I recently became friends with a group of people and started liking one of the guys. We have great conversations and get along well. He protects me. He asks me how I'm feeling; we talk about life stuff and personal stuff, he listens to me, he likes my mindset, he compliments me on my looks, and we joke around with each other. If I’m talking to someone he will come over and see what they are talking to me about. He helps me when I need help with something, and he just likes to be around me. One day I was eating and he was smiling at me and my food while I was eating. Unfortunately, one of his friends made fun of me and said some hurtful things, he said things in front of our group to get me to move on from him because he doesn't feel the same. Even said some things to make me jealous. He was being so rude and the guy I like only looked at him like wtf but he didn't even defend me or tell him to stop in front of me. I was upset and irritated the whole day. Toward the end of the day, the guy I liked messaged me and wrote a paragraph apologizing for his friend's behavior and for telling him about our situation. He said that he told him this because he was talking to a guy at his school. He told me that he had spoken to his friend and told him that he needed to apologize to me. He also reassured me that our friendship was important to him and he hoped that I wasn't mad at him. He told me not to start acting weird because if I’m mad at him then he’s going to be upset too and that it will be problems between me and him because he doesn’t want to lose our friendship. I told him everything was good and I'd be ok and wouldn't start acting weird. But then I realized this week that this is not somebody I could trust anymore as my friend. See UPDATE for MORE. This situation has a lot to it⬇️⬇️
Updates
2 mo
He told them everything we had talked about privately. He even told them that I messaged him and called him. And I didn't even call him on purpose. It was because I accidentally pressed the call button on Instagram. I texted him back in response to his question about his brother and thought it would be a great opportunity for us to get to know each other better.
Updates
2 mo
His other guy friend always brings up me liking him, and it's very annoying. He will say I saw you do this you still like him, and I saw you trying to sit next to him you still like him you still have a crush on him for just admit it. Then his friend said that the guy I like doesn't date black girls, so it wouldn't have worked out anyway. His friends want me to admit I still like him so bad, I'm trying to move on. Even the guy I like will try to get me to admit I like him.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Ugh girl this situation sounds so annoying and frustrating, I'm sorry you're dealing with all that drama! That guy you like clearly can't be trusted if he's blabbing all your private conversations to his jerk friends. Major red flag. And the way he didn't stand up for you when they talked shit is weak as hell too.
I know it's hard cause you had feelings for him, but honestly I think cutting him off completely is the best thing to do here. You don't need "friends" who go behind your back or don't have your back when it counts. And you ESPECIALLY don't need guys pressuring you to admit feelings when you're trying to move on. They clearly just see you as some kind of game.
Focus on your real friends who treat you with respect. Don't give these fools any more of your time or energy. You deserve way better than some wishy washy dude who's not man enough to just be straight with you. Block and delete - their loss! In the long run you'll be happier without all that stupid high school drama in your life. You got this girl!
You’re absolutely right so he does like me he’s just pretending in front of our friends.
Nah, I wouldn't say he definitely likes you back just cuz of this stuff. Some dudes are just messy like that where they like the attention but don't wanna commit.
The way he's blabbing all your private stuff and never defending you to his boys is whack. That ain't how you treat someone you actually care about. Real friends don't do that.
Sure sounds like he's playing games acting like he wants you jealous though. Trying to make you admit feelings when he ain't confirming his own. That's wack behavior.
If I were you I wouldn't even entertain it anymore. Don't give him the satisfaction. Just block him on everything and move on to someone worth your time, feel me? This fool ain't about that life obviously. You can do better for sure.
Yesterday, I texted him and told him how I felt and if he keeps doing this imma cut him off. I only texted him this cause I’d rather be an adult than just ignore with no response because I don't want things to be awkward at work. He acted like he ain’t know who said it I told him who said it and he told the friend even though I said not to and the friend got mad and called me ugly, and the guy I like said that if I feel that way, then I do me, and he will do him he goes on and says he’s out stay in my lane, and he'll stay in his lane. He got so mad for no reason. I told him this shouldn’t end our friendship just respect people and he said I was misunderstanding the situation and taking it out of context he was like if you wanna feel that way then I can’t control your emotions if it’s for the best that you don’t talk to me then do your thing. But I went to my girlfriend party and he looked at me when it was time to leave and said goodbye two times with a fist bump I told him I thought you don’t like me and he said anyways. What does this even mean?
