Guys, Are you concerned about leading a girl on?

[Anonymous]

If you as a guy were really good friends with a girl and you started spending more and more time together - to the point where the lines of it becoming more than friends start to get blurred: would you consider how she might feel about this? Would that change how you act if you weren’t interested in the girl romantically, i. e. would you continue down this road if you had no desire for it to become more than a friendship? I think about this all the time. I would be happy for this friendship to turn into a relationship so I don’t mind - but if I wasn’t interested in a relationship with this guy I would be worried sick by now that I’d be leading him on - and I would have had to change how we interact or how often and long we spend time together. Hope this makes sense. Yes I am second guessing how he feels about us.

[Squatting_Slav]

I am always concerned now and have been very bad for it in the past... So i've learnt

would you consider how she might feel about this? - Absolutely

Would you continue down this road if you had no desire for it to become more than a friendship? - I would come clean and transparent to her and fully express my intentions

[Asker]

Thanks that’s useful to know.

[JacobJordan]

No. Though I do realize that I may have unintentionally done so because I can't recognize flirting and when a woman has flirted with me I likely seemed receptive so she may have thought there was something.

[Asker]

That’s interesting, thanks for sharing. It’s so hard to know what the other person thinks about the same interaction, so I can see how this could easily happen.

[JacobJordan]

My wife has to tell me when a woman hits on me because my default assumption is "she seems nice" and she can be really really obvious and I will still think that. Last year on my birthday was the first time I actually realized a woman was flirting with me on my own. The pictures after the fact made it way easier to see. Wife took me to a party (I actually do not like parties they make me very awkward) and this (what my idiot self thought) lovely blonde woman was being quite friendly it seemed innocent enough she put her hands on my arm, back, waist. I figured "she is so sweet and friendly" then she sat on my lap at which point I went "oh I think she is flirting with me" and moved away. towards the end of the night we did a big group photo and my wife was on my right and she was on my left. She put one hand on my shoulder, her other on my chest and was pressed against me with her leg slightly in front of me. When I saw the pictures I thought "huh we look more like a couple than my wife and I" wife wasn't even upset because she knows that I am that dumb. I couldn't flirt to save my life and short of sitting on my lap, kissing me, or telling me "I really like you" I just think they are really friendly.

[Asker]

I am glad your wife didn’t get upset. To be fair I am in a similar situation. I can never really tell - or at least my brain always convinced me otherwise even if I feel that someone might be flirting.

I think it’s generally easier for a 3rd party bystander to recognise than the people involved. But maybe that’s just me…

Though there is a lot of physical contact you describe from that lady… to me that might have just convinced me that she was indeed flirting

[JacobJordan]

Yeah when I looked back at it the physical contact made a lot more sense with the whole picture. The issue is I was raised by a traditional family my mom was very hands on affectionate/friendly. She hugged everyone. So when a woman is physical most of the physical gestures are gestures I have seen my mom do so I think "oh she's physical friendly". Some physical things are very obvious. I think the woman was confused that I wasn't picking up what she was putting down or thought that because I wasn't stopping her I was fine with it. So she went further which is when I realized.

[BoopBoopBeep]

No I make it real clear from day one. I'm not dating right now. We can be friends, we can hang out, stuff happens, it happens, but I'm not focusing on dating right now while some other stuff in my life is in flux.

[LiamJHayden]

Sometimes. I would never do so intentionally, but I miss the signs that she see/wants more.

[Asker]

Cheers, I guess that’s what I am wondering about.
I know he wouldn’t do it intentionally, but whether he is oblivious….

[boggboss]

No as in a situation like that I would have already made it clear what I wanted

[slatyb]

Not anymore. I would never.

[lildkman1010]

No I never lead a woman on its wrong