What are your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I was severely bullied growing up. It didn't start up until I got into high school. Boys were extremely cruel to me. They said no man would ever want me or have kids with me. I was made fun of everyday in school. I was called a monster and people would yell when I walked past them. Now as a married adult with children I seek male validation from strangers. I usually get positive reviews from strangers online. Granted I've gotten face fillers done and I work out almost everyday. I try to make the most of my horrible genetics. My husband gets upset that I long male validation. I have been through trauma most women have never experienced. Am I wrong for this male validation?

[Count_de_Monte_Volo]

I think it’s a yes-and-no answer. If you try to deny the truth about either choice then your subconscious won’t let you get over it.


Obviously your husband would want you to just get over it but you obviously can’t.



This has to be handled carefully. When something is a yes-or-no answer, identify and discard the bad parts of either decision, and try to identify the good parts of either decision. See if you can combine the good parts of both without having the cons of either. Otherwise the cons will ruin the whole thing.


Math time. What you want: male validation. What your husband wants: you to not seek validation from other males.


What you want to avoid: upsetting your husband. What you don’t want: live all your life with an unquenched desire for validation from other males.


Ultimate question: How can you satisfy this thirst for other male validation without upsetting your husband?


I asked chatgpt and it recommended not getting the validation from other males. I’d have to agree in that it would feel and look like betrayal to your husband. Perhaps somehow you can get extra male validation from your husband. Sorry this is a tricky one. I feel like you will need to win an award for a beauty contest or something to get that validation. I know an award would make me happy and feel validated in what I want but am struggling to achieve. But that risks lowering your self esteem even more if you don’t win.

[Count_de_Monte_Volo]

It would also be recommended for your husband to be involved in helping you with full disclosure, whatever that may be. Maybe he says just get over it, I don’t know.

[236color]

I too was bullied, it wasn't really about my appearance, (although I've never been very attractive) it was more because they could. The wounds were deep and they hurt. I won't say I'm entirely over it, but I'm better. I don't seek validation from women, I too am married, and it wasn't women that hurt me , other than ignoring me. I think your husband is concerned because he rightly feels that no amount of outside validation will be enough. You need to feel that you ARE enough in yourself. You may need help to get there.

[sawno]

Yeah, its clearly a coping method for you and your husband should be validating enough. You got a lover who loves you for who you are and is willing to be your partner, that is all the validation I personally need.

[Asker]

He does but it isn't enough

[sawno]

You need to search that within yourself though, not with other men. There is clearly a pain your trying to mend but it doesn't heal it, if it healed it it would have worked.

[Anonymous]

That depends. If he shows you attention, and you still seek other men's attention the yeah, it's wrong.

Most people have experienced some form of trauma in life. I'm not lessening what you went through. But you don't have a mo opoly on trauma. It sucks that it happened but it's your choice if you continue to let it rule your life. Sorry. Probably not what you wanted to hear.

[robhazelnut]

Thoughts: your former high school clasmates are different now to some amount, and the wider world is still different from what they were.

[Anonymous]

I was bullied too, by girls and guys.

[stranger_girll]

I understand you..