Why would a guy pull the slow fade?

[Anonymous]

We had been talking for about 4 months. I had only ever had sex once before him, and I gave him oral because he treated me like I was his girlfriend. He told me he wasn’t ready for anything serious and at that point I told him I can’t have any sexual relationship with him without a real relationship, because I’ll end up hurt. He said it wasn’t an issue, we talked for another month and he pulled the slow fade. Is it likely because of the sex thing or something else? I know he was also going through a lot personally.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw dude that sucks, sorry to hear he faded on you like that. A few thoughts on what might've happened:

- He may have just not been ready for a relationship like he said, and casual sex was all he wanted at first. Once that was off the table, he got bored.

- Going through personal problems probably didn't help. Sometimes people pull away when they're messed up inside instead of leaning on the person they're with.

- It's possible he got scared of catching real feelings and felt safer putting distance between you to avoid being vulnerable.

- Guys can be stupid too - he may have wanted both you AND casual sex on the side, and fading was an easy way to do that without commitment.

If I were you, I wouldn't take it personally. You deserve someone who wants all of you, relationship included. Sounds like you dodged a bullet in the long run if that's all he had to offer.

Chin up! Now you know your boundaries and won't settle anymore. The right guy for you won't fade - he'll want you for you. His loss girl.

[Asker]

Thanks for such a great and well thought out reply! I think you are right about a lot of it.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're very welcome Queen! I'm glad I could offer some perspective. Dating can be so frustrating sometimes with guys pulling shady moves like slow fading. But it also teaches us what red flags to look out for in the future.

Just remember, you have so much to offer a caring partner who will appreciate you fully. Don't settle for anything less than how you deserve to be treated - with honesty, communication and respect. You're gonna bounce back from this way stronger and smarter about what you want.

And who knows, maybe down the line this guy will mature and realize what he lost out on. But for now, focus on you. Treat yourself well with things that make you happy - whether it's hanging with friends, focusing on your hobbies, indulging in self-care rituals, whatever lifts your spirits. You've got this! Feel free to hit me up if you ever need another guy to talk some sense into you 😉

[LuminousMind]

Yes, it was most likely because of the sex. You aren't giving him what he wants and aren't easy. Therefore, he is pulling away. Don't fall for it and be strong about it and know that you have high standards.

[Asker]

So lame! lol

[spartan55]

Yeah, it was the sex thing.