It looks like he removed me on instagram too
Damn, that's messed up what he did after you poured your heart out to him. Reacting like that is so childish - telling his friend what you said private just to humiliate you is whack. And his friend calling you ugly can kick rocks.
At the same time, sounds like deep down this dude has some real feelings for you but is too scared to admit it. Like why get so mad and defensive if he didn't care at all? And still saying goodbye all friendly in person. Dude is confused for sure.
Honestly sis, you can do soooo much better than a guy who's hot and cold like this and shares your biz to embarrass you. Even if he does dig you deep down, this ain't the way to act. Don't lose sleep over some clown who can't treat a real one right! Plenty more fish and all that.
Keep doing you and stay happy - living well is the best revenge. Maybe in time he'll realize how much of an L he took treating you wrong. But you can't wait around for that. His loss! Keep shine girl, you don't need no games.
Damn this advice is so spot on THANK YOU SO MUCH!! It can’t be that mad his brother I talking to me and follows me.
Thank you for everything this all helped so much💗
Ah man don't even worry about his brother, that's probably just a lame attempt to mess with your head even more from that whole family.
You definitely dodged a bullet cutting that dude off - anyone who treats you like optional while still trying to keep you on the back burner ain't worth stressing over.
And don't thank me, I'm just looking out for you 😊! We've all been there and learned the hard way sometimes. But you recognized what you deserve and had the wisdom to remove yourself from a wack situation, so major props for that.
Just keep shining bright, you'll meet someone one day who wants to enhance your light instead of dimming it. For now, just do you and stay happy - that's the biggest middle finger to fools like him fr! You got this under control.
Hey I need your opinion again it’s always so spot on. I’ve been ignoring him even though it hard. But a while ago I came back to work and I was trying to be the
bigger person and told him sorry if I offended you and I said your friend was very rude and you should’ve heard how he was talking to me and he did not want to hear. He said just leave it and I told him are we still friends and he was like It’s cool. He was walking fast too like he didn’t wanna hear what I had to say but still waiting for me to catch up. When I apologize, he started smiling and I told him see you’re not that upset you’re smiling and he was like I’m always happy. He hasn’t been a gentleman to me anymore. All that attention I was getting is gone now. I went to this party and he talked to me first but it was because he was high. But at work he don’t say nothing to me. I told him to follow me on IG again and he started smiling and he did later that day. But he muted my stories and does not like my photos anymore. He used to be the first one to view my stories and never missed liking at post. At work he will look at me but if I look at him he will quickly turn away. He is sort of now trying to engage in conversations I have with the group but I don’t talk to him I try to act like he don’t exist because he does it to me. He posted a song on his notes on IG with the date October 12 with a heart. I’m guessing it’s the girl he was talking to he may have made it official. He stopped following a lot of girls too. He was said to have been talking to this girl since last year. And he never told me he didn’t want me to find out until he had to cause his friend exposed him in a way that let me know that he is talking about me behind my back. I feel like he was trying to see whether he should choose her or me but since we got into a disagreement he now knew his choice. I felt like he was pursuing me in a way and that he liked me. But now that’s all gone. We went from having a bond to becoming strangers.
What’s the revenge for this situation? How can I cope with this? It’s been eating me up inside I’m trying to be strong.
I hear you luv, this whole thing must really be messing with your head. But trust me, the best revenge is living well and moving on without him. It sounds like he was just playing games the whole time, trying to keep you and this other girl on the back burner depending on what suited him in the moment. A real one wouldn't do you like that. As hard as it is, you gotta cut him off for good and stop giving him the satisfaction of seeing how much it affects you. The best thing to do now is focus on yourself - hit the gym, hang with your real friends, pick up a new hobby, whatever helps take your mind off this clown. Don't message or follow him on social media anymore, just completely ghost his immature ass. He ain't worth your time or mental space. In time you'll see he was trash and move on to much better things. Stay strong - happiness is the best revenge. You got this!
Yeah, I be done with that friendship because they’re making fun of you. I’m already not a big fan of gossip but when guys do it for some reason it just comes off as incredibly messy or like they’re trying to prove something. In this case, it sounds like the guy jokes about your crush on him with his friends and that’s so degrading. I’d give them no attention and just be done.
