Why do men change and act mean when you decide not to give him any?

[Anonymous]

Like if a guy starts to insult you and treat you like shit bc he’s not getting any from you… why does that mean? Why act like that?

[Finchie40]

Because most girls’ don’t really look at sex like most guys’ do , especially if he is in a relationship with a girl that he gave his heart to. Most girls’ just assume that he just wants to get off on her and use her for sex , in some cases that can be true , but in most cases that isn’t true , especially if he loves the girl he is with and standing by her side. What most girls’ don’t realize , is sex is important to most men , it’s a way most of us men. express our love to her and want to be closer To her , having her, having her in our arms and getting lost in her , When a girl with holds sex from her partner consistently , she doesn’t realize, she is hurting him and making him feel that she doesn’t value and appreciate him like she did before , especially if she is constantly denying him intimacy and affection with no valid reason as to why , If she is making lame excuses , like my head hurts , or I am too tired , I don’t feel well etc.. every time he tries to initiate being close to her, Little does she realize , she is tearing him apart inside , making him feel frustrated and sad , or angry and depressed that she doesn’t want to be in his arms. He might start assuming she is cheating on him or planning to cheat on him , or falling out of love with him , he will slowly start to lose interest in her and think she is being up to no good. Most affairs and cheating and break ups occurs because intimacy and affection starts to fade away , especially if it was never an issue before.. Most people get into relationships making the relationship all about themselves , only thinking about what matters to them not thinking about their partners’ feelings , when people have that selfish mindset , they will continue having failed relationships , because they only think about what is best for themselves. For a relationship to work and for love to grow , both partners’ have to make each other their top priority , over everyone else in this world , we don’t get into relationships to be single , if you do , good luck with that shit , you will be single again before you know it. The truth is , you have to wear your partners’ shoes the same way you expect them to wear yours. Not the other way around. So if you make the relationship all about yourself and what you feel is best for yourself , your relationship will more than likely fail. I am not saying you have to have sex every time your partner is in the mood , but you shouldn’t completely deny him , completely denying him makes you a selfish person , because the truth is you can please your partner in other ways , if you don’t feel like having his dick inside you , Give him a hand job , blow job , fall into his arms and kiss him and caress him , make him feel you appreciate him and value him , and love him , when you completely disregard his feelings you are pushing him away. When I am not in the mood for sex , I will please my partner in other ways to let her know I still love and care about her and to let her know she means the world to me. If I completely ignore her sexual desires , than I am an asshole that only thinks about myself , unless I have an actual valid reason not to want to. Like a medical reason , or I am actually sick and not feeling well , but other than that I don’t deny her , she should be treating me the same way. If she doesn’t and constantly denies me , I will start losing interest in her and think she is up to no good , or planning to be no good , I will more than likely walk away if she doesn’t have a valid reason , I will realize she isn’t the girl for me , because I know their are plenty of other girls’ out there , that would love to have a guy that prioritizes her and treats her the same way he wants to be treated , If my partner doesn’t respect me and appreciate me , I won’t respect her and appreciate her period. I will tell her
My feelings of concern and if nothing changes my ass is leaving. I will never be a sitting duck for someone that only treats me like a convenience, I want to be her priority the same way I make her mine , without that we have nothing

[Asker]

That’s nice but he wasn’t ready for a relationship so I’m guessing he just wanted a sexual one

[Finchie40]

Then he can be pissed all he wants , I thought you 2 were in a relationship, but the fact that you aren’t then he has no right being pissed off from your decision , thanks his problem not yours. It sounds like he just wants you for sex if he is acting that way

[Asker]

Yeah I think he did some negging and coercing….

[Finchie40]

Definitely just trying to use you for sex then, you did the right thing

[ProbablyClueless]

Hurt ego, frustration, generally feeling disappointed/let down.

A lot of times, men feel like women intentionally keep the boundaries and expectations of a relationship vague or unclear, which leads to a situation where the guy is dumping a lot of time, money, effort, etc into the woman; who (whether she's being intentionally manipulative or not) simply doesn't have any intention of ever reciprocating his energy.

And I WILL SAY; a lot of women will just let guys dote on them and act oblivious to what the men's intentions are. Men get that kind of treatment from women a lot, so the tensions boil over at inappropriate times.

Men get particularly salty when they feel like the woman either knew or definitely should have known what was up. It's very frustrating when you're talking to a woman for months, cultivating a connection, and then when you finally try to kiss her on your date at an expensive restaurant; she acts surprised, apparently not realizing that "friends" don't do the things that you've been doing for her.

[ProbablyClueless]

In a situation like that, it's not even a question of what one person owes to another, it's just basic respect. If you agree to an evening with me that common sense would tell you was a date, but you know that you don't have any interest/intention of dating me; allowing me to pay for the evening is just deception. In law, that would considered a de facto "fraud" of sorts.

