Why does my boyfriend seem to go a little quiet after we deepen our connection?

[Radiate143]

I am in a fairly new relationship that is going really well.

I noticed that when we have an interaction where we open up a bit more he gets a little quiet with me.

We had a great video chat and even reminisced about some funny moments.

He says we are exclusive and I don't have any proof to be suspicious of him keeping his other conquest warm while he has me on ice for a bit.

I know I have baggage and paranoia from some incredibly awful experiences so I'm trying to stay positive but I'm also usually spot on with my inclinations.

[robhazelnut]

I find it plausible that he'd take more time with his thoughts during a deepening of connection. It's a rare thing for a person to want to talk about things other than basic survival, the news or entertainments.

[Radiate143]

Yeah that's true.

[exitseven]

Neitzche wrote that "in men that are hard. Intimacy involves shame and thus is precious"
Sometimes guys have a hard time with this stuff

[Radiate143]

I think he is hiding himself from me. Like I've heard him be so chatty and with me it's like he doesn't want to say anything off.

[exitseven]

Did you read what I wrote? Guys are funny around girls that they really like. I had a female best friend that I could tell everything too. I could not tell half of the stuff to my girlfriend at the time.

[Radiate143]

Ookkkk, no I guess it didn't land quite clearly. That probably made your girlfriend so jealous lol. But It makes sense now. So it's a good thing.

[exitseven]

@radiate143 I doubt she was even aware of it even though they knew each other.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Hetero men don’t always have comfort with vulnerability. I wouldn’t take it personally that he chooses to be a bit quiet in the aftermath of revealing some part of his past to you that he’s not used to discussing, and I definitely wouldn’t take it as a sign of him cheating. He’s probably not used to saying these things to you, the relationship is “fairly new” in your own words. He’s still figuring out where he stands and where his comfort zone is with you.

[Radiate143]

I'm 50/50 on this but overall it's an accurate and insightful take.

[love_conquers_lust]

Define quieting. Going to work or school or other familial obligations?

[Radiate143]

I'm neurotic. He was constant contact yesterday and no messages today really.

Anyway, sometimes I think he doesn't want to look clingy.

[love_conquers_lust]

You might want to tell him that so he can allay your fears. He might just be busy. Messaging all day is quite a bit of work. It’s impressive you kept him on the line for that long, so you must have something he likes.

[Radiate143]

Everything is fine.

We have a language barrier. He says no problem.

If I do a really good job of expressing myself in his language he always smiles and looks proud.

He doesn't say much with me so I don't really know what he thinks of me.

I still feel awkward with silence (my issue) so I ask him questions.

I asked him what do you think about all day. He said you.

LOL He's likely full of 💩 but it was still cute.