Why would someone hide a mental breakdown from someone they are in a relationship with?

[Radiate143]

Have been a bit on and off with a guy. He was uber rude about a month ago and hung up in my face.

I sensed something mental was going on.

When I would ask if he was fine and ask are you sure you aren't having an emotional or mental issue because if not, I can only conclude that you are a rude and disrespectful person.

He would shut down the convo but not rudely.

He finally admitted (which I already knew) that he had a mental breakdown and pushed me away.

Before he was uber rude to me, I knew he was flipping because he kept changing his whatsapp photo to horses, cats and lions and I said "this guy is having a nervous breakdown".

Why resort to rudely pushing someone away instead of just saying I'm not feeling well?

[IslaTheWitch]

The reasons can be as many as many people who do that :D

But let's take a look:
Most men are raised to be strong and tough... there is no space for mental problems.
There could be a missing proper communication framework in the relationship, so he just didn't know how to say it and didn't sound awkward.
You are very important to him. So he wants to look good for you or can be afraid you will reject him if he proves to have mental problems.
And many other scenarios I can't even imagine.

Talk to him. Ask him what he needs to feel comfortable telling you about his struggles. Start to set up the communication framework.

Don't give up.

[Radiate143]

I may not be the be the best at dealing with thse situations but yesterday we had a back and forth.

It ended withvme saying let's be clear you aren't interested in continuing.

He took a loooong time to reply and give me a 👍. SonI called his bluff and said great we can end all this.

He waved good bye and some other stupid emojis.

Then he texted me again saying "delete my number".

So then I texted. We will sort this out face to face and talk soon. Then he replied with 😌

Which makes little sense.

[IslaTheWitch]

Talk to him, don't accuse him. Ask proper questions, don't throw your assumptions.

Proper communication has its requirements.

[Radiate143]

Well, he's ignoring me so...

[IslaTheWitch]

so maybe it is too late, or maybe he needs time or is just busy.

[Radiate143]

No. He just was playing me. I'm such a fool.

[Radiate143]

He's probably laighing at me.

[IslaTheWitch]

You are not helping yourself when you base on your assumptions. But it's your relationship and your life. And your consequences to bear

[Radiate143]

You're right. I had dated a guy who was seriously NPD and he never had extremes. He was always very calculated.

There was always that radar telling me he was fake.

With this one, when we're cool, it's obvious he's genuinely happy but then he will get angry and say stuff that's almost comical how opposite it is.

Then he will come back and he won't repeat the stuff that causes the issues. But if he feels rejected he just acts like this.

[syncheart]

I always do my best not to be rude to women. And yet the rude guys seem to get the girls. Or maybe I'm rude and I don't know that I am rude. Someone on the debian forums called me rude, and no matter how many times reread what I wrote, I couldn't see how I was rude!

Moving onto your question. I thought maybe He was scared of loosing you. I haven mental issues, and even went through my own breakdown. I never saw anything wrong with being open and honest about my feelings. And yet, over the years, it seems like people get put off by those who have mental problems. Some people consider people with mental problems to be dangerous. Thus avoided. I think those people should look in the mirror because everyone has quirks. I think I'm just more open about it. I don't go around pretending like I don't have issues.

[Radiate143]

Oh I didn't get into what it was because it really was rude. I get what you're saying though.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to mental health. He may not know how to open up about it or is trying to suck it up. Most men believe that poor mental health is seen as being weak.


Is he a gun owner? If so, the fear of red flag laws could cause him to stay silent so no one tries taking them (it).

[Radiate143]

No no guns. LoL. I for sure think he is in this weak camp. I told him it's nothing to be ashamed about.

[Peter_Penetrator]

He most likely is bipolar.

[Radiate143]

Yes, I suspect this tbh.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Part of that stigma is mental health meds. There are several different reasons someone chooses not to take them.

(1) The cost. Some that choose not to take meds because this person had rather spend their money on drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.

(2) A wife, girlfriend, parent, friend or clergyman convinces the individual that they don’t need meds. Some would just say that you just need to pray and bring yourself closer to God. The real reason for convincing an individual from taking meds is out of fear of losing that person. If the one suffering from mental health issues gets better, then once better, they will be less dependent on those around them. Especially a wife or girlfriend. It could result in divorce or a breakup. The clergyman will lose that person to a psychologist or psychiatrist. My experience recently is that some of your mental health counselors do have strong ties to religion and find it a ego boost if they can bring that person into the fold.

Don’t get me wrong, but l do have my own relationship with God. After all, he did give man the capacity to heal the sick.

(3) Any person close to this individual fears the judgment of others knowing that their loved one is seen as “crazy”. Or being labeled themselves by association.

(4) A gun owner fears losing their guns.

I know there are more reasons out there but four is all l can think of for now.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Afterthought, when an individual with mental health issues decides to commit mass murder, by whatever means, those that convinced themselves, and that person, that he didn’t need meds won’t be taking responsibility for those innocent lives lost.

[rosemilk]

it's not you, trust me. this is just how he deals with his emotions. though it may not be the right way, he is pushing away to protect you and himself. a lot of people do this when they don't know how to react. he likely comes from a toxic household too. i'd just give him some space and wait until he's ready.