[Anonymous]

Cause it’s like you rejected him

D—MBASS.

I HATEEE it when my man rejects my sexual advances or my intimate needs. I feel like cheating on him. I hope he cheats on you.

That shit is dead. Why are you even with him if you don’t desire him? At least give him him a BLOWIE, if you’re on your period. But don’t reject him and his needs.

[Asker]

Uh we aren’t in a relationship tho…. He mentioned sex but no relationship

[Opinion Owner]

Oh ok, HELL NO.

[SphynxUK]

A random guy? Or a boyfriend? Because if it’s the latter, you need to leave him!
If it’s someone you’re talking to, they are just immature and rejected, so they mouth off. Tell ‘em to eff off or ignore it.

[Asker]

Yeah a guy I was talking to that I actually liked… but looking back there were some yellow flags. He came off as very genuine… never love bombed me or anything. He communicated well and I liked that he was level headed… he did admit that he didn’t like how things started between us in the beginning. I was very guarded and tried to sabotage

We should have never gone on a date… it started off good…but he did ask me when I was last intimate. I told him I wanted to wait until marriage for sex… and later on he ask me if my father would approve the way I dress. I really didn’t realize he was trying to insult me lol until later on…

[SphynxUK]

Sounds like you had a lucky escape.

[worldscolide]

Sounds like a POS.

Don't get me wrong inside of a relationship, rejecting him over and over WILL result in a man looking elsewhere or just leaving.. But based on your comments you weren't even in a relationship with him, he was just using you for sex. So he is a POS for his behavior and attitude.

No man, relationship or not, is worthy of your attention if he chooses to be mean to you, insult you, put you down for not wanting sex. Its better if you avoid men like that.

[Asker]

He did give me closure and apologize…. He said he hopes I find a man who loves me the way I need to be loved

[worldscolide]

Good!

[Asker]

But that was after numerous attempts lol

I think he made feel even more unlovable lol … I guess I get what I deserve for dressing slutty

He shouldn’t be concerned about how I dress bc he doesn’t want me

[Billlewis]

Not all men behave that way. Some guys, like myself, get really, really sweet and attentive, as well as generous, when you tease and frustrate us with no intention of ever allowing us to consummate our ravenous desire for you. And for weak beta male wimps like me, who also happen to be fincucks, if you start dating another guy, and you make it clear that he's enjoying sex with you regularly, not only will I be ridiculously sweet to you, I'll probably beg you to let me pay for your dates with him, too.

[Bricealan]

Well men your age, and I include myself in that, are just plain stupid and selfish when It comes to sex. I had the same attitude when in my 20's and even though I was jacking off 24/7 at that time... sex was still a basic priority...In my adolescent brain!

If the guy is insulting and being an asshole, that is his problem, not yours. If that continues, you should dump the asshole and move on to a guy that has some self control and that does not behave like this moron.

My opinion only

[DextroShade]

Probably because you just had him waste a lot of his time, money, and effort for nothing. In a world where 1 in 3 women gave admitted to going out with a guy they didn't like just for a free meal I can not fault men for getting angry at women for pulling this shit. If you wouldn't have sex with a guy don't accept a date from him, don't talk to him further, and none of this "let's just be friends" bullshit.

[Asker]

True. I agree.. I would never do that but he knew in the beginning that I wasn’t looking for sex or something serious… I told him I was willing to take things slow.

[DextroShade]

You were sending mixed signals: "taking it slow" still implies that it's a romantic relationship because you would never describe a friendship like that. Also, you only get to take it slow with a guy if you are a virgin or you took it slow with every other guy before him; if you have ever had a single one-night stand or fling no guy is going to want to wait for you when Chad and Tyrone didn't have to. Sounds like this guy is probably right to be pissed off at you.

[Asker]

But I am a virgin. He doesn’t know that

But if he cared he wouldn’t treat me bad in the end. It’s not all about him

[DextroShade]

You obviously didn't consider him at all, you just used this man fir his attention and resources while stringing him along and then when he inevitably realizes you cheated him and gets rightly upset you have the fucking nerve to play victim. If you are saving yourself for marriage you need to state that upfront instead of playing stupid games and wasting a man's time. You deserve to be treated badly!

If you don't act differently with the next man you are on the path to dying alone.

[Asker]

I did tell him up front that I wasn’t looking for anything casual or serious in the beginning

I told him I was willing to take things slow

[BadApple69]

Why aren’t you giving him any? You might have your reasons but I will tell you that will only push in away and into some other girls bed. Men need sex. Deprive them they will get mean and they will eventually stray.

[Asker]

We aren’t in a relationship

[BadApple69]

Oh ok. Sorry thought you were in a relationship. So did you two of you have sex and he wanted more? Or did he just ask and you said no?

