Why Do Men Lose Interest When You Give Too Much?

[sage2021]

https://youtu.be/XRdsiQ2fiao?si=IWZH-JTvPNRqOHfk

[genericname85]

cause it becomes overbearing at a certain point. also it suggests that he could score way better girls cause why else would you be so intense about it?

[GetJinxed]

What would you define as intense? The topic is giving too much of yourself, so it can be interpreted differently by different people. I think when women say this, most of them mean they're committed enough to give the relationship their time, energy and resources, including helping him through whatever he needs. This is commitment, giving all of yourself to someone. If both parties are committed, this shouldn't be an issue.

[genericname85]

@GetJinxed i mean if she's coming on very strong, throwing herself at me, clearly making a huge effort and going out of her way to make me like her, that can become very weird. like have some self respect and self worth. there's a difference between showing interest and making yourself someones dormat to step on.

[GetJinxed]

There's a difference between making an effort and being a doormat. Can you elaborate what you would classify as throwing herself at you and going out of her way to make you like her? Depending on your answer, I might suggest you consider the possibility you may have an avoidant attachment style.

[genericname85]

@GetJinxed given that you've already straight up told me that you're gonna lookook down on whatever i'm gonna say and judge from an assumed and absolutely unwarranted position of authority above me, i find myself severely lacking the motivation to continue this conversation.

[genericname85]

*looking down...

[genericname85]

@GetJinxed i mean we can talk about attachment styles and personal preferences but you're not gonna be the authority of determinng "what my attachment style is" as if you're any sort of authority on the matter. that's incredibly presumptuous.

[GetJinxed]

I apologize if it came off that way. If you look closer at my comment, I said depending on your answer, I might suggest you consider you may have an avoidance attachment style. I didn't say you definitely did, and even if that were the case, I wouldn't look down on you for that. I myself have a fearful-avoidant attachment style that I am working on in therapy.

[GetJinxed]

If you view my comment as looking down on you, I think that's a misunderstanding on your part. I'm not looking down on you at all.

[genericname85]

@GetJinxed well how graceous of you to grant me the opportunity to have an influence on the assessment you're gonna conduct of me that i never asked for XD i appreciate that you're taking steps to respect the boundary i am trying to set so this is just me trying to try to point out how this came off to me in a humorous fashion.

i generally like to assume people to be on eye level with myself. you were probably just trying to help me out by providing your perspective from your experience. thanks for that, i guess i've met my fair share of condescending trolls on here.

speaking of "eye level", that's what i want my partners to be. and when someone is being overly aggressive in their display of affection towards me i get the feeling that there's some sort of gradient there. as if they have to make such a big effort to get my affection. makes me feel like they deem themself somehow beneath me and as if they have to struggle for me to pay them attention. that's what i dislike in a relationship. i just want them to be on the same level as me. i don't want to feel like i'm a price she's trying to win. like someone she needs to try hard to get. everyone likes their ego being stroked a bit. that's fine. but if it's too much, it's weird.

[GetJinxed]

I can understand that. What I was wondering is specifically what behaviors you would categorize as over the top.

[GetJinxed]

There's no need to be so combative... I already apologized. I really wasn't trying to come off as condescending or anything. Looking at my comment, I can see why you would think that, though. I'm sorry. I was actually just trying to be helpful.

[genericname85]

@GetJinxed that's really hard to pinpoint exactly cause it can be super situational. i would say in the most general terms: if she doesn't set her boundaries and instead just tries to please me and basically bends her needs and preferences around whatever i want or do. if her affection always comes for free to me and never expects or asks me to reciprocate. or meaybe if she just does way more of it than i do. or if her displays of affection become excessive and/or suffocating in a way.

[GetJinxed]

Okay, so you mean someone who don't bring herself to the relationship, but tries to mold herself into a version she thinks you will like. I have to ask, though, why does your partner need to ask you to reciprocate? Don't you already do that unprompted?

[GetJinxed]

Doesn't*

[genericname85]

@GetJinxed i mean not verbally ask. i didn't find the right words there. but you would expect your partner to reciprocate right? and if you find that they didn't, you'd pull back a bit to see if they're making an effort or you'd check if something is up right? you wouldn't just accept to always one sidedly show affection without them ever doing that right?

[GetJinxed]

Now I would, yes. In the past, probably not. As a fearful-avoidant, I was a bit push-pull. Cling when I feel them pull away out of fear of them leaving, then push them away when they got too close out of fear of them truly knowing me or getting trapped. Kind of a fucked up cursed way of thinking. Thank God I pulled out of that. Still struggle with it internally at times, though. So I get both ends of the spectrum. I understand the reason behind needy behavior AND the reasoning behind avoidant behavior. That's why I have an annoying tendency to play the Devils advocate in these conversations. I think people who have been hurt by abandonment tend to be the ones who exhibit behaviors like the ones you listed. Not your problem to fix, but it's something to keep in mind.

[genericname85]

@GetJinxed well that seems to be a very good strategy to minimize ones happiness within a relationship. Good thing that you figured out a way to improve :)

[GetJinxed]

Yeah, it's the worst. 0/10 do not recommend. But I've been happily married 12 years now so I guess I'm doing something right these days. Anyway, thanks for indulging me. Sorry I came off as a dick at first. Have a good one.

[genericname85]

@GetJinxed you too :) ended up to be a better conversation than i first thought :)

[BLP11520]

As hard as it is to find someone to love nowadays, I would think men would be more appreciative of a good woman, but some men will always be jerks.🌹

[itsannalee]

Because they are asshole

[Bricealan]

@sage2021 I, for one, dont' lose interest.

[wkhan_87]

It is human nature