[Radiate143]

Yes. All this. Actually, he lost 7 family members in a massive earthquake. And I had met up with him not long after. And I was puzzled because he wasn't sad just flat and I was loke... this isn't normal.

[rosemilk]

oof that is a LOT for him to deal with. i understand. it seems like he really needs to work through that trauma and himself before being in a relationship

[Radiate143]

LOL. I don't even think he really even knows what that is.

[Radiate143]

Deep down, I know he has a MASSIVE thing for me and likewise. He just has all this ego in the way.

[lightbulb27]

The essence if the problem is fear and vulnerability… pain. To admit hed have to be more vulnerable.


So the issue is trust. Whom can he trust? May not be about you per se

[Radiate143]

No, he did admit it.

[AaronKrieger]

He was rude I am guessing, since he felt like he was losing control and it stressed him out. By losing control, I mean you figuring out he's in a bad state and he wants to tell you on his terms.

Not everyone is comfortable telling their partner their issues in a relationship especially if it's a new one. I do think think it is good you were straightforward about it, since he was not likely going to communicate it for a while.

[exitseven]

It takes a lot to admit to something like that. Nobody wants to be perceived as damaged goods.

[Radiate143]

Aren't we all damaged goods in a way?

[exitseven]

Yes, but some more than others

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well said @exitseven

[sawno]

Because it may have already scared a partner away in the past, or they otherwise expect she'd leave.

[sawno]

As for the pushing away part, your trying to reason why someone in a bad mental state is not making sense. The issue is the problem your asking the question about, he is having a mental breakdown so he is the furthest away from any kind of reason and logic.

[Radiate143]

Do you know of any cases or is this an opinion?

[sawno]

Opinion and somewhat related to my own personal experience within myself when I was freaking out. Except for me it was reverse, I was panicking and needed her to calm me down. So instead of pushing her away I put to much pressure on her. I can't help shake the feeling that moment contributed to us breaking up. So next time I won't lean on a girl anymore when I am panicking, ill just sort it myself and show strength. She can know and help at will, but I won't place it in her hands.

[Radiate143]

Wow, it's hard to find a balance.

[sheikalana]

If he dealt with it successfully I don’t see a reason for him to tell you. Telling you wouldn’t change anything. Also sharing details of your mental health or whatever you’re going through is extremely personal and not everyone is comfortable in sharing those things. He just should have told you that he needed a moment for himself instead of being rude but he doesn’t owe you an explanation when you guys have been on and off.

[Radiate143]

He did have to because he wanted a committed relationship and we were on and off because of his behaviour.

[OddBeMe]

Firstly, we don’t treat mental wellness as importantly as physical health and we should.

That said, lots of people try to “skate by” saying they’re autistic or having mental health issues. For that to really be an issue it’d be constant.

[Radiate143]

A nervous breakdown down isn't constant. It is a mental health issue nonetheless.

[OddBeMe]

What is a nervous breakdown? An anxiety attack? Get over it. Get some Xanax and get back at it.

Serisously I watch a lot of court shit, and so many criminals try to skate on “diminished responsibility” and it’s bullshit. We never blackout and do bad things or have “mental breakdowns”. You can get overly frustrated. Lol

[Radiate143]

Why is your language so aggressive?

[OddBeMe]

Some people are. This may be a sore spot for me. People getting by bullshitting their “mental issues”.

But why are you so sensitive to aggression?

[Radiate143]

Because it is a precursor to violence.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Some people are ashamed of it and don't want anyone else to know

[captain_voidwalker]

I can't speak for women but as a man you are not allowed to have mental breakdowns. You have to be steadfast, clam and collected at all times. Nothing drys out a vagina faster than showing any form of weakness.

[WhitneySnow]

Guys hate talking about their feelings

[Radiate143]

So that he told me he had a nervous breakdown is a big deal or a manipulation tactic?

[WhitneySnow]

It’s a big deal

[Radiate143]

Well, he sent me a gif if a baby crying. Is only reading my texts.
I asked him what was up. He called me right away and then he wouldn't say a word. Just being really lied on the video call. And just acting odd. I don't know if he is just an asshole or if there is something wrong.

[Radiate143]

Being really lewd

[WhitneySnow]

Ok that’s really weird. Maybe take a break from talking to him for a little while.

[Radiate143]

Well we have. Because he's not really talking to me. It's loke a switch flips. And I don't know if he is being fake when we get on or if he really is going through it. Jekyll Hyde.

I will say. He has adjusted a lot of behaving he will talk things through with me but then he will just fritz. I dunno.

[Radiate143]

Behavior spell check is killing me

[WhitneySnow]

I think he really is going through a breakdown

[Radiate143]

Ok. Do I keep reaching out?

[Radiate143]

Nah, I'm just stupid and being played as usual. He's online in WA and not messaging me. I'm just à dummy who always trusts the wrong people as usual. He just is ditching me.

[WhitneySnow]

Give him some space for now

[Staximus]

Is a guy you actually see in person or just somebody you talk to on the phone

[Radiate143]

The first thing it states is that we were in and off. We lived close to one another and everything.

[collie22]

Why, it could be many reasons. One reason is this person may

not want any help.

[Cutegirl06]

Probably fear of being judged

[love_conquers_lust]

He may not want you to see him like that.