[Asker]

He just said he didn’t want to invest his time if we weren’t going to eventually have sex. I wanted to wait until marriage (perhaps)

[BadApple69]

That is a hard one. I agree on waiting to have sex but so many other girls will give it away on the first date.
Are you willing to do other sexual thing but not intercourse? Like Masturbation or oral sex?
As for me I would be ok with those things and holding off on intercourse. But a man needs something.
As for you… there are men who would invest the time in a girl worth waiting for. Maybe this isn’t the right guy.

[Asker]

True he’s not the right guy. He’s a jerk and also there are no mention of a relationship. He said he wasn’t ready so I’m confused on why sex is even on the table still and why I had to be insulted.

[BadApple69]

He just wants to get sex. Not the type of guy you need in your life… move on and don’t look back.

[Asker]

I really think he just tried to sabotage the date… I don’t think he was just after sex in the beginning

The date wasn’t good. There was silence, he checked/ hot on his phone, we only stayed an hour, he offered me a ride home or offered to pay for my Lyft bc I don’t like driving and I live down the street from the coffee shop. Never complimented me ect… glanced around… I think at the cashier.

[Cody2004]

Honestly they're just insecure and they're after something else they honestly do not care about you. You dodged a bullet congratulations

[Asker]

Yeah it hurts that men would act like they care about you… he really wanted me to trust him by saying “I shouldn’t punish everyone for someone else’s sins” and then wanted to know how men in my life hurt me. He even asked what’s the safest way to interact with me… so I was really hurt in the end bc I thought I would be with him.

[Cody2004]

I kind of figured I've noticed the stuff with a few girls wear the guys asked them all the stuff but as soon as you girls ask the guys they just shut down and just not let you in in that type of way. I feel the pain when that happens to some people. I promise you after a while you will feel better it will always be there like it will pop up every now and then but try to distract yourself with stuff you enjoy easier said than than I know. Sometimes you just need a good venting time somebody to hear you and discuss stuff I hope you got some friends that support you because you could definitely reach out to them they'll help you stand tall

[kylee2437]

Because he feels rejected from the one thing he wanted from you.

[Asker]

Why not go with the other options?

I asked him if he were talking to other girls and he would avoid my question or be dismissive.

I liked him a lot tho…

[kylee2437]

@asker because in all reality he doesn’t owe you an explanation towards whether he is or isn’t. You don’t like him, you like his potential, and if you did like him enough you would be okay with the only and one thing he is putting on the table for you

[Asker]

Yeah he does owe me an explanation if he’s wants to sleep with me. His sexual partner is my sexual partner too

I like him a whole lot. I just don’t want to give him the power to hurt me…

[kylee2437]

@asker your mind is already made up about not sleeping with him, so in reality not really. He can tell you he isn’t and really is talking to other women. If you can’t trust the fact that he won’t hurt you, then you definitely shouldn’t be so eager to believe words , especially coming from a man that isn’t providing you anything else but feels like you owe him sex. If you like him and he isn’t providing anything else to you, no offense this situation is kind of your fault for continuing to talk to a guy where you are now begging him to give you what he should be already doing

[Asker]

No that’s not true because it wasn’t like that I’m the beginning and I laid my boundaries down day one… he showed me his true colors I’m the end.. he knew day one that I wasn’t interested in having sex WITH ANYBODY

His isssue is that he thought I would change my mind on it… but he never brought up or mentioned sex so I thought he wanted more

Yet he rejected me because we wouldn’t eventually be intimate

He turned cold

[kylee2437]

@asker but you stayed and continued to talk to someone that wants to break a boundary that you hold in place for your own safety. Once you take responsibility for your faults in this situation, it’s going to be a lot easier to let go of a person that in reality you don’t truly like as much as you do think you like him.

[Asker]

Noo he changed after our date

I do like him. That’s not true… I wouldn’t be so hurt about him… depressed. I wanted something real with him

But also I am a virgin and I want to make sure the guy I’m with is genuine

[kylee2437]

@asker you feel hurt and depressed because he’s not meeting your expectations of who you thought he was. And listen, I’m not knocking your boundary here , I’m just saying that once someone shows you who they actually are , you need to take it seriously and decide for yourself whether or not their true self is worth your time.

[Asker]

Right and I left.. even though he dumped me… we weren’t compatible and we have went our separate ways.

[kylee2437]

@asker so I think it’s best to say , let’s not keep holding onto his potential and move on, right?

[Asker]

Yes 🥹 I’m having a tough time bc I still feel like he did me wrong and I didn’t see it coming at all

Like why would he do this to me.

[kylee2437]

@asker hey, I get it. It’s going to take time but most importantly use this as a tool to navigate your next interactions with other people.

