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He basically said there’s no point in talking if sx isn’t eventually going to happen. Ect… but I’m no victim I was a pickle in the beginning but it does hurt to know that
but he said I hope you find a man who loves you the way you need to be loved…
tf
Not to sound rude, but I don't really see anything wrong with what he said. Different men have all sorts of different preferences, and he made his very clear; that he want to be with a partner who's actively physical and is keen to have sex regularly, and if you can't be that, then he's telling you straight up why you guys can't be together.
And I know this may sound rude and maybe even offensive to some women, but just like now women have hormones and their ups and down days, so do men, and guess what? Our hormones are related to how often or how less sex we have on a daily basis. No, that doesn't make us horndogs, and no there's nothing dirty or sick about it either, and if anyone thinks that way, you need to grow up and understand that sex, much like eating and sleeping, is a basic human need that 90% of men nowadays are starved off of. Our prostate, which is a vital organ in our bodies, needs to be in regular use and that's only done when and if we have sex. No sex at all can lead to problems like erectil dysfunction and/or even prostate cancer
Yeah but he didn’t mention a relationship
It isn't worth getting with someone if there's not enough physical attraction to lead to sex. Where do you think children come from? Now, if you're a minor, it could be a different story. Since you're in the age group to be looking for a serious relationship and since it's assumed that you are female, there's good reason for a man not wanting to spend time on you and surely not money. We have our goals and don't need distractions. You can't be on the list of every guy's goals, especially every good one. A good one has no use for a girl who won't some day be the mother of his children.
Well if he’s interested in sx I’m sure some type of attraction is there
If you think people don’t get rejected you are wrong. We might not get straight up rejected but every girl has one story of a heartbreak, even the prettiest, smartest, sexiest…
They might not speak about it, but they have that one story.
Welcome to the adulthood, some people will see your value, some will not. It doesn’t change who you are.
Because his only interest is in sex. Best if you forget about him and move on you'll only get hurt.
Opinion
19Opinion
For get that crap. That's nothing but pure manipulation you're the fucking boss of yourself nobody else is you control you and he's the puppet that's why his mouth is always running don't be hurt or don't be pissed off or don't be upset about that guy he's a jerk I say good for you.. he's just trying to wear you down don't ever give in to him
This man really tried to lie to me… everyone I think about it I get sad… but God was protecting me.
Whats wrong about it? He's rejecting you because you aren't aligned with his needs and then wishes you to find someone who is. That sounds like a polite guy to me who knows what he wants, I'm in the same boat where I am not going to sexually commit myself to someone who isn't going to have sex with me. Then i'd be signing up for a life without something I want out of a relationship.
But he knew in the beginning I wasn’t looking for sex… I told him placeholder until you find someone else… no sex just chat.. I told him I was protecting my emotional well being
He’s the one who said “I don’t want that”…. I would end up liking you for nothing”… then he said… I know you said you were protecting your emotional well being but I don’t know you weren’t looking for something serious”
Yes… but I think he was rushing… we only went on one date and he ghosted me… thats a poor response when you’re not getting what you want.
He could have communicated that with me instead of ghosting
It’s not right to make someone feel safe enough to open up and then ghost… it makes me feel like was manipulating me.
He ghosted me for 3 weeks after our date…. I sent him a message saying he hurt me a bit … etc. That’s when he called…
That’s not genuine in my opinion
He didn't, you have been showing a pattern of depicting him in a bad light in all your posts while if I read between the lines he has been perfectly reasonable. He didn't manipulate you at all, he was completely straight up and to the point once he found out it would not work. Again, get over it and move on. Your going to have to deal with this a lot because men usually don't want to be sexually exclusive with someone who isn't going to do their end of the bargain.
It just sounds like a man with no self control and the minute he doesn’t get it he’ll cheat… he doesn’t even know my fav color or middle name…. I didn’t know his real name … it’s like he wasn’t really trying to tell me… how is that wanting something serious?
But it’s me? Ok…. I’m just protecting myself
A man who genuinely wants to love you would still stick around if sex isn’t involved… if he were truly looking for someone.