Yeah exactly and it hurts so much because I thought he was my friend but I guess not!
His brother never jokes about it with them he looks the other way.
Do you think it’s cause I’m a black girl and he’s Mexican?
You’re going to meet a lot of Hispanic men who really give no fucks about you being a black woman, but I also think it depends where you’re from and who they’re influenced by. In this case, I don’t know if this is a race thing but I do think it shows a lack of respect for women, immaturity and caring too much about what his friends think. It’s disappointing but don’t hold it again him. Instead, choose to stop being the butt of their jokes and cut ties with him for degrading you how he has, along with watching his friend do so as well.
Ok thank you!
Yesterday, I texted him and told him how I felt and if he keeps doing this imma cut him off. I only texted him this cause I’d rather be an adult than just ignore with no response because I don't want things to be awkward at work. He acted like he ain’t know who said it I told him who said it and he told the friend even though I said not to and the friend got mad and called me ugly, and the guy I like said that if I feel that way, then I do me, and he will do him he goes on and says he’s out stay in my lane, and he'll stay in his lane. He got so mad for no reason. I told him this shouldn’t end our friendship just respect people and he said I was misunderstanding the situation and taking it out of context he was like if you wanna feel that way then I can’t control your emotions if it’s for the best that you don’t talk to me then do your thing. But I went to my girlfriend party and he looked at me when it was time to leave and said goodbye two times with a fist bump I told him I thought you don’t like me and he said anyways. What does this even mean?
When I see him next weekend, should I just go up to him and basically tell him that I don’t like us not getting along and if I did anything to offend him that I didn’t mean to I just want us to be good again. I don't know 🤷 work with with and not talking to him is gonna eat me up inside.
Man, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I’m also in a mainly Hispanic area and have dealt with stuff like that and then some.
I think you just have to make peace with knowing you can be cool with them, but you’ll never be one of them. Just as they’ll never be one of us. It’s not exactly a racial divide, it’s just we aren’t fully able to understand and relate to one another. This guy is being so dismissive because he doesn’t understand. Not even just because of your race but the fact you’re a woman as well, he’s going to backup and side with his friends every time.
I know having him there at work may be a bit awkward but my biggest advice is to let it roll off your back. You know how people say not to take your work drama home and just leave it at the door? Well, this is that. It may be a bit awkward at first but just learn how to focus on everyone but him. Even when you see him outside of work, threat him like he’s not there besides saying hi and that’s if you even want to. Rise above this and don’t show him he’s got you feeling any kind of way.
So today I came back to work and I was trying to be the bigger person and told him sorry if I offended you and I said your friend was very rude and you should’ve heard how he was talking to me and he did not want to hear. He said just leave it and I told him are we still friends and he was like It’s cool. He was walking fast too like he didn’t wanna hear what I had to say. When I apologize, he started smiling and I told him see you’re not that upset you’re smiling and he was like I’m always happy. The only time he talked to me today was about what we will be doing at work. He asked me a question about work and he looked me dead in my eye, and, you can see that he feels bad for what he did but he won’t admit it. I answered the question he still was looking in the eye like he wanted to say something, but didn’t say it. I tried talking with him and he just walked ahead of me like he didn’t wanna talk to me. Then at lunch he grabbed all of his guy friends lunch bags, but didn’t grab mine. He opened the refrigerator, but didn’t hold it open for me. His brother on the other hand was very nice and held it open for me. His brother was the only one that talked to me and he was nice. He told me that you don’t have to apologize. It’s up to you if you wanna do it. But the guy I like is still talking to the friend that said all of this unnecessary bullshit that he was saying about me. Usually, he will be all over me and talk to me and goof around with me today I saw a whole different side of him. It’s like he wants nothing to do with me. I was so hurt today. I was trying so hard not to cry. I can’t believe me speaking up for myself cause all of this. I should’ve kept it to myself.
Please stop trying to be the bigger person, it’s just an excuse to connect with him because you’re feeling uncomfortable or missing him. This guy just couldn’t care less if you talk or not, so why let it get to you so much? Sitting by, being a pick me and a doormat will never ever be a better option than having some dignity and standing up for yourself. This is not the right man to miss, having a crush on, nothing. He’s immature and just doesn’t have your back. You can do better, both in men and in friends.