can’t change his mind if we meet and he doesn’t feel the same way still.

And thank you for your tips.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Maybe you are enjoying the attention he’s giving and want to flirt. Nothing wrong with that

[Asker]

No I want a husband hello!

[BarryLiverstone]

Bonjour.. yep a lot of people wanna get married. I want a wife. Seems legit

[Asker]

Yep so I don’t think it’s weird if I want to talk to a man who wants me to be his wife? I have to meet him for this to be more real for me but I don’t see why people want to stop me in taking that step by calling him desperate or whatnot. Don’t most guys try to get sex or nudes even if they want to marry the girl?

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope. If a guy tried to get nudes the first week then 90% he’s not serious. When people get married and then friends ask later how they met the wife doesn’t usually say “we met online., he said he wanted a wife and then the next day demanded me send him a sexy shower pic. That’s when I knew he was the one!”

[Asker]

Lmao. He didn’t even ask for nudes. He said he wants cute or sexy pics. But there’s 10% chance he’s serious?

[BarryLiverstone]

Yup 10 %. he's only a state away? Go for it. Thanks for the questions

[Asker]

I don’t appreciate people judging me saying i want attention from him. First it’s like oh you don’t know each other how can he really like you then it’s like oh you just want to chat with him for attention. That makes zero sense.

[BarryLiverstone]

Everyone wants attention. That’s not judging, it’s human nature

[Asker]

Uh huh sure. Go judge someone else.

[BarryLiverstone]

Gladly. But you are being aggressive because you feel attacked by these answers. I’m just being honest and was trying to help you. You already thanked me. See ya :)

[Asker]

And you are being judgmental. You know nothing about me or him yet already have rude optimism’s to share as if you’re right. You’re arguing because you aren’t here to help you’re here to judge.

[BarryLiverstone]

Here to help and I already said where my judgement comes from. But it’s ok, you know nothing about me either

[ThrillSeeker01]

Sounds like he's moving pretty fast...

[Asker]

I don’t mind as long as he doesn’t try to fool me and hurt me

[ThrillSeeker01]

Well get to know him better irl before making any big commitments, maybe

[Asker]

For sure. I wasn’t going to vow anything online.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Well, it sounds like he's doing it because he likes what he knows about you.

[Asker]

I hope so. He says he does. He told me his dealbreakers and stuff too. He seems pretty serious. Some people might just know what they want before others?

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't have a true love it's not about Materialistic things

[Asker]

I don’t get your statement?

[Avicenna]

Sounds like love bombing. Moving way too fast.

[Asker]

I told him he’s not going slow like he said he would. He said he’s just too excited about me.

[serious_miss419]

You’re being gullible. Wake up

[nawtee_me]

It means he wants your money….

[OddBeMe]

He’s desperate and lonely. Be very careful.

[FenixG45]

Maybe you're at the start of something wonderful