I don’t understand why you men are justifying this…
If you were to think about a woman you loved sex wouldn’t be the focal point
I don't see what he said wrong. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with no sex. Then he wished you well to find someone compatible.
Not everyone is compatible. Even if they both love each other, it doesn't mean they are compatible for various practical reasons. If either of you know that something won't work, then it's best to end it early instead of dragging it on.
Sir…. If this man thought I was the one or really wanted a relationship with me… do you really think he would treat me like this?
I get sex is important but you’re basically saying I’m not worth it bc sex isn’t involved. That’s hurtful… we haven’t even built a emotional connection…
Yes I do think he would treat you that way if he wanted a relationship. It's the right way to do it. Would you rather he lie and pretend it will work, even if he knows it won't? Would you want him to stay with you and constantly try to talk you into having sex?
The relationship wasn't going to work for him. He did the right thing by telling you so, and allowing you to move on.
You are being too hard on yourself. It's about compatibility. The two of you want different things.
I want him to be sexually attracted to me. I want to have sex with a man who loves me and is in a commuted relationship with me…
He wasn’t really trying to be in a relationship with me. Not once did I say sex was off the table… he’s just sex addicted … at 36 he should have some self control.. not everything has to be about sex just YET
Nothing wrong with what he said. Explain why he should be fine with getting into a relationship that will be sexless? What is the benefit that he can't find by just finding a male friend. Outcome is the exact same except that male friend won't expect certain treatment, he'll probably split the bills for food, he'll probably happily spend his money on his friend.
Ok so what’s the question? What’s wrong w that? Sure he may have hurt your feelings but imagine if he told you after he nailed you. It would be even worse as far as how you would feel. At least he saved you the trouble of all of that by being honest. Women always want men to be honest but when we are many of them don’t like it. You weren’t willing to have sex w him so he moved on to find someone else who was ok w that arrangement.
No it’s making me believe you wanted something more when you didn’t… and ghosting me after our date… I had to express how hurt I was…. What he did was selfish and manipulative
Ok. So he was a jerk. There’s a lot of people like that in this world, to include women. Again he saved you a lot of pain by being honest. I read somewhere you responded to someone that you would just be a placeholder girlfriend. What’s that?
Yeah but no sex.. just chat until he moves on…
lol no dude really wants that. What good does chatting do? Especially for a man who w at sex from her. Besides why would you even put yourself in that situation? Because more than likely placeholder girlfriends as you call it, they have feelings for the dude. So when he moves on you’re going to be even more devastated. Not to mention he’ll why would you want to be a placeholder girlfriend to a man who doesn’t see you as his number 1, maybe not even his number 2 or 3. Is the placeholder girlfriend going to cook for me? Maybe wash my clothes? Because honestly what could you chat e him about? What life advice could you give him? Men live way different lives than women, maybe even harder lives.
He didn’t want that tho…. We were even going to stop talking..
I told him I was protecting my emotional well being and he asked what’s the safest way I can interact with him and he thought I was looking for something serious
Ok. But does he want you as in a partner? Someone he can commit himself to? Probably not. You on the other hand like him more than just a sexual thing. If you’re not willing to give him what he wants, which is perfectly fine then you need to cut him lose.
I only liked him bc he saw me as more than a placeholder … something must have changed bc he’s saying something different.
How did he see you as more than a placeholder?
Bc he made it seem like he wanted more
How? In your mind you may think that but women tend to turn everything into something when it’s nothing. Like if a man says hi women wonder what did he mean.
Backstory: When we first started talking I told him that I only wanted to be a “placeholder”.. until he finds someone else… no sx.. just chat.. I told him that I was protecting my emotional well being at all cost.. and he replied “what’s the safest way to interact with me?”
He appeared puzzled by the “placeholder” comment and questioned me about it. Initially, he seemed to possibly want more and even mentioned he didn’t seek that. Although he understood my aim to safeguard my emotional well-being, he presumed I still desired a serious relationship. I didn’t and we were going to stop talking then and there… but I kind of liked him so I said I wanted to take things slow.
