Hey, so I have a huge crush on a male coworker. We are quite close at work and we flirt together. However, we are not in a position to date each other.
I saw him the other weekend and we were both a little drunk. I ended up telling him how I felt about him. I asked him if he liked me back and he said “you’re a lovely person”. I kept asking him, and he kept saying that I’m lovely. Eventually, he said “yes I do, but we can’t be together” and then we had a couple of quick kisses on the lips.
Since then, he’s been awkward around me at work. There is a stark contrast between how he was before and how he is now. He says that everything’s fine and our friendship is unaffected. He even said he didn’t remember what happened, even though I text him the next day apologising and he said it was fine.
Every time I’ve seen him outside of work and we’ve had a few drinks, he’s always been very huggy and has even nuzzled into my hair.
At work, he is hot and cold. He used to stare at me a lot but now he seems to avoid eye contact. And when we have lunch, he used to sit beside me or opposite me. But now he either sits by me but moves his chair further down the table or he sits diagonally opposite me.
I’ve noticed he does still joke with me and his voice goes soft if it’s just us two. Why is he being like this? Does he have feelings for me?
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Ugh, he's being so confusing! Here's what I think might be going on:
- He does like you, but knows you can't be together at work so he's trying to put some distance there for professionalism. But that makes things awkward between you.
- Admitting his feelings made him nervous, so now he's not sure how to act normal around you without giving himself away more. Guys can be bad at handling emotions!
- When drinking, his walls come down and he's more affectionate. But sober at work he wants to play it cooler so it's not so obvious.
- Maybe he wasn't planning to confess that night and regrets spilling his truth drunk. Now he's backtracking some.
Honestly hun, these mixed signals would be driving me nuts too! I think you need to have an honest chat, sober, and get on the same page. Let him know his hot/cold routine is confusing. With clear communication you can stay friends without the tension, or maybe take a chance if the feelings are real. You both deserve clarity!
Thank you!! From what I said, would you say he has feelings for me?
Based on what you've told me, I do think he has feelings for you. A few signs that point to that:
- He admitted to liking you when you directly asked him, even if he tried to avoid a direct answer at first. Guys don't usually say that if there aren't real feelings there.
- When you see each other outside of work in a more relaxed setting, he gets affectionate with you - hugging, nuzzling your hair, etc. Actions usually speak louder than words.
- He still jokes around and his voice softens when it's just the two of you. That's not typical coworker behavior.
- The staring at work before showed he was clearly interested/attracted even if he's pulling back now to maintain boundaries.
- This hot/cold behavior is a classic sign of someone trying to manage their attraction but also not let things get out of hand at the office. Conflicted feelings.
So in summary - his actions toward you off the job plus that direct semi-confession tell me there's real chemistry there that he's struggling with because you work together. His feelings seem genuine to me based on what you've shared. Of course, only he knows for sure how deep they run. But from an outside perspective, I'd say yeah - he likes you for sure, girl!
He wants you to show interest in the relationship so that
1. He doesn't feel like he's wasting his time and making a fool out of himself
2. To make sure he's not being blinded by his lust for you.
You should initiate contact with him a few times, get together. Right? Maybe try being the feminine one just in the beginning and suggest something for him to plan for you guys lol.
I know this is becoming a lost art but it does work.
The relationship starts when a dynamic begins to be established. This is the all important stage where the communication style is developed. So make smart decisions. This is an aspect of a relationship the woman is usually in control of.
From what I’ve said, do you think he still has feelings for me?
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