[Asker]

True, but he did deceive me

[kylee2437]

He definitely did, but no reason to harp. You found out his love is conditional, take it to face value.

[Asker]

Okay 😞

[Asker]

He tried to shame me for the way I dress… even though he knew I dressed like that when we started talking

Then on the date he tried to bring my father into it by saying “would your dad approve of how you dress”

That’s what I mean by insulting

[kylee2437]

@asker it’s definitely for the better that you two aren’t dating

[Asker]

True, my only regret is that I didn’t stand up for myself.

[kylee2437]

I’d say sticking to your boundaries is definitely sticking up for yourself. He didn’t deserve sex from you, you are right about that

[Asker]

But my question still remains… why can’t he find a woman who wants the same thing as him?

There’s plenty of women who want sex and if he has options why not just go with his other options

[kylee2437]

@asker it’s an irrelevant question. Usually men that do this are usually battling with their own wants , desires etc. not something you should invest too much time into

[Asker]

What do you mean? That’s an interesting take

[kylee2437]

It means he has deep seeded issues as to why he goes for people he’s not really interested in

[Asker]

Like he’s gay?

[kylee2437]

Hey quite possibly so - you never know.

[Asker]

He actively follows a trans woman on twitter and she posts explicit content.. very explicit

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, if I may ask to interject, I humbly posit that the guy is a little unsteady, but as ridiculous as it may sound, this type of experience is invaluable to guys like him. We've all gone through it at some point. I know it looks creepy as hell from your perspective, but guys need this kind interaction with the lovely but elusive women for whom we toil, accompanying familiarity with the mating game. They need to embrace the seemingly horrible ration of intercourse to teasing, which by reckoning is maybe in the range of 1:15 to 1-40, during a dry spell...

[Billlewis]

... as I've long maintained, when the pursuit ends without him getting any sex, the rewards are arguably the same as it he'd had intercourse. Sure, that seems preposterous, but as long as he gets it wet once in a while, he'll look back on these travails with fondness.
the young lady's performance was to me even more impressive, because as the female, she must steer the dance to its conclusion, while also continuing to bait, taunt and mock her hapless victim before eventually leaving him blue balled, squirming in the throes of frustration, wretched and miserable, so flawlessly hoodwinked by his fickle tormentor.
How anyone could experience this, and not be light years better for it is beyond me. Guys, dating women is similar to panning for gold in fast flowing stream; you might have to schlep through fifty pounds of gravel to get that nugget, but if you keep at it, you'll be reasonably happy. Hopefully.

[Drew-1990]

Because that man has no self control and zero respect for your boundaries. You don't see me going around treating women like shit because I'm not getting anything from anyone.

[EmmaMary]

Some men are just like little babies who throw their dummies out of their pram in tantrums of rage when they can't get their own way.

They're simply not worth your time or effort.

[normalice]

It's to make himself feel better by insisting there is something wrong with you instead of him being unrealistic about his sexual appeal.

[Asker]

The crazy part is I find him to be the most attractive and I wanted more than just sex with him.

He couldn’t see that bc that’s not what he wanted. I liked him for him

[normalice]

He probably could see that but for men it is better to be wanted for just sex. It is taken as a bit of an insult to a guy's sex appeal if a girl isn't 100% contented with just having sex with him.

[Asker]

Ohh I see

That makes sense… especially if he doesn’t want anything with me…

[Nikki1989]

Because many men just use women. Take away the sex and you will never see them again.

[SolitarySolace]

Men who aren’t sexual just want sex. They don’t care about the repercussions. False rape accusations if it was consensual or rape if it was indeed rape. Glad I’m asexual I don’t have to worry about the potential of ending up in prison.

[JayBones]

Because that's all you are to him. How he reacts to your choices should be irrelevant. You aren't alive for him, you are alive for you.

[slatyb]

They think they are entitled to sex from a woman of their choice and when you refuse them they feel cheated.

[he-takes-a-part]

Stop nagging especially around him. Do this for a weak. Accumulate yourself. Corroborate. Strength. Here you gain control over habits. There he would return to the normal.

[Anonymous]

Some women seem to use sex as a reward when their lover gives them what they want. After a while it becomes old. That you need to do something to get your reward!

[Wwwyzzerdd]

You took away the one thing of value you added to his life, resource guarding

[dolemite58]

Same reason women get so pissed off when they get turned down

[SolitarySolace]

I love it when women get pissed off when turned down 😂

[Anonymous]

Mean probably isn't necessary but disloyal is the solution in that situation

[CozyCoffin]

Those men obviously wanted only that.

[Asker]

But why from me? Why not his other options?

[Subflics]

You can figure this one out

[sheikalana]

Any what?

[OtterMan68]

Immaturity

[DreamLife7]

Because you allow it