We had an intense talking stage and I admit that I was all over the place... I just had my guard up…
We had our first date and he ghosted me after… it had been 3 weeks. I sent 3 messages.. no answer. I text him yesterday expressing how hurt I felt…. He called me a few minutes after.
He apologized for how he made me feel and said there’s nothing wrong with me , I’m perfect…. 🙄… then he said that he felt there was no need to put energy into something if sx wasn’t going to eventually happen… he said we can “check in” every now and then…but he has other high priorities … he’s stressed with work, he was in the hospital etc.. he wants space to get more spiritual
No he wasn’t interested in more. It was purely about sex. If you were perfect he would have stayed w you, waited. But he didn’t. Other high priorities may have been a girl who actually is giving him sex. But no he was just interested in sex.
Then why did he make me believe he wanted more….
What if he stressed with work, what if he really is trying to get closer to God like he said…. Maybe he just needs space
Cause he wanted sex. Men will tell women what they want to hear to get between their legs
Haha..."yeah but no sex, just chat until he moves on"... well he moved on... so what's the problem?
As in, sex is NEVER going to happen? Then why are you in a relationship? That's no different than any of my friends. 99.95% of men out there are going to say no if you tell them sex "isn't eventually going to happen."
Noooo ofc I want to have sex but we aren't in a relationship.. we only went on one date… he didn’t contact me after that bc I said I was possibly waiting until marriage for sex
Oh gotcha. Well that's admirable of you and all, but you have to be realistic, a large percentage of men aren't going to wait that long. You have your preferences, they have theirs.
Why does he want to have sex so badly and why did he want to know when was the last time I was intimate?
He has every right to want to know if you're the type of person that wants to wait til marriage. Why? I don't know how to make that clearer. Not every man is going to wait that long.
I have no idea why he'd care when the last time you were intimate was. What was the context for him asking? Was it after or before you said you're waiting til marriage?
I don’t remember … he just asked.. and even though I’m a virgin I told him a year… he joked about me having sex toys ….
I think he just wanted sx.
None of that seems odd to me.
He just wanted sex and I’m sticking to it
Good chance. Hope next time works out better for you :)
u So he rejected you because you told him sex between you two was never going to happen? You didn't provide many details.
I’m fully aware that sex is important in a relationship …. I never said never… I’m a virgin…. On the date I told him that I would like to wait for sx possibly until marriage
Okay, so he wants sex before marriage and you want it afterwards. That means you aren't a good match, and he was honest with you about that. Certainly it would have been worse for him to mislead you.
No he’s a liar and a manipulator… he deeply hurt me by his actions… he never communicated that he no longer wanted to talk …. It had been a month
I had reached out to him a couple days ago…. Like I said we had an intense talking stage only bc I had my guard up. He knew that I just wanted to be a placeholder until he found someone else…. I felt like he was trying to slowly bring my guard down and he mentioned through text that he didn’t want a placeholder…. He even understood that I was protecting my emotional well being and said I still thought you wanted something serious. I admit I gave him whiplash and confusion…
But for me to call him and he says “there’s no need to keep talking if there’s no sex” “this isn’t my priority”…”we can check in every now and then”…. It’s like wow… it HURT. He showed his true colors.
And as much as it hurt now, it would have been even worse to realize his true nature after you had allowed yourself to get into a relationship with him.
Ik … and there’s people on here saying he was genuine… etc
I’m confused
When he communicated, he was honest about wanting sex. That doesn't mean that he didn't also want a relationship. But he had no reason to ghost you. However, when he said "we can check in with each other periodically," that sounds like he is hoping you'll change your mind about sex. . . but at this point, a serious relationship wouldn't be possible, would it?
It just sounds like his end goal was sex… what real connections have we made… would a guy who likes you genuine even ghost…? Just bc he didn’t get sex? This just feels shitty and a hurtful thing to say to someone you made feel like they were liked for more than a placeholder…
Yes, you were misled!
Manipulated… I would’ve gone crazy if he slept with me and left…
I don't know why I’m so depressed about this…. I lost 2 pounds .. in a short amount of time from not eating. I already had so much trauma and I let him know that I was protecting my emotional health… men can be evil
PEOPLE can be evil! Both sexes!
