Why Would A Guy Never Mention His Girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I've had guy friends NEVER mention their girlfriends. Like EVER! And I am not talking about guys who are private. For example, a friend of mine went to vegas with his girlfriend. When he got back and we asked how it went, he literally talked about about everything, except his girlfriend. 5 day trip and not one mention of her. Why do guys do this?

[MrOracle]

It's because you asked about his TRIP, not his GIRLFRIEND. I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you about her if you asked, but that's not what you asked.

Men (most men, anyway), think and operate and communicate LITERALLY, withOUT subtext. And because we don't define ourselves by our relationships the way women do, we tend not to talk about our relationships unless specifically asked or unless there's some specific issue going on.

This generally has NOTHING to do with the relationship in question, or how the guy feels about YOU (or anyone else he's talking to), it's simply how male brains work. For millennia, we've had to do dangerous tasks where our lives and health depended on extremely focused and direct communications ("Freeze! You're about to step on a snake!" or "Take Cover!") and literal responses. We HAVE feelings, but we shut them off much of the time because we can't afford to be distracted by them, and we kind of only allow ourselves to feel when we know it's safe to do so - another aspect of how differently our brains work. If you are hunting a dangerous animal, or going into war, or diving on an oil rig to weld a broken pipe during a storm, you don't have the luxury of feeling your feelings, or you'll die. In order to survive, much of our time, we're focused on literal communications and responses.

In my real life, I almost never talk to anyone about my relationship other than my girlfriend herself. Why? Well, generally, I'm a private person, but also, I have no interest in gossip, and rarely have a problem I can't handle on my own, so I have little need to talk to anyone about it. I *do* have some female friends who occasionally ASK, and I talk a little then, but even then, I often just let her talk for herself, as she's usually there.

As I said, men don't center their lives around their various relationships in the way that women do. My relationship is very important to me, but I don't need to talk about it with other people for it to matter. I talk to HER, and let HER know, directly, how important she is, and how much I appreciate her. Frankly, I don't care all that much about anyone else's opinion anyway. And I think that's a part of it - women DO care VERY MUCH about other people's opinions of their relationships, often to an unhealthy degree - though I don't think this example qualifies as that. But men don't feel the need to please the whole world, or even just their whole friend group - they just need to be happy themselves and make their girl happy. That's enough for us.

[Asker]

I ask him how she is and he literally just shrugs. One time he said “I don’t know.”

[MrOracle]

Ask better, more specific questions! Trust me.

Also, are you SURE he actually has a girlfriend and not just making one up? While that wasn't the greatest question, I'd have expected some kind of better answer than that.

[spartan55]

So they don't ruin any chance they have with you... duh.

[Asker]

I thought that too, but before he got with is current girlfriend, he would mention other girls too. So I don't think he's into me.

[spartan55]

Doesn't mean he wouldn't sleep with you.

[Asker]

If a guy invites you to watch him perform with his school band and says, "It would mean a lot to me if you can come" Is he hinting that he likes you? I'm not good with guys, so this is a serious question.

[spartan55]

Possibly, how has his behavior towards you lately?

[Asker]

A lot of people would tell me that they thought he liked me because he was always asking me to hang out, asking me to come, watch him at his band, perform and saying things that I guess were kind of flirty. But I never believed those people because he would tell me about other girls that he was crushing on, or trying to date. Back in October, he mentioned that he liked having me as a platonic friend, when I agreed that it was nice to be good friends, he found a girl a week later, and they started going steady right away. At first, I thought they were into each other, because they never posted pictures of each other, and when they did, they were always far away from one another in the photos. He never brings up her name, unless someone else does, and when they do, he’s very short about her. But when I talked to him yesterday, he was looking kind of depressed, and was really distant. Almost in a hurry to get away from me. So I guess now I’m wondering if the whole platonic friend conversation was his way of trying to find out if I was into him or not. And when I didn’t fight him on how we could be more than friends, he just went for someone who would date him.

[spartan55]

I think you are probably correct or close to it. No guy WANTS to be your friend. He may end up a friend, but that is rarely the goal.

[Asker]

I think I’m right too. And to be honest, I can't tell if I like him back. I think I might (I’m honestly just scared of relationships) but I also know that it might not work out between us.
What do I do now?

[spartan55]

Why are you scared of relationships?

[Asker]

I don't know, but whenever I start to like someone, I just get a lot of anxiety (stomach aches, nausea, etc.) and just keep telling myself things like "it's not God's will for me" "I'm not ready for a relationship" etc. So I've never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, etc.

[spartan55]

How old are you?

[Asker]

25 😅

[spartan55]

Oh my... were you sheltered?

[Asker]

Not at all! Just afraid of relationships.

[spartan55]

To the point you've never been on a date at 25? Pretty unusual.

[Asker]

Yup! I know. A lot of people are surprised when I tell them. But it's true. The sickness/anxiety just gets the best of me and I always say no when I get asked out.

[spartan55]

Do you think that needs to change?

[Asker]

I don't know. I like the independence of being single, but I've also been feeling a little friendless/lonely lately.

[spartan55]

You know you can date without being in a relationship.

[Asker]

What would be the point?

[spartan55]

To have fun, find out what you like and don't like.

[Asker]

You sound like my mom

[Asker]

I could be wrong, but I feel like dating should be a little more serious.

[spartan55]

@asker
I sound like your mom eh? Maybe we know what we are talking about?
So, I'm curious why you think dating should be 'more serious'? Doing different activities, and getting to know a guy isn't... serious? I honestly have never heard that excuse and wonder what your perception of relationships actually are?

[Nikki1989]

Some guys are always thinking about cheating.

[Anonymous]

Because what happened between them is private for a lot of guys. We don't talk about private things between us with others. Just general stuff.

[laly520]

keeping the option of cheating