But men don’t understand just how much they hold our happiness when we really like them…. It shouldn’t be that way but it is….
There are guys who have an experience like yours, but with a woman, of course.
I don’t understand why you’re so upset? He had different intentions. You both parted ways and he wished you the best…
thats no BS, he was just brutally honest, which is good. Other guys would just cheat or disappear without a word
But he did ghost me … I had to text him a few times
He has his preferences and his boundaries. Unless you are a virgin, making him "wait for sex" is something only a simp puts up with.
I am a virgin…
He doesn’t know that
A big reason why men have relationships with women is for the sex. Geezuss Christmas! Why do women have such a hard time understanding this?
Yeah but he didn’t say a relationship
Getting laid is the end goal for most interactions with women. Is that good enough for you?
Ok... And what is wrong with that? Would you be in relationship with someone if sex is not eventually going to happen? You would not, right?
He never said relationship
Sounded like he was just being up front with you about his preferences. His tone and attitude ofcourse dictates his intentions better.
sx was a deal breaker for both of you. In short, you were not compatible. The stuff he said after was an attempt to end things amicably.
If you don't want a long term relationship and don't want to hookup then you should get yourself a tamagotchi or something.
Then find a man who won't have sex with you until marriage.
Yeah… but don’t make me feel like you wanted more in the beginning especially when he knew I wasn’t looking for sex… I told him that.
I guess he didn't take you seriously. He fucked around and found out.
@Jamie05rhs it’s just hurtful that he would do that…. Made me feel like he wanted more and made me feel safe to talk to him…
I know. 🥺
@Jamie05rhs I wish he didn’t exist or maybe me
Definitely him. ✊💪
Message me if you ever need to talk. Okay? You matter! 💜
@Jamie05rhs thank you💖🥺
You're welcome!
NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO NOW REALLY... JUST FORGET ABOUT IT
Sexual incompatibility is a deal-breaker.
True but not if you love someone. You would wait… he didn't
I wouldn't wait, regardless. A deal-breaker is a deal-breaker
Mehhh... There are other guys out there.
True he said that
What’s true
Does it feel bad?
Really bad🥺
Wait , what feels bad?
Do you feel bad that he rejected you?
I feel more hurt….
Why do you feel hurt?
I feel bad bc he made me feel safe and made me feel like he wanted something more… he knew sex isn’t what I want and he never brought it up… but after the date he ghosted and said that there’s no point if sex won’t eventually happen.
Oh. Well there is a clear reason for that
What is it?
He expected a sexual relationship at some point. And you took sex way off the table
Okay… but I understand sex is apart of any relationship … he made that the focal point…
He doesn’t even know my middle name… he couldn’t have even tried to get to know me a little more… how does this situation not sound tricky?
You have been on one date right? He shouldn’t be expected to know all the details about you yet. When did you tell him to expect any sexual behavior?
I told him since day one that I wasn’t looking and that I wasn’t looking for anything serious and that I just wanted to placeholder until he found someone… he said no he didn’t want that.
Correct. He doesn’t want a placeholder. You just wanted to be a friend. So no reason to feel hurt when he doesn’t want anything more
He wanted something serious…
A man who genuinely wants to love you would still stick around if sex isn’t involved… if he were truly looking for someone.
I don’t understand why you men are justifying this…
If you were to think about a woman you loved sex wouldn’t be the focal point
You literally said you wanted to be a placeholder. So even if he was looking to get married you told him you just wanted a friend.
In the beginning yes… but then I wanted to give it a chance and said that I was willing to take things slow… he asked “what does that entail”…
I just think he only wanted to fuck and tried to play it low
Yes, a guy might go a whole year without sexual activity in a romantic relationship. To fall in love. But you told him it would be longer than that until you wanted any sexual activity.
by the way you copying and pasting a reply to multiple people who answered your question is highly disrespectful.
Bye
I only copied it once bc I think he isn’t going to reply. It’s not that serious… like at all.
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